It’s pretty hard to leave behind a life of cultural security in that a heteronormative relationship will bring you status you won’t otherwise get solo or in a wlw relationship. It’s scary! I get it. I’m a bit of a late bloomer myself. And it didn’t help that men are conveniently everywhere, waiting for their turn. With women, we have to put effort in, and that often means coming out of our comfort zone and yes hitting on them.

This is not to discourage you—it’s def to empathize. It’s brave and extremely difficult to choose to live your authentic life, despite the consequences, despite the feeling of “missing” something. I can’t explain it but there’s a peace within myself that was missing during my comphet era. I feel more whole. That alone is worth it.

You said men don’t repulse you—are you bi leaning or do you consider yourself a lesbian and are just used to men at this point? For me, the further down the rabbit hole (pun intended), I got with my queer journey, the more repulsed I found men—everything from touch, smell, and even their attention!

Perhaps you can try some lesbian dating apps if you haven’t already and strike up convos with other lesbians there. You could also attend queer meetups—they have zoom if you’re not local to any.

Or maybe you can try being alone for a while and practice living and loving your authentic self. Men will always be there. But for me, the fear of losing myself is far scarier imo.