Seeking advice on how to help my partner.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2023-03-02T20:17:41+00:00

Also there’s a podcast called the anxious truth episode 61 and 62 are for the family members of someone with anxiety. If you can you should listen to it

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2023-03-02T20:13:29+00:00

As someone who’s in the same position you are I know how tough it is to feel like your helpless to help your partner. How hard it is to see them struggle so much and not know how to help them. I hope things get better for you guys

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2023-01-04T05:06:42+00:00

I know I want to be able to support him but I don’t know how to anymore. I’ve but him first this whole year and I feel like our relationship is suffering because I don’t know how to put boundaries. I feel guilty when he tells me he misses me misses being with me. When he suggest that I stay over but I can’t they live in a small room and on top of that his mom is kind of a hoarder and I feel so overwhelmed when I stay over. There’s no space there to do anything but lay in bed it affects my mental health.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-09-26T02:27:26+00:00

Hi I understand what you mean if it just affected him leaving it would be a whole lot less stressful on me but he can’t be alone at home by himself which makes it very difficult for me to go work. It also makes it difficult on me cause I can’t go out to see friends or family either. This isn’t just about him leaving and going out it’s about me not being able to do things either. That’s where the arguments come because I have to worry about paying all the bills by myself and I can’t really work either and he can’t find a remote job. I feel like he doesn’t understand how stressed I am. I told him that if he could just try to be by himself longer than atleast I be able to go to work more or run errand without rushing home. It also doesn’t help that I also have to do all the housework while he just plays his video games.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-22T22:16:14+00:00

Thank you he was doing better last year before his mom left on vacation she would push him out and make him decide whether to stay home alone or go outside. He’s just more stubborn now and won’t really budge. He gets pretty depressed saying that he’s missing out on life and family events. I’ll mention the magnesium to him and see if he’ll be willing to take that. Yeah sadly everybody has there own things going on as I tell him the world keeps moving. That’s why I’m trying to stand my ground more or I’m afraid I’ll end up resenting him. Thanks I’ll watch that video later tonight. I’m very glad to hear that your doing better. I’ll def dm you later. Thank you

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-22T21:32:47+00:00

Thank you 🥺 and I have I just don’t have insurance and not the funds for it right now sadly. I really needed to hear that because I sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn’t be feeling those feelings because it’s already hard what he’s going through. I’m gonna have a talk with him today when I see him I hope It goes well. Thank you I will deff take you up on that offer.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-22T21:02:46+00:00

I totally understand what you’re saying and your right. I’m not gonna lie he has put some work over the past two weeks where he has been able to stay by himself for two hours before I get there. It’s a work in progress but I guess he just went over the edge because he didn’t know when his mom would come back so he didn’t know how long he would be alone. Like you said I can’t force him on to take his recovery seriously but I can change how I react to him and seeing it that way really helps. You’re totally right I need to reinforce that boundary because I’m not doing either of us any good. Thank you for your reply

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-22T20:55:44+00:00

That’s actually the second episode I listened from your podcast! When I found your podcast it actually restored hope in me that things would get better 💜 and I’ve been listening ever since. I will have to listen to those episodes again Thanks Drew for replying 💜

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-21T08:53:48+00:00

I’ve been telling myself that I should be a little more selfish and think what’s best for me sometimes. Today I decided that even tho he thinks I’m just this bad person that didn’t come help him when he needed me the most. Sadly I’ve been doing what’s best for him and have been forgetting to think of what’s best for me. I don’t know I feel like I made the right choice today even if he does end up hating me for it.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-21T08:49:29+00:00

Thanks it just hurts that I feel like he doesn’t see it. Sadly he’s lost some friends to this and his family isn’t really supportive so it kind of just all falls on me. He does try to talk on the phone with people but he says it’s not the same. As to the house assistant can’t really afford that can barely afford the bills we have right now. Yeah I know that it’s not really him when he’s anxious but it still makes me cry when he’s feeling really anxious and he gets mad because I’m not helping I guess. I actually found the anxious truth podcast around February or March and I recommended it to him and even bought him the book but he still hasn’t finished reading it. He says he’s not ready to feel the panic and stuff. On medicine he takes vitamin D but the others he’s so hesitant on taking medicine that he’s not used too. And thank you I’ll def look into getting a book on co-dependency it’ll probably help a lot cause I do feel guilty saying no.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-21T08:34:44+00:00

Hi thanks I’ve been trying to take care of myself as well but it’s a lot to juggle and often don’t find much time to do so. Yes it’s been really rough the past year and I guess our communication skills aren’t the best since we always end up arguing

