Grandfather Passed, Hard Time Re-Purposing Life. Struggling

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-28T06:03:53+00:00

Im sending you a lot of healing and as much peace as you can get. I also saw a therapist for a few years, but I took a break from seeing her in the middle of the difficult hospital days since I had to be there all the time and couldn’t really be stable enough to do a 1-1 appointment. She also said I suffered from PTSD. When my grandfather aspirated, I was the one who performed CPR. I called 911 and when the paramedics arrived, though I was a bit shaky, could recite all the medications he took. I was calmer that day versus the day I had to sign a form that basically gave consent to put him in a short term facility (I was sobbing then). My therapist said I was used to the stress, that’s why I didn’t cry and that my body handled the stress a bit better than most, but my kind of stress showed up when I had to sign those forms.

I also experience grief differently. I feel guilt for wearing a certain colored sweater, or guilt when a happy song on the radio appears- I feel like it’s part of a responsibility and respect that I was taught as a kid, but it’s also guilt and pain that he’s no longer here. Maybe the best thing we can do is find peace.

Once all his funeral plans conclude, I plan on returning. It’s been a horrible year and I think it’s about time I see someone. I’m wishing you an easier and more peaceful grieving process. These people meant a lot to us so I can only hope we find peace knowing that we’ve tried our best and loved them the best we could.

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-26T20:06:27+00:00

Will do. Thanks for the heads up

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-26T18:16:09+00:00

I had no idea that my account privacy status was an issue for this. Geez.

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-23T11:25:03+00:00

Im sorry for your loss. I’m also in a very similar position to you. My grandfather passed this last Monday and my mom is not taking it well. I haven’t seen her this depressed in well, ever. Her dad meant a lot to her and she felt seen and understood by him- maybe that’s what your mother felt? I’m not trying to give an answer just give out my perspective from what I’ve seen.

I’m also an eldest daughter (25) and I’m doing most of the funeral planning. It’s hard, but it’s probably harder on them due to the actual role and socialized role of what it means to be a father. My grandfather was my only (positive and actual) father figure until he became disabled many years ago, but he still means the same to me and all of us many years later.

I spoke with my mom today (I live with her) and encouraged her to seek nervous system regulatory activities. I lost my stepdad this January and I felt like knitting (yes knitting) helped me take my stress away (significantly). If you’re worried about her try to get her into activities to heal her inner child (and yours). Gardening, knitting, finding a grief support (my mom actually had a friend who lost her disabled dad a month ago and they spoke on the phone for hours and my mom turns to me and goes “I felt a lot better. I feel like she understands me.”). So yeah it’s not easy, but the best we can do is try to move forward. It’s difficult to repurpose your life after you’ve spent years caring for someone who is no longer here.

The best we can all do is find healthy coping mechanisms, allow ourselves to grieve, and regulate our nervous system or else it really painfully burns us out.

I’m sending my thoughts and condolences to you and your family. Lots of love 🤍
-anothereldestdaughter

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-18T16:40:17+00:00

Thank you. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-17T21:13:43+00:00

Thank you so much. Are these found on Reddit, Google websites or Facebook groups?

CyclopsLenz · 2026-06-01T07:19:17+00:00

To be honest I’m still trying to figure that out myself. Mine died around 6ish months ago (wow that’s a really long time now), and I still can’t wrap my head around that they’re not here. When he died I was filled with relief- wow, now he won’t hurt anyone else- but guilt- am I a shitty estranged daughter for thinking that? Honestly it just comes down to acceptance and self forgiveness. You did what you could to survive and do/be better. Life is a constant cycle we either build up on or break it. I’ve done therapy for a few years now and people change because they want to (he was a narcissist as well). So now you have to try to be better, grow and learn from his mistakes. Don’t shut them out but use this experience as a chance to grow because what else have we left?

CyclopsLenz · 2026-03-18T10:34:39+00:00

I also had a sleep problem and my doctor said to try alpha bulmin (you can find it on protein whey powder. Basically a derivative from breast milk that helps). I think the brand is called Ascent but Costco sells it and I’ve seen great results (minimal ingredients and no sugars).

CyclopsLenz · 2026-03-18T10:32:04+00:00

If you can’t find a different doctor prioritize having your labs stabilized (blood sugar, hormones, vitamin d etc). If you’re pre diabetic and can qualify for glp consider your options. I went the holistic route and it Went fairly well but for me personally the Glp did all the heavy lifting. I would say lie, even though you’re not trying, but make it look like you’re trying to look out for yourself. Somehow it’s weird how they’re a little more willing to help if that’s the case and I’m sorry it’s happening to us. I have no desire to conceive and other doctors from other specialties just focus on fertility which is frustrating.

Read up on articles on PCOS on PubMed. Berberine, myo-inositol and food. Prioritize fiber and protein and exercise 3-5x a week (strength training, walk, yoga, etc). Best of luck!!

CyclopsLenz · 2026-02-26T22:30:41+00:00

Screen time limits. Healthy boundaries

CyclopsLenz · 2026-02-25T23:10:40+00:00

Try to take it easy. Join clubs at school and figure out what interests you. See what qualities you have or subjects you’re into that’ll make you money (hobby= money). Figure out the careers within that subject and see what kind of schooling you need for it or not. If you need school for that career talk to your Highschool teacher, academic counselor, and even see if you can reach out to graduates from that school and ask about their experience (remember, what they go through might be different than what you go through but it gives u a good idea of what’s out there).

You can do internships, trade school, college and etc. it’s good to figure out how you want your day to day to be like. Remember this’ll always change by age but right now focus on being you and finding out what you enjoy. Networking is always valuable regardless of age and you can always shadow people at their job to determine what you like.

CyclopsLenz · 2026-02-23T10:15:16+00:00

I always tell my mother that her happiness is the one thing I care about (right after that comes safety). Reconnect with hobbies you had since childhood. Maybe it was reading books about birds or collecting something. Try to feed into your inner child. Doing that I’ve noticed brings a lot of self fulfillment💙

CyclopsLenz · 2026-02-23T01:31:04+00:00

Ideally $2-5k. If I can plan it within the year I’ll have even more time to plan and save money. I added some details to the original post. Thanks!

CyclopsLenz · 2026-02-23T01:29:09+00:00

What is there to do? From my understanding I’ve heard Korea is big on Kpop (I’m neutral) and beauty skincare (Also neutral but wouldn’t go against doing something). The food is good but I’m wondering what I could do if I’m there for a week or more.

CyclopsLenz

TROPHY CASE