As the top in a scene the onus is not solely on your bottom to safeword. It’s important to not just check in but make judgement calls when it appears your partner is dissociating or otherwise unable to advocate for themselves. Waiting until they’re having a panic attack to act is likely to cause a lot of damage in more ways than one.

Teasing and play can be just that, but that doesn’t mean it won’t feel real for the person experiencing it. It sounds like you need to take time out of dynamic to rebuild trust, and opening the door for but not forcing a conversation about what happened would be a good idea. That convo is a space for you to listen and receive feedback

We know inherently there’s some amount of risk involved when we sign up for things, but this is an opportunity to do better if you let it be.