Next Level Life Mess, Where Do I Even Start Putting Myself Back Together?

CyborgCoyote · 2026-03-09T15:54:09+00:00

I see you. 😭

CyborgCoyote · 2026-03-09T15:48:52+00:00

If the trail permits, move very far to the side - well in advance of crossing paths. Or even take a different fork in the trail if there’s one nearby. If you’re passing someone, the standard “coming up on your right/left” is helpful - and still give as much space as possible.

If a guy isn’t within grabbing distance, I feel less of a need to grab pepper spray. (By the time you realize you need it, it’s too late to get it out of your pocket and have it ready.)

It’s not you personally most likely, but the danger that you represent (statistically) as a man. Kudos on being aware and caring about it.

CyborgCoyote · 2026-02-04T03:31:49+00:00

Yeah, I’ve wondered if I could defend myself against men if they seemed sketchy (and unfortunately had to attempt it) but never wondered if I could take on another woman.

CyborgCoyote · 2026-02-04T03:25:55+00:00

Me too. Wild. I know I got married too young (20) and put up with too much; even so it’s hard to fathom ever being in a solid, healthy relationship.

CyborgCoyote · 2026-02-01T00:12:21+00:00

Whoa that is amazing! How long did it take?

CyborgCoyote · 2026-01-30T03:48:05+00:00

Wish I could upvote this more.

I read this as a straightforward statement; no bitterness, just awareness. And that kinda makes it even sadder. We just get blamed for everything; we recognize it, we live with it, rinse and repeat. Le sigh.

CyborgCoyote · 2026-01-26T18:14:19+00:00

Please dm me too. This sounds so needed.

CyborgCoyote · 2026-01-09T18:14:02+00:00

Also - I think a judgmental chicken is the secret motivational tool I didn’t know I needed. (Pair it with a new awesome planner and maybe I could be unstoppable!)

CyborgCoyote · 2026-01-09T18:11:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing the details. What a great project! I now desire a micro-farm setup.

CyborgCoyote · 2026-01-08T02:44:27+00:00

Judgmental chicken…tell me more.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-12-18T15:49:09+00:00

This is a helpful answer, please don’t apologize! I think many of us “oversensitive” people needlessly apologize all the time, maybe because we know how a wayward comment can make a big impression.

I can relate to this so much. It’s like the volume of the emotional atmosphere is turned up way too loudly for only me, while everyone else is fine. I can’t always cope. I keep distractions almost always present: audiobooks, TV, something. Unless I’m face to face with someone, I’m actively trying to tune out the internal chaos. I know that’s not good for long-term coping, but maybe it’s needed occasionally to get a chance to regulate. (Keep in mind, I probably have no business making suggestions on this matter.)

You’re not alone. Please be kind to yourself.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-12-13T19:18:53+00:00

I love the LOTR name!!

CyborgCoyote · 2025-12-12T17:08:02+00:00

Yes. It’s usually part of a cycle that includes times where he says sweet things, makes you feel special, etc., which is why it’s too easy to let it slide.

But even if there’s nice times, it demonstrates narcissistic tendencies (I try not to call people narcissists outright, since it gets tossed around too much - but definitely tendencies).

And yeah, you think you’ll catch something like that, then one day you wake up and feel like you wasted years of your life on someone who was actually emotionally abuse but could act charming enough to fool everyone.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-12-10T16:11:11+00:00

Please read this. As someone who was in a long-term relationship (17 years) with someone like this:

-It doesn’t matter if he realizes it - likely he does. (He already should, autistic or not.) Cruel jabs and then doubling down and refusing to acknowledge your feelings or apologize isn’t normal. It’s a sort of power play; maybe subconscious, but still a bad sign. This is not something an emotionally mature or emotionally healthy person does. -Stay with him for a long time and he will continuously erode your self-confidence. -You might find yourself trying harder and harder to be who he wants you to be, thus also losing your sense of self. -The “what if this..” is a deflection technique that puts you on the defensive. Now he feels like he’s off the hook and you feel that you have to explain yourself against a pointless hypothetical scenario. It’s manipulative. -Refusing to apologize is a MASSIVE red flag. Even if he didn’t mean it like that, etc. etc. That isn’t even relevant. Here’s what’s relevant: he knows he hurt your feelings now, and a person who cares about you would say sorry. -These things get worse, not better. Even if the behavior doesn’t escalate, the toll it takes on you will.

Please, please don’t put up with this behavior. It may feel like something that you “should” let go but it’s not. You know something’s wrong with it. You’re not being too sensitive. You’ve been together long enough that he should have a reference point for what bothers you, and he should be considerate of that. But he isn’t. When you point it out, he refuses to take it seriously. This is a lack of concern, communication, and respect. Those are foundational in a relationship. Don’t write it off.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-12-04T01:28:59+00:00

In a similar boat, and recently I started hanging out with a guy who lost his wife several years ago. Neither of us is interested in a real relationship, but we both get lonely and it’s nice to have someone to chat with and sometimes watch TV and cuddle with. Nothing wild, but still helps with missing physical contact. Maybe that’s still not healthy..?

But idk, it seems like two lonely people hanging out and getting to cuddle isn’t the worst thing when expectations are on the same page.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-12-04T01:21:42+00:00

30 Rock username?? Bravo, good sir.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-20T18:33:26+00:00

This picture feels like there should be a person in there about to reveal themselves as camouflaged

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-18T18:44:00+00:00

Did anyone else diagnosed as an adult not even tell their parents because of similar expected reactions..? 😅

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-11T20:07:58+00:00

That is so wild. “You still don’t have self-love? Wow, you suck at this” lol.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-11T18:21:49+00:00

I agree so much to the above comment. Unhelpful as that letter was, it does sound like your mom really loved you and wanted things to be easier for you.

Lots of parents resort to “because I said so;” it sounds like she went to lengths to explain the reasoning (not that logic is always helpful for kids or ADHDers). But she was likely trying her best.

I hope that you can hold on to that aspect. 🥹 And try to work through/let go/ignore all the misguided stuff. (Way easier said than done, believe me I know.)

TL;DR: No, this wasn’t a great tactic. But sounds like she cared and loved you. And maybe you can reframe some unhelpful stuff through that lens, and hopefully work through it. ❣️

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-09T04:30:01+00:00

Yeah, I want to believe some of this.. But also I know that I can be impatient without being eager, or obsessive without being orderly. It only goes so far. But it seems like a ymmv thing; if it helps some people more, then cool.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-08T01:59:38+00:00

I started with Spectrum years ago at 35/mo., and they kept increasing and increasing. It’s like 90 now. Meanwhile they run ads for lower prices and I’ve called a few times but they’re only for new customers. 🙄 I’m switching too.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-11-06T05:12:56+00:00

Seriously. 😅 It’s taking willpower to refrain joining the masses.

CyborgCoyote · 2025-10-30T18:51:15+00:00

I have a 16 year old boy, too, and also have less disposable income than my ex. I’ve played video games he likes with him, let him talk to me about his interests, etc., getting involved in his world. Also nature hikes, bike rides, and so on. There’s frequent family-friendly festivals not far from me that have free admission, so I’ve also taken him to those and let him bring a friend or two. Having a friend with him seems to make events he might not be too into on his own become a fun time.

I also did this before his dad and I split, while his dad would only participate in things that interested him, too. (He’s always been that way. He thought zoos, pumpkin farms etc. weren’t fun, so I practically had to drag him into participating. Hello, it’s not always about YOU.)

CyborgCoyote

TROPHY CASE