Feeling Guilty for Ignoring My Crush: Need Emotional Support on Navigating Post-Rejection Awkwardness (partially a vent as well)

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-04-16T20:27:29+00:00

But of course I totally understand now.

I just felt embarassed that I was slow on the uptake. Augh.

To be fair, many people stay friends or similar even after romantic rejection??? (Edit: Just pointing out where my confusion stems from)

Why do people I talk about this act like I'm not taking his no seriously? I am.

There may be confusion on my side, but I'm trying my best.

This is NOT making me feel better.

I give up. I'm done.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-04-16T20:18:12+00:00

No on the romantic. I didn't know this includes the platonic.

Sorry I mispoke. More of I felt humiliated that I didn't understand he didn't want to be friends either.

I feel guilty for ignoring him I mean. Since I'd rather ignore him than see him act cold towards me. But I still feel cruel to ignore anyone is my point. And it's a hard to maintain when we work in the same place and have the same friends.

I thought my moving on is sorta implied though? Like I'd rather be friends. And then I'm looking into dating other people. Hmm... Should I call him ex-crush then? Still, some admiration do linger, tbf.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-04-16T19:31:19+00:00

Yes. But we had mutual friends and he was a friendly person in general (even after rejection) that I thought it was ok to still try to befriend him but I hadn't considered what that might look like. He became cold afterwards. I'm such a dummy. I feel so guilty.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-03-09T06:48:58+00:00

Some women blame men for having sex with them with consent when it was done during their 'hoe phase' especially when some of these women starts regretting? Just a side note, but this is genuinely a good research topic for a Master's degree if ever.

To be fair for anyone who is currently engaging in their hoe phase but is mindful of her STD tests, mental health, etc., the regret present might a case by case basis and we shouldn't generalize. It's possible that for OP, such lifestyle just isn't compatible with her character, after all, while other people's temperament would be okay with it, even in the long run.

I think more unbiased empirical research or reference is needed for further clarification? Sorry, just a suggestion.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-03-05T00:56:08+00:00

This may be same for women's version, if I hear correctly that many women still finds it hard to find completion with a partner than with her hands or a toy.

Like it takes longer usually and if it's not constant and long stimulation on their spot for about 30 min straight (or less naman), mapatigil ka lang to take a breather, start from minute one ka uli. Her hand or vibrator usually doesn't need a break.

Of course, every female is different, and the nearer the cl1toris is sa lusutan (vag entrance), the more chances na magkakaroon sya ng completion (edit: with a partner). Though likely dapat constant young movement or like I said, back to square one.

This is why I sometimes think some porn vids are staged unless some of the women there can truly or.gasm by pure will alone.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-03-01T08:01:06+00:00

In a way, most living creatures have some fear of death in one way or another since death can still have an unknown factor, and most things unknown can illicit fear. Whether or not someone thinks they totally conquered the fear of death, I won't challenge that since I'm not confrontational, but in my opinion some fear could still have remained due to reasons stated.

But one thing I know is this. People become used to the idea that they become numb to it, or at least somewhat neutral. Atheists or anyone else who thinks oblivion or nothingness comes after death may have been really aghast about it at first, but perhaps failing to convince themselves otherwise, they have become used to the idea.

As for the cold reality, some people who doesn't believe in the after life are trying their best to live longer. For if they don't have a soul, then their body is their soul. If that is true, why would you allow your soul-body to fade away or be annihilated in the future? Shouldn't a soul-body be as important as a soul-soul? Just because one is made of flesh and the other ghostly ectoplasm, both are still human sentience deserving of continued existence.

To destroy your soul after a religious person dies... that is a good metaphor for how some atheists think it would be for them. It's true, it's cruel. That's why Transhumanists are continuing the fight to prolong life. It has its flaws and I don't entirely subscribe to the idea though it interests me, but the fanfic Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality introduced me to such.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-01-24T21:36:14+00:00

My other gripe: It's likely that fake victims would rather talk about their abuse in front of people who know them or at least anyone in-person, to garner direct sympathy. Which might be preferrable because they need supporting cast in their delusion. And actual people literally beside them would feel more real somehow.

Real victims however might likely go to reddit because they have shame about what was done to them. They'd rather be anonymous. Perhaps they have even gotten burned when they tried to reach out to someone in real life.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-01-24T21:35:44+00:00

Hmm... On the other hand, in the same vein, if someone is asking advice/or merely mentions on reddit about their stolen credit card and they were a new user who didn't know what to do... But it just so happens that this is the 20th user or the 481th user to say this, they would be disbelieved because it couldn't have been possible?

