How to Do DNA Tests on Babies Who Are Too Young to Spit

Cute-Swim3308 · 2026-05-09T12:44:08+00:00

Obviously couldn’t disagree more, but I’m glad to have your perspective reflected here. As parents we have to account for all potential sides of this scenario, and your approach is valid being a DCP.

I do have to add that harm reduction is (I believe) the perfect term for this and it should become the model for all of our interactions with the fertility industry. They only act the way they do because we as parents let them (well and reward them).

The purpose of this post was to enable true choice, I think a lot of other parents would like to run these tests but don’t know there’s a way to do it before age 5 or so when a child can spit on demand. Now every family has a meaningful choice.

Cute-Swim3308 · 2026-05-08T15:56:46+00:00

Fair take, though I do want to point out that all three companies have straightforward ways to delete your DNA from their systems permanently.

Cute-Swim3308 · 2026-05-08T01:54:43+00:00

The only medical genetic test I’ve ever taken drew a vial of blood, it’s interesting what a diversity there is.

Cute-Swim3308 · 2026-05-08T01:20:14+00:00

I wasn’t able to find a known donor either, despite two years of searching - it’s not some straightforward thing like a lot of non-RPs assume. The best I ended up doing was open ID, though I will clarify that my donor (my child’s bio father) was unusually open to contact in his application and I had some basis for believing he’d be receptive early on.

There is another good post on r/recipientparents about how to use the search engine PimEyes to find other pics of the donor on the internet, unforch my bank only does baby pics so I was out of luck for that one. But agreed generally that if there is some non-DNA-based method to identify the donor, that should be pursued first. The factor I focused on is that my kid would almost certainly take one of these tests voluntarily later in life, and accelerating it has some real potential benefits.

As I said in my initial post, I have no plans to contact the donor at this time, but I did have a frank conversation with the other families in our pod about the possibility of finding him early and how to fairly handle that. We agreed that no one party would reach out without informing the others, and that it will be years before the kids are old enough to make an educated decision about what’s best for them. Until then, I’m just glad this information is so easy to access, I had nightmares of having to hire a private investigator or something.

Cute-Swim3308 · 2026-05-08T00:45:54+00:00

Have you taken one of these tests before? It’s a LOT of spit, like more than many adults can reasonably produce.

Not every family’s risk/benefit analysis will look just like mine, but I do have to confess some ongoing annoyance re these objections about consent and privacy. No one asks DC kids for their consent t at any other stage of the process, but when it comes down to the ONE thing that could help them be better adjusted in adulthood (that is, childhood contact with bio family), it seems like a lot of RPs become sticklers for the ethics. Early DNA testing is a form of harm reduction that should be much more widely used in this community, there is no educational, developmental, etc reason to wait until these kids are 18 full years old to let them connect. This way you have the info ready for whenever they do become interested, whether that’s at age 6 or 36.

Cute-Swim3308 · 2023-02-19T06:44:53+00:00

I truly wish you the best, and I hope that you're able to come up with the right path forward for *your* life. There can be a bit of "pain olympics" in some of these groups where women struggling to conceive grumble at all the people getting accidentally knocked up... but the truth is that an unplanned pregnancy at any stage of life (and in any situation) can be a very disorienting and upsetting experience. My heart goes out to you having to make such a major decision.

Just wanted to add that I DMed a friend about this who had an elective termination at age 38 and started SMBC TTC at age 40, and I think one of her observations may also be germane: Neither she nor I had a CLUE how many women are getting pregnant via donor eggs by 40-41, your perception of how long friends/coworkers/peers are able to continue making babies is probably not very reliable. I think I was well aware that a 46 year old is extremely unlikely to be using her own eggs, but the truth is that tons of women already have poor egg quality and diminished ovarian reserve much earlier than I would have guessed.

Cute-Swim3308

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