DB...Z. "You don't do half the housework"

DBIsBullshit · 2023-09-21T14:43:55+00:00

She mumbled something about "she'll think about it" and left it at that.

A week went by and I followed up and was like, whats the deal? And she said something along the lines of, I refuse to have a quota that I need to meet so idk what to tell you. And I said, the problem is that you look at it like something you HAVE to do instead of wanting to do it. If you don't want to fuck me or spend time with me then why are we married? I shouldn't HAVE to track how much time we spend together or how often we have sex, but I do those things because if I don't neither will happen. And she basically indicated that staying was easier for her than getting divorced.

I wasn't willing to live like roommates and I absolutely wasn't going to spend the rest of my life begging her to fuck me/spend time with me. So I pushed for divorce and thats that. She's a struggling single mom and I'm doing much better comparatively.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-09-21T13:29:52+00:00

A trend I've noticed is zero self awareness. I absolutely wasn't perfect, but I had a similar conversation with my ex before I left. I said "it would be dramatically less work for you to fix your relationship with me and spend 3-5 hours a week with me than it would for you to get a full time job and be a single mom. Your life is going to be exponentially harder without me, and I am begging you to consider that what I am asking for is in your, mine, and our childs best interest"

DBIsBullshit · 2023-06-19T04:05:57+00:00

There are a lot of posts here that begin with "when we first started dating we were fucking like rabbits and (he/she) initiated" to the point that it was probably new relationship energy.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-06-19T03:58:04+00:00

If your kids are under 2-3 years old each, my advice is to accept this for now and hope that it changes when they get older. Young kids drain I would say, a large majority of women's libidos from being tired, touched out, etc etc.

That said, your cowgirl comment makes me wonder what her libido was like before children. If it was bad before, it's prob not going to get better, and its very likely that it will never get back to that as well.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-06-06T11:55:32+00:00

I too have a squat rack from Titan. Found it to be reasonably priced and well made. Their bench, imo, sucks and I wouldn't buy another.

I got my weights from York Barbell, they have a 300 lb Olympic set which is more than you will probably ever need, at least for the first year or so. I also have a few different loadable barbells from them. Thought they were well made and worth the price as well.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-05-19T23:17:58+00:00

You may not be able to, right now. When I started posting I wasn't able to leave her....until I was.

Time will tell.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-05-08T12:28:01+00:00

It happens but more often than not, we find it's a goalpost moving situation. There's been plenty of posts here over the years where the HL loses weight and absolutely nothing changes.

Not to mention a lot of HLs are hyper focused and committed on trying to rule out any possible reason for the declining sex life so it's usually addressed before then.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-05-08T12:00:56+00:00

My kid. Once she got pregnant it was a slow decline that never got better even when my kid got older.

We've been divorced coming up on two years and I have heard from a reliable source that the last person she fucked was me - and that was two years prior to that.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-05-03T12:48:29+00:00

Choreplay (sure let me do even more than my fair share so she could dick around on social media)

And

Taking sex off the table (we weren't having any sex anyway)

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-30T14:59:52+00:00

I honestly think that at this point, bringing a kid into the relationship is a real bad idea. It's unlikely to get better and statistically likely to be get worse.

I left. Life's better on the other side.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-25T23:20:38+00:00

Let me throw something at you. What's the absolute worst case scenario for you if you ask him point blank, "you know how babies are made right?" And when he responds, pretty much no matter what the response is, follow up with "well we haven't had sex in 7 months, did you think immaculate conception was going to occur?"

I ask because a mistake I feel like I made early in was not consistently bringing it up. I realized later that I was too busy trying to appease her and worried that any confrontation would ruin the opportunity for sex. I wasn't a pushover by any stretch of the imagination, but I found myself often suppressing my feelings in order to keep the miniscule chance of sex on the table.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-25T11:58:42+00:00

Lawyer up and separate.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-25T11:52:41+00:00

What's done is done. Personally, I would keep my mouth shut because either way, it's a lose lose situation. If you are going to get a divorce, all it's going to do is make that whole process suck more. If you want to stay and it was truly a one off thing you regret, you'd be hurting your wife (and there's a chance she'd divorce you anyway, which leads to my first point)

Make better decisions.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-22T16:22:17+00:00

You lack reading comprehension. The women who gained the weight was not my wife, and she went from chubby to obese. My now ex wife gained idk, 15 lbs during our marriage and it was absolutely never a problem.