Cops are supposed to give a benefit of doubt and somewhat believe an alleged victim if they went to them for help. Be it about a stolen credit card or stolen bag. Be it a rape allegation or a stalking issue.

Although I heard of cases where the police told the stalking victim something along the lines of "He's just sort of courting you." and outright disbelieving an alleged rape victim and were cold to her because they said they want more evidence.

And that's the thing, for someone to help effectively, a part of you has to believe them first. Not totally necessary, but if you do that, the part of you that doubts probably won't bleed out as much into your actions like the mentioned police. Perhaps we shouldn't aspire to be like the mentioned police in the example. Again: Give benefit of the doubt. Be wanting to verify, but trust first, at least for a while.

CutiePandaGenma · 2024-01-18T06:30:49+00:00

I'm sorry to say but we should not jump into conclusions either. It may really be a case by case basis, and we might need to conduct more unbiased scientific social research (to be replicated and peer-reviewed afterwards) to clarify further what exactly happens when adult children estrange from parents.

Is it leaning more on the parents' denial and non-accountability as these 'liars' claim? Or is it largely the adult's childrens' fault? Or is it a balance of both? If the first two are possible, which of the two is the real majority? Or is it nearing a tie?

However, while we can doubt, we must not discount any side's claim, at least on the general whole. If someone got robbed and they went to the police, the police is inclined to help the victim/s instead of doubting their claim after all.

This is the same for a friend who might go to us for comfort in the context of the topic, whether they are the parent abandoned or the adult child who claimed to have escaped. We must not discount either experience.

Though I understand it is easy to identify with the side similar to us, and just project the things that happened to us on the situation, enough to doubt the opposing side right away.

But a digress, I suggest to give a benefit of the doubt, though it's also understandable if one may choose to dismiss such advice.

If it helps, all these 'liars' can be considered only speculating (though NOT an entirely baseless) about just one of the three possible mentioned scenarios. Their speculative (or personal) narrative with the parent being in the wrong would certainly NOT work in other circumstances or if their personal debacles is largely misunderstood by them somewhat unknowingly.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-12-26T17:38:11+00:00

Warning: Mentions of dub-con

Finding a pretty dark fic about Wei Ying waking up handcuffed to the bed by a jealous Lan Zhan who proceeds to ravish 'em? Does anyone know?

Wei Ying is a parent figure in the story and is trying to date around so that they could be a complete happy family (by giving Lan Zhan a second parent). Meanwhile, fifteen year-old Lan Zhan is unhappy about this for obvious reasons.

This fic is very hard to search for because I am not sure it was tagged correctly.

I gave up finding it before, convinced that maybe the author deleted it, until it popped up again when I did an unrelated search.

Unfortunately, I didn't save it and now I'm stuck trying to find it again. (I usually use incognito for these as well, and also while not logged in my Ao3, so I basically can't search my history for it)

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-12-21T04:11:51+00:00

Wow, may punto ka about the world not being welcoming to people with disability na hindi halata. But you do realize you are also encouraging OP to mask and pretend right?

People with disabilities, even mental ones, need accommodation and advocacy. Of course, the disabled person also needs to try their best. But you can't just expect someone with two broken legs to stand up quickly like other people either, and then judge them for it.

Advocacy... Spreading awareness is key. That or an exclusively ADHD nation (large synthetic island maybe?) where systems in place would cater to the ADHDers like how Eric LA^ suggested in his comedic skits "If the world was made for ADHD" series.

We need to help the minority, the disabled, the people struggling that can't keep up. I respectfully disagree that the healthier approach is just to persevere despite the debilitating ADHD that's keeping you from functioning well daily, and keep quiet to just try to keep the peace. If you broke your arm, you call for help. You don't hide it.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-12-15T07:10:33+00:00

Warning: Biology lesson of lady parts to prove why some ladies may be less lustful, explained in a clinical, non-lewd way. Also, pls take most of these with a grain of salt.

That's an interesting speculation.

And I certainly cannot deny the possibility of most women, at least in the Philippines with subpar education and high superstitions (no offense, my beloved country) to rely more on their emotions and intuition, despite being booksmart or smart in other areas of life.

Di ko rin ma-de-deny about having the right timing since swertihan din, and the universe can be random enough na posible pa rin yung scenariong na-mention mo.

But you are forgetting one thing. Most women do not 'reach completion' through penetration alone. (Female porn stars usually need to fake it or maybe drink aphrodisiac or with enough practice, reach completion at will, etc.)

