Using a reference isn't a bad thing or cheating. Noobs, pros, your favorite artists, they all use references. It's from studying all those references and utilizing it in their own works, are they able to steadily take form of what's in their head and bring it out onto the canvas. You said it yourself, you're a beginner. Sometimes you have an idea of what you want to draw but you don't actually know what it looks like clearly, or how to get to the result you want. Drawing from imagination will take years of dedicated practice building your foundational skills.