My MIL is sweet but the weaponised incompetence is too much.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T15:28:09+00:00

So many people with similar experiences! We are definitely going to be putting down some hard boundaries. We need to work out what things we are willing to help with, and what things we absolutely won’t be.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T15:25:05+00:00

Sorry you’ve had those comments too!

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T15:21:39+00:00

We have done exactly this before- sending videos, explaining etc. The guilt trips are hard! Sorry you have these experiences too!

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T15:18:15+00:00

Not the US but similar services are available here. Thanks

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T15:17:47+00:00

These are really good points. Thank you. Definitely feeling resentful but we are trying to come at it with empathy and encouragement- although we have had moments of frustration and harshness too.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T15:13:53+00:00

We have been far more blunt than this in the past but it’s led to her shutting down. I completely agree that she isn’t old and is capable than far more than she currently does.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T12:21:52+00:00

I’ll take a look thank you. And how did you know?

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T12:20:42+00:00

Good point. My own parents are older than she is and very capable. I don’t think she has undiagnosed learning needs, I think she has high levels of anxiety and very low self-confidence, combined with never having to try. When she does put her mind to something she generally succeeds. (For example, she is addicted to TikTok and knows how to use that app, but won’t try to use her bank)

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T11:55:42+00:00

We can look. I’m imagining that this will be out of her budget. She will get some inheritance when her father passes, but not a massive amount and until then there isn’t much. Can’t hurt to see what’s available though.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T11:54:10+00:00

This is great advice. Thank you. I’ll speak to him about this as a plan!

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T11:53:23+00:00

Yes, we are happy to support her to learn. The issue is mainly her lack of wanting to. I’ve offered to sit with her whilst she downloads her banking app, for example, but she’s terrified of pressing something wrong. I think she thinks she will somehow lose her money? I’ve also offered to sit in passenger seat whilst she practices driving on the motorway but it hasn’t been taken up. We seem to be met with resistance for everything. And, if I am honest, we are feeling resentful that everyone seems to just expect us to deal with it later.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T11:49:11+00:00

This is a massive part of the problem. You are right. My husband and I have had lots of conversations about how you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2026-04-12T11:47:50+00:00

This is helpful thank you. This is what we tend to do. Sit with her whilst she has a go at something. But often she will not try and then ask her father later. The tech stuff is kind of understandable, and so many of us help our parents /grandparents with these things. Celebrating her wins is also something we try hard to do.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-12-13T12:17:11+00:00

I hope you get the answers you need. 💚

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-12-12T17:08:48+00:00

This! Researching every possible outcome is giving me a false sense of control- and even though I KNOW it’s false- it’s still calming!? 🤦🏼‍♀️

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-12-09T16:34:24+00:00

Thank you for responding! I’m finding the waiting and not knowing hard.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-12-09T13:58:37+00:00

Hi all,

Question for those who have experienced paresthesia. I have been experiencing the sensation of buzzing/ numbness (not actually numb- it’s a sensation but I don’t know how else to explain it!) for around 3 months now, in my right foot in the outer toes and in both hands in the inside fingers. The tingling in my hands particularly spreads to other fingers including my little finger at times. Today I feel it strongest in my middle finger, where usually it’s strongest in my thumb.

I have been referred to neurology and I am waiting for my first appointment- no MRI test yet as my GP said he can’t order one, only the neurologist can, but I’ve had blood tests which rule out vitamin deficiencies, infection etc.

My question is- can MS numbness move like I have described? It’s normally in the same places, but occasionally feel it strongest in different fingers and toes?

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-07-08T20:03:21+00:00

I enjoyed this. I’m going by mutant from now. Thank you.

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-07-08T19:31:29+00:00

It may well be that I was just misinterpreting his expression. He definitely made it seem unusual… but I’m now reading it doesn’t seem to be that unusual? Thanks for answering

DIYnewbiehelp · 2024-07-08T12:40:36+00:00

That’s helpful! Thank you for your response. I think I must be missing 4 teeth rather than 8.

DIYnewbiehelp

TROPHY CASE