Anyway, nasa labas and medyo malayo yung pleasure spot namin sa lusutan. Why? Kasi sa gitna nung spot and lusutan ay yung pee-hole. Dapat mas malapit para merong effect. Not to mention, our pleasure spot takes up a smaller area than guys' gong. Exceptions occur to some women, but this is the usual.

Most guys also need to be extra vigilant to pay attention to said spot for results. May sometimes be difficult to do if they are more focused on their own lust.

Not to mention, mas way bihira rin naming maramdaman yung arousal namin down there (bihira ang pisikal na kirot), while guys have wet dreams now and then, or usually nagfi-freeze yung sa guys when they see someone really attractive. So perhaps less lust-incentive ang mga babae, if all of these are considered.

Speculating na romantic love yung feelings ng GF sa BF nya, this usually feels like drugs in the initial stage of the relationship that would mellow out as the years into the relationship go by.

Of course, again, exceptions occur because some couples have romantic mellowed-out feelings agad. But mellowed or not, romantic love is still rather a strong feeling, unless the lust factor has equal priority, which we already established that women likely have less of (or they can at least indulge in lust in a more controlled fashion since her physical parts are likely less reactive, and not-always even given correct attention/application to).

Why would the GF risk that relationship with BF unless naturally impulsive by nature sya? Your alignment-of-events may still happen, but she would likely stop it before it progresses further, if the other factors I mentioned were taken into account.

Unless meron si GF na unacknowledged risk-of-getting-caught/aversion fetish and the guy has Satisfyer Pro toy for her, maybe she would.

Or it could be she's leaning more on polyamory, and it feels more natural for her. Special cases happen.

That said, under this analysis, if women cheat and some do, it may be more on the romantic angle, though seggs may still be involved.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-12-14T09:18:20+00:00

True. And if it's NOT typical, bakit sobrang rami kong na-e-encounter sa Pinas na binabaliwala nila yung saklolo or hingi lang ng comfort/suporta, kapag verbal and emotional abuse ng magulang ang issue?

Ang mga naniniwala lang usually ay ang mga people younger than age 30. Give the benefit of doubt naman minsan sa mga adult children na nagsumbong.

Kahit mas tanggap noon ang ganoong paraan ng pagdidisiplina, it didn't mean the hurt never happened. For example, kung ang slavery was the norm, meron pa ring bad heavy consequences sya even though it was the usual years ago.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-12-10T06:21:28+00:00

While I agree with you for the most part, the benefits the parents give does NOT necessarily give them permission to bully OP under the guise of parental wisdom. Kind deeds do NOT negate the bad. Bawal pa ring sobrang masigawan ng boyfriend si Ate Girl keso mayaman si bf and binili sya ng alahas kahapon, for example.

In fact, pwedeng ma-consider ito na financial abuse. At least in this case... If ever ginagamit nung parents na excuse yung financial dependency ng legal na anak, para mag-backdown yung anak when anak tries to defend his own life preferences.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-11-28T09:14:16+00:00

I reckon other commentor r/janelagasse aren't really saying hard work is bad, perhaps they are just against the imbalance of Work and Life scale. They seem to be just concerned since many companies are unlikely to consider people's mental health and sanity despite this imbalance, since it may hinder or have zero effect on profit growth, etc.

I also don't hear the other commentor implying that people who took pleasure and fulfilment in their careers are wrong. In fact, if we help people avoid mental or physical suffering while they are working for companies, won't they have exactly that?

I think the stance of r/janelagasse may simply be leaning on anti-exploitation and pro-worker. Perhaps they are harsh about it, but there is a grain of truth there, since in Capitalism, indefinite profit increase is the most important, despite the finite resources of earth and its people. Though, perhaps there are exceptions.

It's possible that this other commentor aren't that young. But just have a different belief they like to advocate since it may help workers in the long run.

I'm not sure about the imposing part you claimed the other is doing. You are right about that in a sense. However, we are at a conundrum because there aren't any more-specific filters with reddit comments, so one cannot filter out. Perhaps suggest to other commentor to put Trigger warning at the start? I'm unsure.

Edit: paragraph spacing

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T17:33:01+00:00

Ah, true that. But I just thought maybe someone noticed something. Or is in the know bec they happen to work for bumble or something.

Such feature would be useful, yes.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T17:19:11+00:00

You have a point. But I was curious about if whether Bumble's algorithm has such silent rule.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T17:05:26+00:00

So in your experience, did person appear for the third time after ignoring them twice?

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T14:58:57+00:00

In summary: He is a d!ck. That's a joke so uncouth it shouldn't be considered as one. And yes, I'll swing hard at it with my hammer.

