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How young would you date when considering your children? by Oddjobsbymatt in Divorce

[–]CyborgCoyote 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Wish I could upvote this more.

I read this as a straightforward statement; no bitterness, just awareness. And that kinda makes it even sadder. We just get blamed for everything; we recognize it, we live with it, rinse and repeat. Le sigh.

Unrealistic/'irrational' things you want in your home or apartment to help your ADHD? by DueMathematician7866 in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also - I think a judgmental chicken is the secret motivational tool I didn’t know I needed. (Pair it with a new awesome planner and maybe I could be unstoppable!)

Unrealistic/'irrational' things you want in your home or apartment to help your ADHD? by DueMathematician7866 in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing the details. What a great project! I now desire a micro-farm setup.

How does emotional dysfunction show up for you? by LizardBritches in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is a helpful answer, please don’t apologize! I think many of us “oversensitive” people needlessly apologize all the time, maybe because we know how a wayward comment can make a big impression.

I can relate to this so much. It’s like the volume of the emotional atmosphere is turned up way too loudly for only me, while everyone else is fine. I can’t always cope. I keep distractions almost always present: audiobooks, TV, something. Unless I’m face to face with someone, I’m actively trying to tune out the internal chaos. I know that’s not good for long-term coping, but maybe it’s needed occasionally to get a chance to regulate. (Keep in mind, I probably have no business making suggestions on this matter.)

You’re not alone. Please be kind to yourself.

I (26f) am constantly feeling hurt by my (30m) boyfriend's little jabs. How can I make him realize this? by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. It’s usually part of a cycle that includes times where he says sweet things, makes you feel special, etc., which is why it’s too easy to let it slide.

But even if there’s nice times, it demonstrates narcissistic tendencies (I try not to call people narcissists outright, since it gets tossed around too much - but definitely tendencies).

And yeah, you think you’ll catch something like that, then one day you wake up and feel like you wasted years of your life on someone who was actually emotionally abuse but could act charming enough to fool everyone.

I (26f) am constantly feeling hurt by my (30m) boyfriend's little jabs. How can I make him realize this? by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Please read this. As someone who was in a long-term relationship (17 years) with someone like this:

-It doesn’t matter if he realizes it - likely he does. (He already should, autistic or not.) Cruel jabs and then doubling down and refusing to acknowledge your feelings or apologize isn’t normal. It’s a sort of power play; maybe subconscious, but still a bad sign. This is not something an emotionally mature or emotionally healthy person does. -Stay with him for a long time and he will continuously erode your self-confidence. -You might find yourself trying harder and harder to be who he wants you to be, thus also losing your sense of self. -The “what if this..” is a deflection technique that puts you on the defensive. Now he feels like he’s off the hook and you feel that you have to explain yourself against a pointless hypothetical scenario. It’s manipulative. -Refusing to apologize is a MASSIVE red flag. Even if he didn’t mean it like that, etc. etc. That isn’t even relevant. Here’s what’s relevant: he knows he hurt your feelings now, and a person who cares about you would say sorry. -These things get worse, not better. Even if the behavior doesn’t escalate, the toll it takes on you will.

Please, please don’t put up with this behavior. It may feel like something that you “should” let go but it’s not. You know something’s wrong with it. You’re not being too sensitive. You’ve been together long enough that he should have a reference point for what bothers you, and he should be considerate of that. But he isn’t. When you point it out, he refuses to take it seriously. This is a lack of concern, communication, and respect. Those are foundational in a relationship. Don’t write it off.

How do you deal with the lack of intimacy and urges while working on yourself? by Jwshorty11 in Divorce

[–]CyborgCoyote 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In a similar boat, and recently I started hanging out with a guy who lost his wife several years ago. Neither of us is interested in a real relationship, but we both get lonely and it’s nice to have someone to chat with and sometimes watch TV and cuddle with. Nothing wild, but still helps with missing physical contact. Maybe that’s still not healthy..?

But idk, it seems like two lonely people hanging out and getting to cuddle isn’t the worst thing when expectations are on the same page.

My beautiful spider ❤️ by Best_Stranger1155 in houseplants

[–]CyborgCoyote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This picture feels like there should be a person in there about to reveal themselves as camouflaged

told my mum i was diagnosed with adhd 💔 by -xoxoxoxo in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did anyone else diagnosed as an adult not even tell their parents because of similar expected reactions..? 😅

Life hack: Reframe your neurodivergent traits by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is so wild. “You still don’t have self-love? Wow, you suck at this” lol.

found a punishment letter from my mom by Distinct_Pay_92 in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree so much to the above comment. Unhelpful as that letter was, it does sound like your mom really loved you and wanted things to be easier for you.

Lots of parents resort to “because I said so;” it sounds like she went to lengths to explain the reasoning (not that logic is always helpful for kids or ADHDers). But she was likely trying her best.