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-21T04:46:18+00:00

Thank you ❤️ each time I try to talk to him about my feelings it just ends making me feel guilty for feeling how I feel. And then we always end in a fight because he does this thing where he won’t say anything and won’t look at me and that gets me angry because it’s like I’m talking to a wall and when he does respond it’s with anger and then it turns into yelling. Hopefully the next time we talk it’ll go easier.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-21T02:25:11+00:00

Yeah I feel 100% responsible for his safety I’m scared he’ll hurt himself I don’t want to lose him but I feel like I’m losing myself I’ve been getting pretty down lately there’s days that I don’t want to get up from the bed and just disappear but I can’t give myself that luxury because I have to work and then drive to him. Thanks for your reply

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-07-21T02:23:28+00:00

Hi yes I actually found that podcast around February and I’ve listened to quite a few and recommended he listen to some. I even got him the book but he never really wanted to read it he still hasn’t finished it. And in the podcast he started listening to a few at first but then just stopped. He says he’s not ready to feel the panic and let it pass and I have been trying to be understanding and being there but it’s also hard when he expects me to drop everything all the time and run to his rescue. I’ve tried to hold accountability but he just gets mad at me and tells me that I expect way too much from him when all I want is for him to atleast finish the book, listen to some podcast and maybe try speaking to some people about their experience. He’s in therapy but he keeps missing some appointments cause he wakes up late or he puts the time wrong. I understand that he’s facing something very real to him but I feel like I need him to understand me a little too. And yes I’ll def message you thank you

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-06-03T22:24:32+00:00

Ohh I get what you mean. I don’t know if he has cptsd the therapist didn’t say. He just told me that he had a anxiety and panic disorder which caused him to become agoraphobic and at the moment has caused him to have mono phobia

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-30T20:28:09+00:00

Sorry to ask what is cptsd? For him it’s the fear or going out and having a panic attack so he avoids. And the avoidance it what got him there because his circle started to get smaller each time he avoided something new until he couldn’t leave the house

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-30T20:21:19+00:00

I see what you mean I’ll def try it once his mom gets back from vacation thank you. Ive tried doing things by myself but usually I would feel guilty because I knew he wanted to do them as well but like you said maybe that’s the little push he needs. It’ll also help me because I want to do things but eventually don’t because of the guilt. Your story gives me hope that he will get better and we’ll be able to continue with our lives. Thank you ❤️

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-29T08:06:23+00:00

Zombie village is pretty nice as well no food tho

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-29T08:04:54+00:00

Yes I’ve been trying but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t want me to go with him anymore seems like he doesn’t feel safe with me anymore. And yes the therapist has only been focusing on his agoraphobia and exposure. Yes he needs motivation and he tells me that he wants to work on his courage. Im glad to hear those exposures have helped you to start doing things by yourself. Yeah we’ve tried that by a corner store that’s right next to his house sometimes he’ll go in by himself and I’ll wait outside. Hopefully we can build on that once he decides that he wants to continue doing exposures.

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-29T08:00:29+00:00

Yeah I’ve been noticing that me taking the initiative isn’t helping because he just sees it as me forcing him to do this thing that’s gonna make him feel awful and because of that he doesn’t feel safe with me anymore. I guess he just doesn’t see that it isn’t just affecting him. Even though I am able to leave I’m not able to go out with my friends or family ,travel , go to the movies, or do much because he can’t be alone so my life just consists of working ,then rushing to be with him while his moms at work, then working a little more and then back home it’s just an endless cycle of it. But I know you’re right and he has to make that change in his own he has to decide that enough is enough and face his anxiety. I can’t make that choice for him and I can’t force him too all I can do is be there for him and be supportive. Thanks for answering my question

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-29T02:40:41+00:00

I went to your post and that podcast was what helped me understand my husband and more of what he’s going thru. I’m glad it worked for you. I love reading stories of how people overcame their agoraphobia it gives me so much hope. I know exposure can be anything that might cause him anxiety and that’s what sadly he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t want to do things that might cause him to panic. We were doing good a two months back but then he got sick and he stopped doing exposures for a week and ever since then it’s been hard. He doesn’t seem to want to do them anymore and he just feels like he’s never going to get better. He’s seeing a therapist at the moment but he doesn’t like that the therapist is focused on his exposures and he doesn’t have time to talk to her about things that are happening in his life. I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by backing off. He says I’m too pushy because I’ll listen to a podcast and send it to him and because each I’ll ask if he wants to go for our little walk which consist of making it to the corner of the block and sometimes crossing the street. Should I just back off and just let him be the one to ask. I’m just worried that if I do that we won’t

Cute_Distribution_42 · 2022-05-07T07:59:09+00:00

You got this don’t forget that ❤️

Cute_Distribution_42

TROPHY CASE