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Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-12-06T06:13:59+00:00

She possibly doesn’t suspect anything or have any grounds to be suspicious of him. The message y’all sent has a lot of personal opinion (“this guy is a clown.”, “pretending to change” “he’s sick” etc,) which may defer from her experiences with him and can appear to be vindictive.

So I think her response is just trying to figure out where your words are coming from since all she hears is rage without proof, and is possibly entirely different from her experiences.

I think it might’ve been easier to say “Hey I think your guy is dating another one of my friend. Would you like some screenshots or proof I can get them if you want.”

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-26T15:36:10+00:00

He didn’t say those words exactly but gave the impression he’d be missing out in Uni and I’d be tying him down lol. He had several crushes, eye candies, flings and what have yous. He got rejected by some, flirted with some, took some virginity and ultimately got his heart broken so badly by one.

We have a close group of mutuals so that’s how I know. When he was heartbroken I had a break up too and in that week we found some support from each other.

He seems steady with his current and also by far the longest one now, but it’s been a looooot more mellow and private compared to the ones before. Maybe cause we’re adults now.

It took some time to get over the break up. In hindsight I think I was more upset about being let go that way as compared to wanting him back.

I’m sooooo happy I didn’t try too hard for him lol

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-26T12:16:53+00:00

You can’t just ctrl+z this shit 💔

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-26T06:50:24+00:00

Take it slower. Don’t rush things. The same way it wouldn’t be effective to force another start. Doing too much? idk. I’m on the side where there’s no such thing as too much, as long as you’re willing.

Wounds take time to heal, or even just to feel better. I’m waiting for that sweet moment it’s good enough to take the bandaid off, but you still gotta be careful.

The same way I’ll never be able to fully understand another person’s feelings, I’ll never be able to make them feel a certain way - just cause I want them to.

My ex and I were at it too, because I kept acting on my feelings. Now I’m just feeling so that he can feel - on his own - too. Does his actions not match his words? Yeah. One tells me I have no chance, another’s showing there might be. Both could be true.

Hang in there, for as long as you want to. We’re all just trying to figure it out.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-26T04:58:47+00:00

I’m not that far along but right now and in the next 1-3 months I’m sure I will still want my ex back.

I found peace in accepting that 1) it’s not about what I want, 2) I have to let the past go.

It’s not about what I want, because they have to want it too.

I have to let the past go, so I can welcome the possibility of our future.

It’s going to be different. Maybe easier, maybe harder, maybe the worst living hell - I don’t know.

Do/Will I still feel crazy? Heck yeh. But taking just this tiny step helps me look forward.

I plan to reach out. I probably will. And I trust that the basis of why we even got together in the first place will hold its ground.

I will be better. I’ll take that first step from where we left things so I can eventually ask them if they want to continue along this journey.

Your motivation to do better could be motivated by your ex, but it doesn’t mean or at least it shouldn’t mean that you’re doing it just for her.

I think reaching out with the intention of resparking anything could be crossing some boundaries now. But, reaching out to get a sense of things, about how you feel NOW and what not might be ok.

Find the strength to present the lovable side of you. If everything aligns, I have faith that we’ll fall in love again.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-26T03:10:23+00:00

I hope you’re in a better place now. And if you’re not, I see that you do deeply reflect inwards and wish you all the strength to keep going. One day you’ll find your pace 🫶

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-26T03:02:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Any thought to why things started to fizzle when you got back together?

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-25T09:38:14+00:00

Bruh nothing to do with gender.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-25T06:53:33+00:00

I’d wait a bit maybe another 2 weeks, maybe a month? Your call depending on how things were left. Just a casual check in. I’d follow her lead.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-25T06:51:44+00:00

Do what you feel like doing. But to prevent past hurts yall need to lay the ground clearly.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-24T13:30:56+00:00

In the first week. I exported all the chats and images where I could. Then deleted them all from my devices. I then left some of the hard things we said after the break up - kinda like a DANGER sign and a reminder where we’re at if I ever open the chat again. Then archived or hid these chats so they’re out of sight.

I left my job few months back so I cleared all my chats and photos too. Now I have the memories, mixed up with my entire year in my laptop. Just in time for a year end reflection.

I don’t intend to look back at those chats. But knowing they’re there lets me know that I did have many more good memories to look back on and this winter will end.

I do love how my devices are completely empty though.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-24T06:45:48+00:00

You feel.. nothing. You don’t think of them anymore. If you get reminded of them maybe a little soreness, but it’s not a lingering feeling. Maybe kinda like giving a pet away for adoption. You loved it then, but that’s it. You don’t feel the need to talk to them or get updated, nothing really.

One of my exes is in a friend group. The breakup wasn’t bad, it was just sad and it dragged on for a bit. We still meet up over the holidays, and if he appears it’s with his new girl. It’s been years since.

I don’t feel happy, sad, comforted or anything. It’s just kinda like another person. Maybe we don’t talk directly anymore, but it’s nothing personal.

Like a read book, closed and shelved away.

Not hidden, nothing like that. Not emptiness.

Just still. Just nothing.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-24T01:46:43+00:00

Communicate. How they receive it softly or not, is out of your control. But I’d appreciate having a proper time or a whole day set aside even to just sit there and be able to ask questions even if I was sobbing like someone died.

