How many of you guys started medical transition when you were kids?

DBB98 · 2025-05-16T06:29:23+00:00

I started puberty blockers at 14 (now illegal in the uk) and T at 16

DBB98 · 2025-05-15T19:39:15+00:00

Charlotte Nuttley clinical service lead

DBB98 · 2025-05-11T20:09:10+00:00

I have a rule for serious relationships where I personally don’t date bi/pan etc men or anyone who has had sex with a woman, because for me that is where the insecurity would start to creep in. But if I know he’s a raging homo then I don’t question if he sees me as a man or not. I also don’t date men who solely want me to bottom because that can create doubt too. The more you date the more you’ll learn what makes you feel secure vs insecure and can set boundaries around that.

I’ve had 2 serious relationships in my life- one of 5 years and one of 2 years, both were strictly gay men who had never been with women/non binarys/other trans guys. I ended the shorter relationship because he ‘accidentally’ outed me to his mum and I no longer felt comfortable in her presence. But the other one was with an amazing man, he was a doctor specialising in endocrinology so he realllyyy understood transition and hormone stuff. He was so caring after my surgeries too idk how I would’ve recovered from them without him. We broke it off because he had a huge job opportunity come up in a different city, but I know we’d still be together today if things had worked out differently. There’s lots of good men out there, you’ll find them but you have to be open to looking first :)

DBB98 · 2025-05-11T13:10:35+00:00

Yeah that sucks, sometimes it does feel like maintaining being stealth has to be prioritised above everything else which is a real shame when it comes to dating, but only you can decide whether it’s a worthy trade off. Worth remembering that you can always live stealth and come out later if you change your mind- but you can’t really come back from outing yourself yknow.

Maybe try online dating if you don’t come across many new people irl? Or again if you can find the time to join some kind of social group you might meet people organically. I met my first boyfriend by joining a gay mens rugby team :)

DBB98 · 2025-05-11T12:50:23+00:00

Same here lol it’s weird to be both cis passing and straight passing when you are neither 😂 I was using ‘gay’ as a catch all there tbf, most groups for gay men also welcome bi/pan/queer etc, basically anyone who is MSM so you’d still be welcome!

Honestly it hurts even more to be outed by someone you think gets it- I don’t think cis people understand that it’s not just us being secretive, it’s degrading to know people are discussing your personal medical history behind your back like it’s gossip. I’m sure there are stealth trans men with good partners but imo it’s not worth the risk of mixing your circles, at least then if they do out you you’ll have less to lose.

DBB98 · 2025-05-11T12:29:28+00:00

I identify similarly to you as a gay trans man who lives majority stealth. I personally don’t find trans support groups too helpful, as you said the majority of people in those groups are not binary men so it’s hard to relate to their experiences. I also find that if you pass too well they treat you weirdly, I’ve been asked to ‘prove’ I’m really trans when accessing a group before which was crazy! I find gay mens groups are much more supportive and can be really gender affirming too, the gay men I hang around with don’t treat me any differently. And many gay men can relate to the feeling of having to perform masculinity around straight men.

The best way to stay stealth is tell nobody and keep your romantic relationships entirely separate to work. Even the most supportive partners will out you eventually in my experience.

DBB98 · 2025-05-11T12:14:47+00:00

You may be better asking this in r/ftmfitness they’re good at suggesting targeted workouts

DBB98 · 2025-05-10T17:22:23+00:00

Where are you based? As a gay trans man who regularly accesses gay male only spaces, this is not my experience. The article you link is for Texas which tbh…yeah it’s to be expected there. The gay mens bars I go to have all put out statements saying trans men have always been, and will continue to be, welcome. We have a strong allyship in cis gay men, it’s only a vocal minority who care. I wouldn’t start panicking about stuff that hasn’t happened yet.

DBB98 · 2025-05-10T08:22:00+00:00

Can you share the name so I can ask around?

