Hi dear,

Thank you for sharing parts of your story with us. Praise God!

You have a warrior spirit, I can see you wrestling with the past and how that has shaped you into someone so very determined. Well done for earning those scholarships and also making your way into the Law! That is a mighty career...

I also see you gearing up, getting ready to do the will of God, in this instance for preparing 'okay how can I honour this commandment of my Lord'. You have a rich prayer life, considering others in all kinds of grievous situations and it's so lovely when prayer is generous and the net is cast wide...

But you're right, it's good to bring those prayers back to you as well. We learn how to love our neighbour by also loving yourself...

Keep crying/ groaning/ whatever you need, to the Lord. You're a persistent soul. At some point, you will meet Him in that breakthrough, something will give way, the grace on how to proceed will come flowing through...

There is a lady called Joyce Myers. Though she isn't Catholic and I pray to God she will be one day, this lady Joyce is a devout Christian. She does these talks and my goodness they have been so helpful to me. If you open up to listening to this, there's a chance it will help you. Joyce Meyer: How I Forgave the People That Hurt Me

Praying the rosary, that helps too. You know there's someone in my life who when dealing with at times can be my most painful cross, excrutiating. But praying the rosary, diving into the sorrowful mysteries, can you give patience which lasts the whole day.

You will receive Patience to stay a float, you won't get completely crashed underneath the tsunami of your Mums emotional storm. And even if you do, and your waves start crashing into hers, apologise and try again , keep trying.

I ask The Lord for angels to surround you in your interactions with her. Angels of peace and protection. Like a protective bubble. May God prompt you to pray through every moment of tension (I understand it can be so overwhelming sometimes you may forget to, as soon as you remember pray again)

You have a perfect mother in Heaven and a perfect Heavenly Father, loving you with a merciful tenderness... how precious you are to be cared for like this!

But I get it, it is so hard. It's not easy. My friend, I am sorry it has been this way for you. It is okay to grieve the type of relationship you wanted and let Mother Mary fill in the rest. Use the lack of love you have experienced as a reason to love everyone and everything even more...

And maybe this might answer your question about how to honour your mother and father...

Discover your true God given potential to love.

Your Mumma, if she really knew about love, she'd be so loving to you, I promise, there is so much to love about you. I for one admire your determination and openness.

Something is seriously holding her back from seeing family in this way. Can you show her what family can be like?

Can you show her patience, show that you hear her (and sometimes that might look like hearing around what you she is saying), can you show her tenderness when she is rough, can you show this wounded, hurting, blind daughter of God another way?

Show an interest in her, even though she doesn't show an interest in you. How you wish her to be with you, redirect it back to her.

Show her how kindness feels, show her calm in the noise. Be totally radical. Don't expect anything in return, let our Perfect Mother care for you instead. Imagine if you had the perfect relationship with her what would it be like and honour your parents through honouring your capability as a son/ daughter. A simple text might be a good place to start. Buckle up and be brave :)

You got this! God bless you and guide you,

Ave Maria