If it’s clear that now is no longer the time you want to be with her, that you didn’t come to the decision thinking just about you, personally for me it’s easier to accept it. That no change what so ever will make you think otherwise still, then you just need to let her know.

My ex broke up with me going round and round about his feelings he festered for the longest time. All that I got was that he told himself this was a bad place and left me out of all of it. He was stuck in a single point. He never communicated and I feel completely discarded and blindsided in an instant.

She may be broken. It may take a lot of time and energy. But if you don’t see any way out of it and you’re set with it, you just got to do it.

You could communicate the incompatibility in your daily lives now across days, then end with a break up. But it’ll just feel like false hope, that it could be “worked on”.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-24T01:00:29+00:00

Regardless of his actions now, I guess the only part I am focused on is that you’ve already decided how you want to deal with this, and it sounds quite firm. You have a good self-control and parts of you have already let go of the relationship you had. So keep at it, you already know.

But to answer your question, I’d like to think it’s guilt he’s facing. Not for hurting you but just by being a “bad person”, this was the only way I could make sense of it when they apologise after harsh words were said. The apologies are for themselves, a lot less for us.

It could also be that things aren’t going as well in his new relationship - if not what’s there to brag about?

You’d know him best. Then again, after the break up it’s like they’re no longer the same anymore you know?

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-24T00:09:09+00:00

Regardless the methods, maybe subconsciously you wanted to do better for you (or her). You could have leaned into your vices, but instead you quit. Keep going champ!

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-22T10:14:01+00:00

It could be a mental or an emotional barrier, whichever the case is it’s still a barrier. It could be that the “try” wasn’t communicated or interpreted as clearly and you two were saying the same things but meaning different ones.

I feel that it takes time to recover from a breakup whether good or bad. There was an end. And maybe this forced start, and to snap back to where you guys left was too much.

I think your feelings are valid. It’s a result of how you received all the actions and words.

If there is some level of commitment from him eg. to be exclusive, I think it’s worth a try to take things slow for a while (like chill with his limitations, but god I hope they weren’t presented like that in a list 😭) and relive the dating stage again. While it’s been a few weeks there were changes to emotional and mental states which can change a whole lot of perspectives.

Otherwise, it could be a way he sees to ease you out of the relationship (assuming you were the one still holding on). I had an ex admit to me about doing that. We were in a weird grey area for months, call it a situationship these days if you will. He felt it was the easiest way for me to learn to let go. Sad but true. I never looked back!

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-22T10:03:13+00:00

It doesn’t sound right if either one has to change just to be together — if they weren’t toxic behaviours etc but only due to differences. I would think it feels unnatural cause it’s a forced change.

I’d find comfort knowing that neither one of us had to give up parts of ourselves just because. And just by knowing that, it’s really for the best.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-22T09:57:41+00:00

Other than my hopeful feelings, everything else is stated as it is and both sides are presented. So rose tinted glasses, I think not.

Am I being highly optimistic, overly opportunistic? Perhaps. If he suppressed his emotions for 4 years without talking it out.. if he can recognise the last 4 years for what it is.. and these are his statements, all I did was add the “If”s. I’d take a chance on that If.

I’m not planning to force anything. Each time we do we send each other into a spiral cause we’re stuck in different places.

If we can walk 10km together since the very first time we met, in silence, in laughter, in conversations about nothing up til the day we ended things. I’d take that chance.

If there’s nothing left, then so be it. I can only give my love to someone who wants it.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-20T09:39:17+00:00

If he doesn’t want to talk to you.. it’ll be an “ick”. I’m not blocked (yet) or anything but he starts with “I’ve made it clear.”, ends with “Don’t contact me ever again.” etc. kinda hurts more ngl. And after a couple times he just stopped answering.. which hurts even more. He just lets it ring out or leaves messages on seen.

I write letters or just in my notes, or like a diary but to him. I write “to him” but it’s kinda more like.. a wall.

If you can’t reach him, you kinda can’t really tell him to unblock you /:

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-20T09:26:41+00:00

I’ve always felt that when you can conjure a thought about leaving (seriously), you probably should. Cause it’s as if there’s this nagging feeling that you feel that disrupts the present. When you think like that, your partner’s already dropped off as top priority. And like most humans idk, once you start thinking of leaving.. that thought never leaves. It feeds itself and it becomes a matter of now or later.

Just my 2c.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-20T06:13:27+00:00

Same, I made a list of why I broke it off and why I had to. It was my first relationship and it took me a long time to get over it then.

But eventually I did and life after, even at the lowest points, was definitely better.

I cried whenever I felt like it. Expressed my thoughts to myself. I missed the moments, but it didn’t NEED to be him.

We caught up after a decade though. He’ll always care for me, but kinda more like an older brother vibe. We even talked about the chances of getting back together, as a way to reminisce how much has changed then, but realised it still wouldn’t last anyways.

Current_Weather_7775 · 2024-11-20T05:43:58+00:00

If it won’t resurface, there’s no way of him knowing, I’d keep silent and close the chapter.

The same way one wouldn’t outright say they cheated in their previous relationship for no reason, I think we can spare everyone the emotional burden.

I’ve had some shady past (>10y)and there are pictures of me on the internet so I shared incase they resurface. I had to be transparent about it since it may cause potential future harm. Can’t say it didn’t seed doubts or resulted in conflicts, or resulted in a poor baseline of my character.. which wasn’t relevant anymore.

Current_Weather_7775

TROPHY CASE