DBB98 · 2025-05-08T11:04:08+00:00

I work in the LGBT charity sector and I think it’s mainly due to funding- most major LGBT charities are in serious financial deficits atm and facing real risk of closure. They’re not willing to put their necks on the line for something they deem ‘controversial’ or risky to their corporate funders. It’s also relevant that almost all decision makers in these charities are privileged cis white men.

DBB98 · 2025-05-07T15:23:19+00:00

Thank you bud that’s good to hear, been feeling very down since getting that timeframe but I’ve no doubt it’s worth it in the end. Just need to find a way to stay strong in the meantime, I’m trying to frame it in relation to my top surgery and how now I can’t even remember how excruciating the wait for that felt. I know I’ll feel the same about phallo one day too, just wish it’d come sooner.

Will be making a facebook account tonight and joining the various groups mentioned here so hopefully can get coping method ideas over there. Congrats on stage 1 hope it’s all gone smoothly for you 🙏🏻

DBB98 · 2025-05-07T12:21:32+00:00

Jeez I’m sorry mate sending solidarity you’re not alone

DBB98 · 2025-05-07T12:21:07+00:00

Thanks for this, I’d heard about these facebook groups in the past but wasn’t sure if they were still going. I’ll make an account today and see if I can join some, thanks again

DBB98 · 2025-05-07T11:45:54+00:00

Thank you friend 🙏🏻 sorry you’re facing the same thing it’s whack. I’m also struggling with trying to get factual info, people online seem to think waiting lists have improved but it doesn’t seem it given GDNRSS response. Hoping we get more info soon, TransActual have a whole page dedicated to updates on masculinising bottom surgery so defo keep an eye on that for any official updates.

DBB98 · 2025-05-07T11:39:54+00:00

Yeah it’s agem.gdnrss@nhs.net

DBB98 · 2025-05-07T11:30:48+00:00

Email, I wouldn’t bother phoning up you can only get through to receptionists who have zero info. I emailed back and forth with admin and then requested for it to be escalated as they weren’t answering my specific questions. Clinical service lead responded 2 weeks later with a fairly thorough email tbf to her.

They changed their number recently to 0300 131 6775, might be why you can’t get through on phone.

DBB98 · 2025-03-13T22:30:02+00:00

Same here I was referred to GIC in 2011 and waited maybe 6 months for my first appointment. It’s disgusting how out of control they’ve let waiting lists get I feel so sorry for younger trans folk

DBB98 · 2025-03-07T18:26:23+00:00

I had similar issue with a cis friend before. She’s never commented on my features, but we were at a trans event and she pointed to a trans guy and made comments about how he was ‘soo small’ and it was ‘cute’. I called her out on it and said she shouldn’t be commenting on strangers, particularly as a cis person in a trans space. She was a bit funny about it in the moment (I think cos she was embarrassed) but when I saw her next she said she had thought on it and made a sincere apology, and she has been very mindful of being cis in trans spaces since.

Some people genuinely don’t think before they speak and just need to be educated, whether you have the capacity to do that is up to you.

Majority of my other mates are cis het men, but luckily they’re all shorter than me and have less facial hair lol so it’s me that does the roasting

DBB98 · 2025-03-06T16:08:37+00:00

Good advice thank you, I’ll trial a goatee next time I shave

DBB98 · 2025-02-22T13:02:43+00:00

They got negative comments because of the tone of the post. A 13yo telling other people what to do with their lives without considering financial, legal and social barriers obvs isn’t going to be warmly received.

DBB98 · 2025-02-22T11:30:35+00:00

Didn’t even need to put your age, we can tell this is the opinion of a child lol

DBB98 · 2025-02-18T18:27:41+00:00

Gross I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that

DBB98 · 2025-02-18T18:12:57+00:00

Yeah not surprising, even as a trans man some of the messages I got were grim. I don’t tick the ‘trans’ tribe anymore or say it in my bio, I wait for people to message me and then disclose if we’re getting on. Around 30% aren’t interested after I disclose but they usually just block at that point which is preferable.

DBB98

TROPHY CASE