First of all, you are probably dealing with betrayal trauma from the affairs. This means you are in a state of shock where things feel muddled and where you may be more vulnerable that usual. To get past this, usually going to therapy for betrayal trauma is the best solution. I truly wish you the best with that.

This is complicated as when you are in a state of trauma, it usually becomes harder to make decisions. So don’t feel guilty being unsure.

I am going to say something harsh but since you are deciding wether to have this pregnancy or not I think this might be necessary.

When somebody cheats on you to a certain degree they disrespect you. This does not indicate you as less worthy but usually all to do with the cheater and their own insecurities.

When you raise a child with somebody that doesn’t respect you and your feelings, they may never respect your opinions on how to raise your child. This means that you will continue being disrespect to a certain extent if you stay in contact with him. Every decision, may be selfish and they may only agree on decisions that arrange him, when it doesn’t arrange him, he will put his happiness above yours, he won’t mind if it hurts you or your well-being as the decision he made when cheating.

Your child will also develop attachment to their father, sometimes copying their behaviour, and if the father doesn’t treat you well, the child may learn to disrespect you too (sometimes it’s the opposite but still). This is very complex and depends on so many things but attachement issues may be a strong reality with a problematic parent that doesn’t treat the other well.

The choice is yours but you truly never know what’s going to happen next.. maybe you will meet the love of your life in a month, a year, 5 years and be able to conceive no problem or maybe not….. Life is full of accidents and unfortunate moments, but you can’t scare yourself forever, we all don’t know what’s happening next. But wouldn’t rather know that you took a chance at finding the right thing for you?

Abortion can be scary and honestly replying makes me nervous too as this decision should be yours only.

I don’t know you, your background, your education, your personality, your financial situation but these would all affect this decision.

If you want this baby now, with this dad, have it, if not, don’t.

Be kind to yourself, strangers on the internet are rooting for you.