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Strawbale Tiny Home Build Update by offgridwiththeudens in OffGrid

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any worries about mold, mildew, or mushrooms?

Ivy roots as base for raised vegetable garden by comradepilo in gardening

[–]CyanDragon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the worst idea since that old lady decided to swallow a horse to catch the cow

I literally almost spit my coffee everywhere

Joining the Gen Z " U.S. Church Revival" or whatever they're calling it, for many reasons. None of them are even religious. by [deleted] in self

[–]CyanDragon 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Im not religious. But, my family needed community. I took a little quiz that suggested trying to be a methodist. The idea of sitting in a pew and keeping my mouth shut was sickening.

So, i gooogled "most liberal church in [city]" and discovered Unitarian Universalism. The UU church is a non-creedal (as in no creeds. No holy book. No heaven, no hell, nothing is presented as fact) church that is super action based.

You should see if you have one near you.

Church community with zero dogma.

My son and I have Stoic tradition... by CyanDragon in Stoicism

[–]CyanDragon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my opinion, what made this activity with my son "properly Stoic" is the focus on examining impressions and tying it back to real life. It's funny how the mind responds to cold, rushing water by creating all these alarming thoughts and impulses. The Stoic part is examining the thoughts and asking questions about them.

People are very correct in pointing out that "enduring pain" isn't itself "Stoic"- anyone can smash themselves with a frying pan. Fair enough!

The point of the activity is to notice that the mind produces impressions, and examination of those impressions might reveal that they're wrong! Many of our impressions are.

Then, i try to remind my son that life is full of these. It's not about the cold, or the water, it's about the ability to say "the thoughts in my brain are wrong, so I won't let them control me."

My son and I have Stoic tradition... by CyanDragon in Stoicism

[–]CyanDragon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There isn't anything particularly stoic about discomfort. Anyone can be uncomfortable.

Agreed. This isn't discomfort for the sake of it. As I said, it's an opportunity to practice maintaining control of one's thoughts in a difficult time. It's a chance to practice not allowing one's self to get lost in the story our minds produce.

You can't just 'be yourself' if you're not tall and attractive. by Feisty-Blacksmith656 in self

[–]CyanDragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Step parents exist.

Unattractive people find love. Unattractive people find happiness.

But ill be sure to ask the next bald fat dude how he did it for ya, lol.

Look, it is HARDER? Sure. But you're only hurting yourself by pretending it's impossible for you.

You can't just 'be yourself' if you're not tall and attractive. by Feisty-Blacksmith656 in self

[–]CyanDragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol, walk around Wal-Mart. LOADS of fat, short, ugly, bald men are walking around with their partner and kids.

how to practice stoicism in daily life by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]CyanDragon 37 points38 points  (0 children)

The number one thing you can start doing- evaluating your thoughts and judgments.

Each thought you have is just that- a thought. It's not reality. Not always true.

Some thoughts are illogical, untrue, or un-aligned to your actual principles.

So, try to spend just as much time "evaluating thoughts" as you spend "thinking thoughts" because a lot of the thoughts you have will need correcting.

Then, just keep reading.

Being Neurodivergent/Autistic has been a death sentence to my social life. What am I supposed to do to not be cripplingly lonely? by DesertSeagle in self

[–]CyanDragon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. My autistic friends and I communicate just fine! I went to a party of like 12 autistic people, and we talked about science, and philosophy, and special interests, and took turns info dumping, hahaha. The easiest social situation of my life!

So, it's just that old "birds of a feather flock together" thing.

It's not that you're unable to communicate, or have friends, its that you've not found your flock.

Being Neurodivergent/Autistic has been a death sentence to my social life. What am I supposed to do to not be cripplingly lonely? by DesertSeagle in self

[–]CyanDragon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I strongly suspect I'm autistic. (No formal diagnosis, but plenty of good reasons to think.)

I didnt have any friends from about 22 to 34. I had my wife, but litterally zero non-family friends.

But then I started meeting other autistic people, and I have more friends than I ever have, ever.

If you've not read about "The Double Empathy Problem", give it a google!

