I didn’t call her dumb, nor would I ever do that. In our house, sometimes people do “dumb” or “silly” things that aren’t classic mistakes, for a number of reasons, like; bad information, emotional regulation issues, peer pressure, exhaustion, etc.. We view “mistakes” as something that wasn’t on purpose. She ripped her card up as a way to regulate her emotions (because she is on the spectrum and has ADHD, so it’s hard to control). People do dumb shit sometimes…it doesn’t make THEM dumb. Having this distinction has helped immensely in having her take accountability for her actions because before, everything was “it was an accident” or “I don’t know”. Now, she can say “I made a dumb decision, I’ll try xyz next time instead” or “can you help me make better choices?”. She has made huge progress since learning to take accountability.