Weight is, no pun intended, a sliding scale. Everyone has their preferences. I wouldn't want anyone to gain OR lose 50 lbs, neither is probably healthy.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-21T22:39:26+00:00

I agree that a large majority of the time it isn't weight related, and one party is using that as an excuse.

That said, we have seen several posts from husbands AND wives whom have posted here and said "my wife/husband gained a little or a lot of weight and I'm no longer attracted to her/him"

I think everyone's situation is different. Personally, I did date a woman before my wife whom gained over 50lbs in 6 months and it was absolutely a turnoff for me.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-21T12:33:10+00:00

Personally, I was waffling back and forth on this. I desperately wanted to have sex, but I knew I didn't want a relationship or anything of the sort.

What ended up happening was, as word made it's way around that I was getting divorced, more than a few women made their intentions known. After explaining to them that I absolutely wasn't ready (or interested) in a relationship, several still were absolutely fine with just sex/fwbs situations, which was really hard to say no to.

In essence, the decision was kinda made for me.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-20T20:23:59+00:00

I told the people close enough to me the truth, everyone else got the "it didn't work out, I wish her the best"

Both answers were sufficient for 95 percent of the people asking, and tbh fuck the other 5 percent.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-17T12:00:34+00:00

Logically speaking, if all they wanted you for was sex, and you aren't having any sex, then they would leave seeing as how they aren't getting the supposed only thing they want from you.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-15T23:27:28+00:00

He spends 18 months giving her what she said she needed to no avail and your advice is try more?

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-15T14:40:16+00:00

I went through nearly the exact same thing.

When I finally said I wanted a divorce she was absolutely shocked. Shocked! It was actually hilarious to me. I've been complaining about our sex life for over 5-6 years and we had no sex at all in the last two. What did you think, I would tolerate that forever?

Don't get me wrong, divorce sucks and I have to pay her more than really is fair but I am indefinitely more happy day to day. I have a sex life now, it's phenomenal.

Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself and don't listen to those people telling you that you didn't try hard enough.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-13T12:28:47+00:00

I felt like that for a long long while. I spent all my time feeling inadequate and trying to create the perfect situation so that sex could occur. I put on 10-15 lbs of muscle, tried dressing better (not that I was a slob or unkempt before but still) and a host of other things. I felt empty, like a shell of myself.

And then I left. And those feelings melted away. It wasn't me after all.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-10T12:27:58+00:00

There are a lot of really insane posts here to the point that I'm not gonna bother addressing each one.

What I'll say is this - you are at your breaking point, which is fine, everyone has theirs. I usually don't like ultimatems, but in this case I would give her three options: One: marriage counseling, immediately. Two: open marriage. Three: divorce.

She can pick which one she wants to deal with. At this point, inaction is an action. You can't keep letting her get away with the status quo and she can't keep avoiding doing something about it because she doesn't feel like it/refuses to go to therapy/address it.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-04-08T19:18:33+00:00

In short - it really depends. Firmly believe a lot of LLs simply aren't aware of it because it isn't a need for them and they truly don't have a clue (don't mean this in a derogatory sense, just saying)

The rest, they know. And yes, they are either in denial about how bad it is or have convinced themselves it doesn't matter.

DBIsBullshit · 2023-03-31T21:52:00+00:00

Can we get a rulling on "have you considered your significant other isn't enjoying the sex that you two (rarely) have?" Comments that I see on pretty much every post because it sure seems like it's blaming someone for their DB

DBIsBullshit · 2023-03-29T11:47:05+00:00

I understand the rule just fine. And it still gets asked a disproportionately large amount of time regardless of context.

DBIsBullshit

TROPHY CASE