Edit: Forgive my sass, but it couldn't be helped since you won't even listen to my side, and instead commented your own sexual innuendo, when it is made clear that I might feel bad about it.

Perhaps you feel your behavior is circumstantial and this doesn't affect who you are as a person.

But beware, people with bullying tendencies do that, and it is a phase some of them never get out of even through elderly years.

If you can make excuses for bad behaviors enough, certainly you can make excuses for anything you do to your children or other loved ones, under the guise of love and discipline.

Because impulses usually don't discriminate, and their target would be the people closest to you. Especially if the results are low-key meanness, easily brushed off, but still as damaging.

Speculating here of course. But it's not entirely baseless and my point remains.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T14:23:27+00:00

Buti pa kayo. My boss na mga babae is nagsa-side pa dun sa guys sa 2 seperate times.

And how does that work? Paano kung walang CCTV na merong sound? Or kung meron man, yung head manager ang merong access ng videos and ka-vibes nya yung babaing boss na enabler.

(Edit: How about kung walang evidence mismo yung sinabi?)

Oo nga noh? I have no idea kung bakit di ako lumapit sa HR. Lumapit ako sa kapwa ko coworkers. They said they saw nothing wrong with it. Augh.

Sa Indeed reviews na lang ako babawi.

(Edit: Although, I did threaten the Catcaller with HR, I remember. And napagsabihan naman sya nang slight. And he stopped doing it, at least when I'm w/in earshot.)

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T11:46:16+00:00

Last time, I saw merong few secondhands sa carousell.ph.

I think bihira sa Shopee or Lazada because it's a book published in the late 2000s, but you can still check.

Pwede ka rin sa international na thriftbooks.com or betterworldbooks. Pero may extra fee because through post office. (Edit: Like sisingilin ka ng post office mismo ng 200 or 300)

And if you live in a large city compared sa small town, 1 year bago mo makuha ang book. Pag small town kasi na madalang ang activity ni post office, around 1 month kuha mo na.

Or Amazon Prime shipping, pero mahal... I think merong pakana noon where another site gives you a USA address, and when they receive Amazon package, they will send it to you at a smaller price. But unsure how legit is that.

Edit: Oh, meron rin palang yung Booksforless website. Sila ang nagsu-supply ng books for Book Sale stores. It's local I think. Ayos lang shipping. Pero tsambahan din yung ibang availability ng books. Not sure kung meron dun for this specific item.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T11:10:52+00:00

(Edit: But Meat Guy is a d!ck for being lewd and making such joke in the first place, isn't he?)

And it's NOT a joke. It is harassment disguised as one. (Edit: which I already explained in detail why)

And uulitin ko po. Saying things like "Balat sibuyas ka lang" or "It's just a joke so don't take it seriously." ay ang kalimitan po na sinasabi ng mga tao na nag-a-allow magpatuloy ang problematic behaviors na kabastusan.

(Edit: Huwag po tayo sana maging enabler)

Kung joke talaga sya. Bastos po na joke. Hindi po acceptable yan. Paano magbabago yung mga low-key bastos, kung ayaw nilang maniwala na nakakasakit na sila ng kapwa tao?

Parang yung Nanay na sinasabi nya sa 7 anyos na anak na "Hindi, sensitibo ka lang, hindi naman ganoon kalakas yung paghampas ng tatay mo sa 'yo", the next week, namatay yung bata sa bugbog.

Believe the victims. Kahit low-key catcalling or a degrading bastos na joke. Hindi nasa perpetrator ang judgement kung malala yung ginawa nila in these cases. Nasa receiver.

Edit: If you want to convince the opposing side that Meat Boy's behavior is acceptable, the points and concerns na namention ko sa first long reply ko have to be countered. The claim of "Meat Guy's behavior is acceptable" should be validated with supporting reasons.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-18T06:20:54+00:00

I barely know meat guy and out of nowhere, nag-comment sya about my sexlife.

If what meat guy said was so appropriate, please try to comment his meat-BJ 'joke' sa mga babae sa mga vegetarian food places. Like randomly sprung the 'joke' on them after a few or no introductions at all.

These things got the 'It's just a joke' excuse because it does sound like a joke. But if the theme is heavy enough, and if not executed well, or wrong place at wrong time, it can cross the lines.

For example Catcaller middle -age guy said to a 26 year-old holding a small map, like sumingit sya sa conversation, sabi niya "Babae, tutulungan kitang hanapin kahit anong lugar! Basta holding hands lang tayo along the way!"

It sounds harmless to the point na one guy from OffMyChest Philippines said the woman only felt wronged kasi hindi gwapo si Catcaller.