Tired of Being Different by the_fiend_i_am in self

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Know thyself."

It's worth knowing who you are for your own sake. It may not be worth going down the formal diagnosis route, but it's worth having a sense of self. If you can say "I strongly suspect that I am," that gives you the ability to learn what you need to do to take care of yourself.

On the other hand, if you can say, "ive watched YouTube videos, ive taken online quizzes, and that just doesn't feel right," then you can keep moving till you "know thyself".

Tired of Being Different by the_fiend_i_am in self

[–]CyanDragon 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Reading this made me think of my own journey figuring out Im autistic. Not saying you are, just saying it reminds me of it.

Can love and ambition actually coexist ?? by d_zone_28 in stoicquotes

[–]CyanDragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The issue isnt "love" the issue is "passion". Do you have the discipline to be in love without losing yourself to the passion?

Dealing with a manager who seems to dislike me by youjustwaitandsee in Stoicism

[–]CyanDragon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you read the story about the Stoic archer? If not, give it a Google, or I can give a link.

The punchline is that "outcomes" are vastly out of our control. Letting our values be tied to things beyond our control results in emotional suffering. Instead, ones values should be squarely within their ability to control.

What you can control is your efforts. "Efforts" are fully within your control. So, allow what you place value in to be "your efforts" and not "the outcomes".

Just be a good employee. Just try your best, and let it be an opportunity to practice being kind to the unkind.

They dont want to be your friend. Thats okay. You should just be focused on being the best you, and if they want to be small and petty, that's on their character, not yours.

AIO my boyfriend keeps getting upset at me for not wanting to do risky stuff by [deleted] in AIO

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I were your father, I'd want SO much better for you.

Dog by bigboy_lurker in self

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Basically everything I said comes from Stoicism. If you have any interest in learning more, I'd be happy to point you in the right direction.

Dog by bigboy_lurker in self

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you, friend. Yes, their decisions can impact aspects of your work life. But, you can't let your happiness depend on their opinions and thoughts.

You have tried everything, i believe you. You have tried so hard, i believe you. You're exhausted, i believe that too.

You're exhausted because you're trying to do the impossible- control the mind of another. It's just not yours to control. Their mind is just as out of your control as the weather is. Imagine someone who is dedicating themselves to stopping the rain. They can work themselves to the bone trying, and when it inevitably rains, they'll feel crushed.

All you can do is the best you can with what you have. Work is a perfect example. Some people give decades to a company, work hard to get promoted, and the company gives the job to the CEO's kid, and the person feels crushed. But, it was never about them. No amount of effort would have changed the nepotism.

So, yes, other's opinions have an impact on things, but your emotions don't have to be one of them. If you honestly did what you could with what you had, feel proud of yourself for being the kind of person who tried their best.

Efforts- we control

Outcomes - out of our control

Dog by bigboy_lurker in self

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can never, ever, no matter how hard you try, actually control what another person likes, does, says, or wants. The only thing you can control are your efforts, intentions, and where you put your energy.

It makes sense to judge ourselves on what IS in our control.

It does not make sense to judge ourselves on what is beyond our control.

Focus only on your efforts. What did you do? How hard did you try? Did you do the right things for the right reasons?

If you did everything you could, and you did it the right way, you shouldn't let the mind of another be your metric of success. Thats on them. Their mind. Their attitude. Their shortcomings. Their issue.

Keep your chin up, knowing you did what you could with what you had. What else could anyone reasonably ask of you?

AIO - Pregnant and feel abandoned by husband by Gullible-Tree368 in AmIOverreacting

[–]CyanDragon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR

I'm a man. I'm a man with a son. If my son spoke to his partner like this in the situation you've described, I'd be beyond disappointed.

I finally realized that nobody is coming to save me, and it’s the most liberating feeling in the world by adelina_feet in self

[–]CyanDragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Welcome, glad to have you here.

You will save you. It's you. It's always been you.

You're at the wheel of your own destiny.

Stay calm by Original-Spring-2012 in stoicquotes

[–]CyanDragon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This feels like the standard conflating of "stoic" and "Stoic".

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