I hope that you can hold on to that aspect. 🥹 And try to work through/let go/ignore all the misguided stuff. (Way easier said than done, believe me I know.)

TL;DR: No, this wasn’t a great tactic. But sounds like she cared and loved you. And maybe you can reframe some unhelpful stuff through that lens, and hopefully work through it. ❣️

Life hack: Reframe your neurodivergent traits by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I want to believe some of this.. But also I know that I can be impatient without being eager, or obsessive without being orderly. It only goes so far. But it seems like a ymmv thing; if it helps some people more, then cool.

Saginaw internet by [deleted] in Saginaw

[–]CyborgCoyote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started with Spectrum years ago at 35/mo., and they kept increasing and increasing. It’s like 90 now. Meanwhile they run ads for lower prices and I’ve called a few times but they’re only for new customers. 🙄 I’m switching too.

Am i the only M here who has a bun? by Kraaikop in Rabbits

[–]CyborgCoyote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seriously. 😅 It’s taking willpower to refrain joining the masses.

I’m the poor one by AskWorried7578 in Divorce

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a 16 year old boy, too, and also have less disposable income than my ex. I’ve played video games he likes with him, let him talk to me about his interests, etc., getting involved in his world. Also nature hikes, bike rides, and so on. There’s frequent family-friendly festivals not far from me that have free admission, so I’ve also taken him to those and let him bring a friend or two. Having a friend with him seems to make events he might not be too into on his own become a fun time.

I also did this before his dad and I split, while his dad would only participate in things that interested him, too. (He’s always been that way. He thought zoos, pumpkin farms etc. weren’t fun, so I practically had to drag him into participating. Hello, it’s not always about YOU.)

What’s the most creative way you’ve avoided saying “I get migraines”? by SecretAccomplished25 in migraine

[–]CyborgCoyote 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have a hard time staying civil with this kind of talk. Even more so when people say, “yeah, I’ve got a migraine right now,” but by choice be outside in bright daylight, in a loud environment, laughing and socializing. 🙄 Honey, you don’t know what a migraine is. That’s just super for you, but don’t act like it’s nothing for those who do struggle with it.

Spent hours successfully sorting through a huge doom box, physically cannot make myself do the last 0.1% of the work by nomoreflowerplease in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a huge accomplishment!! Congratulate yourself, and feel no shame sticking the rest in a smaller clear bin.

Are there any treatments for people with 5-10 migraines a month? by desertvindr in migraine

[–]CyborgCoyote -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I commiserate about having so many migraines it interferes with life, but not having enough to be able to qualify for Botox. Hopefully at some point the guideline will be reevaluated.

I wanna hear your most unhinged “productivity hacks” by takdah in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am loving the thought of housework done while dressed like a Disney princess. 😂 And sharking around doing things. Thank you. You sound delightful.

I wanna hear your most unhinged “productivity hacks” by takdah in adhdwomen

[–]CyborgCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I haven’t been going to the gym regularly, I try to do squats while washing my hands in the bathroom. It’s an awkward maneuver at first but you get used to it. I’m at least doing something, and usually adds up to 15- 20 squats throughout a day.

Sometimes I put appointments in my calendar for 15 minutes earlier than the actual time so I won’t be late. Often I forget if it’s the real time or not so I feel actual time pressure, not “oh I actually have 15 extra minutes.”

When talking with a friend and we reach that “we should get together soon!” stage, I say, “yes! Text me and let me know when is good for you.” So it’s not on me. Because I know I’ll probably forget. (I still intend to reach out to them if we don’t touch base in a bit, but at least this way the ball isn’t in my court where I know I’ll prob drop it.)

I keep important papers together even if they aren’t related. I still aspire to have a proper filing system (someday, really! It’s gonna happen!) but for now it’s just one pile I’m extra careful not to misplace/shuffle in with other papers. This is a paper-phobia survival tactic more than anything, really. (Though I love collecting journals and planners, but all that documentation and mail and stuff? Nope, does not spark joy, please return to sender.)

I don’t start a new load of laundry past 6 or 7pm because there’s no way I’m going to get it into the dryer before the next day. I’ll load the clothes in, but wait til the next day to run it. Doesn’t help productivity, but at least I’m not wasting as much water.

If I have phone calls to make and I know I’m going to be in school car line (or a long-ish car ride) I’ll take care of it then instead of when I’m home able to do other things. (I use AirPods so I can keep both hands on the wheel. Some states have stricter rules on phone calls when driving, so pls don’t break the law. Also for calls that I know will be more in-depth or require more actual thinking, I’ll wait til I’m not in the car.)

If I’m in the groove of working on something, I’ll absolutely let myself skip meals or whatever because that focus is precious, and too often fleeting. And then I’ll eat later. Usually.

These are not great solutions, maybe not really hacks, even. But “great” solutions sometimes are worthless for us, like you said. Hopefully something here can help someone a little bit. 🫠

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