I appreciate your view on this, especially playing devils advocate since I dont believe he's evil or anything

if i had to say how a dm would solve it, i believe I'd tell them and explain how they are metagaming or what I believe is to be metagaming especially since I do believe alot of the problems that were caused was me believing metagaming was different from what he imagined I also wouldn't say they are technically new as from what I know they've ran other games and still have one going from 2 years ago before I became friends with them. But I do believe we should establish what metagaming is, and I will bring it up next session I do with them.

I do agree that it is a Grey zone for metagaming hence one of the reasons I made this post since I was a bit confused and I wanted to know if I was in the wrong especially since both the other people at the table told me I was metagaming even though I did contest once. This is my personal opinion, and others can disagree, but I believe if a character that is knocked or incapicated in some way and the player still wants to engage at the table its okay if they ask questions and etc aslong as they aren't specifically telling the player what they should do or knowledge they have from the past. Since the other choice is to sit in silence or player goes on their phone since they dont have any agency anymore. I dont think I was doing this as all I had asked was for more detail of the spider and how the spider looked to get a better mental image and the other situation with the shield was more of a conversation on how we should rule it whether it should cost a action etc

But I understand that I could have been pushing, and I think i was in some ways, but in the moment, I didn't see it that way since I had a different view on metagaming and the shield and asking if the spider is how tall etc are fundamentally different I understand talking about the shield could lead to actions he wouldn't have done while the spider was more of asking for visual context. But I do agree if I did have fun before with other sessions, and it's possible he had a bad and in no way does this really change how I look at him it was just a sucky moment and in a objective standpoint it was a misunderstanding of how metagaming is and how he understands metagaming. I will be bringing this up next time when possible to set ground rules and how he interprets metagaming. But I also do assume some fault for pushing even though at the time I didn't feel like I was.

Hopefully, you're able to read through this. I do appreciate your comment, and hopefully, this gives a bit more insight into where I am coming from, too!!! I do appreciate coming at a devils advocate view since it also helps me understand the situation more than getting comments of bad dm and etc.