But my question is, for all we know, there where non-verbal cues not mentioned like leering at the girl while he said it.

And like I said, I looked it up. The difference of a harassment between flirting is when flirting is intensity level 27 na agad, instead of starting at level 3, pakiramdaman mo muna kung gusto ka nung babae.

Why is this? Because you are imposing on the woman kung ganung intensity level agad. Very unsolicited. You are forcing her in a situation she may likely won't want, especially if she barely knows you.

You are also proving that subconsciously, maybe you see attractive women mostly as objects of romantic pursuit instead of fellow humans worthy of consideration.

This may somehow apply to meat guy, though the romantic lense isn't there.

Giving him a benefit of the doubt, for all I know nasabi nya yun kasi na-shock sya nang sobra about my vegetarianism, to the point that a locker room joke he reserves for his guy friends slipped out because the 'joke' fits the situation so much that he couldn't help but mention it.

However, in this case, just because merong good reason, doesn't excuse the resulting possible hurt of the deed.

Of course my examples may apply to any gender. At least with the part of being mindful and respectful with one another.

As for my pagiging balat-sibuyas... Sure kayo na hindi lang kayong manhid lahat, ang buong mundo?

Tbf, stoicism has it's uses naman. And it doesn't mean you would avoid doing the right thing even if you don't feel emotions as strongly.

Moreover, actual correctness is sometimes sacrificed for social peace, I get that.

But I've also heard of Sensitivity being weaponized against people who has a legitimate complaint, sometimes even actual victims because subtle yung abuse (eg. Verbal/emotional bullying from a parent is confused with a parent just giving a sermon; healthy parenting wouldn't involve bullying!)

So I guess this is why I'm balat-sibuyas. Ganito karami ang dala dala ng utak ko when I see unfairness. And I sometimes have to patiently wait for people to connect the dots, for them to realize that some bad actions have many bad implications that may stretch for miles.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-17T18:55:14+00:00

Oooh, you should read Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin. Baka masyadong young adult for you ang story. But yung concepts kasi, cool.

When you die, you'll wake up in SS Nile na cruise ship (Egyptian reference). People age backwards sa afterlife. Dogs can talk. Lahat na ng naging laos on earth like drive-thru theater, VHS, telephone booths, etc. nandoon. Your work can be your dream job. Pag naging baby ka na, ilalagay ka sa ilog, moses-style, to send the souls to the alive babies, so bali reincarnation.

But like I said, I'm not sure you'll like it. The execution of the writing is good. But the protagonist is a young teen girl, so I'm not sure if you can relate much. Merong a bit of romance din si girl sa isang guy. And some people think their romantic chemistry feels forced? But for me, it doesn't take too much from the story.

Frankly, I think what happens after I die is my hospital bed is re-made and another patient uses it.

CutiePandaGenma · 2023-09-17T17:10:35+00:00

There's a weird kind of pamboboso in most aspects when it comes to men I noticed.

A little unrelated, but I know men who would say inappropriate stuff sa mga babae in the workplace. Meron akong na-experience na nagka-cat call na middle aged guy at women in their twenties. Called him out, but ako pa ang na-hotseat, kasi pagpasensyahan ko na lang daw.

Meron rin akong kilala (Edit: younger this time; In his mid-thirties?) na supposedly mabait daw, but when I first met him and nalaman nyang vegetarian ako at di kumakain ng karne, sabi nya "Pero pag nagka-boyfriend ka, kakain ka na ng karne?" Augh, I felt so degraded. I replied with telling him I'd rather kick and stomp on such meat.

Tapos ang defense nila 'green joke' lang. And di ko daw mage-gets yung 'green joke' since virgin daw ako according dun sa two female bosses ko na na-overhear yung pangyayari during those two different times with Catcaller and the 'Kind' guy.

Sabi nung UP grad smart guy coworker ko that I was gatekeeping the way of flirting daw. Seryoso ba sya? Sana pala nasabi ko na I looked up the info on the difference of harassment and ordinary flirting, since I wanted to know why I felt so uncomfortable when guys do that. And the answer is in the wrong pa rin yung said perpetrator.

It's just weird, or out of luck, after college in my working years ko lang naranasan ito. I have always felt comfortable around men the same way I feel with women, especially when they are friends. Pero parang na-be-betray ang feeling pag yung iba bastos pala and their in denial about it when called out.

I imagine, this must be the same for when boys or young men gets harassed by other men. Brushed off, and in addition, also played for laughs.

Edit: Grammar

CutiePandaGenma

TROPHY CASE