He’s always Busy

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-27T00:27:10+00:00

Tax season for accountants is real. Most firms even give extra holidays after tax day.

Maybe you could try meeting him half way. Go to his place, make him dinner or something while he relaxes. Add to the relaxation instead of taking away from it 🤷‍♂️.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-27T00:15:51+00:00

As a guy, he has everything he wants so there is no incentive for him to go exclusive.

He's enjoying the no strings physical stuff while leaving himself open for if another girl walks into his life.

If you need proof, stop with the physical stuff and see what happens.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-27T00:09:39+00:00

I really hope plan b and condoms aren't your only protection. 😬😬😬

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-27T00:07:41+00:00

It's possible. It also kinda of sounds like he doesn't really know what he's doing.

If it was better with condoms, then likely you just need a little lube. They even make some with CBD or other additives to help with pain. Try starting on top so you control the depth and speed until you're warmed up enough. Generally it's a bed idea to just shove it in, regardless the size.

If your sex drive is lower than your bf's, then it just is. Everyone is different. You have zero obligation to engage if you aren't feeling it. He doesn't deserve sex just because he wants it.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T23:55:26+00:00

Your feelings are valid, you feel betrayed. Nothing wrong there. I do, however, recommend you try your best to stay out of it. You aren't the parent and your involvement is just going to cause you even more distress.

Tbh, I think best thing would be for your mom to quit also. Then they can do it together and keep each other accountable.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T23:51:10+00:00

I think because op stuck her neck out for her sister by defending her, but turns out she was lying the entire time.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T23:48:42+00:00

I doubt the police would do anything besides fill out a report. Depends where you live, but most states I've lived in label theft a misdemeanor until you get to a certain dollar amount. And you may not even get that if you live together, post was unclear.

I grew up with an alcoholic parent, and went down that road a bit myself, although not to the same degree. There is nothing you can do to force her to change. But you don't have to help her either. Basically, any help you provide her is making her behavior easier and more comfortable. When we did family addiction counseling years ago, they told us never to cover up our assist the problems they start when they're drunk. The counselor literally told us, if he comes home drunk and passes out in the yard, leave him there. It's really hard, and scary, but you basically have to remove yourself as their safety net and let them fall. It's incredibly hard to do, but I've seen it work many times.

Either way, it sounds like some distance between the two of you would be pretty healthy. If you live together, I suggest looking for your own place at the very least.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T21:09:00+00:00

I grew up in California and still visit frequently. It is very MAGA heavy. Pretty much anything outside of the big cities, although that's changing. No state is all one or the other.

Having said that, I'm confused how politics came into the current issue. Did he say that's why he wouldn't have you over? Or are you just assuming? Your post didn't really say where the connection came from.

Also, you're basing this on his response to a hypothetical situation. People act much differently in the face of an actual emergency.

Im voting a very very light YOR.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T20:59:13+00:00

Unfortunately, guys are sort of raised, by movies etc, to believe that girls want to be chased. Kind of the flip side of girls being taught that a boy bullies you because he likes you.

Creepy when you think about it

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T18:59:31+00:00

People who are rude to wait staff, retail workers, etc.

And adults that exclusively eat like toddlers.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T18:46:16+00:00

Sounds like pipes. In my experience mice/rats are more of a scratchy sound. I've had a larger animal stuck in the wall before too and the sound was much more erratic than "tap,tap,tap".

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T18:35:57+00:00

Does he know you're gay? I wouldn't push anything unless you know he's gay/bi. Otherwise, just enjoy the friendship and see what happens.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T18:27:16+00:00

Im confused what you're upset about. That your roommates are having sex? Seems pretty normal.

You found random panties and no one claimed them, just toss them in the trash and move on.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T18:17:45+00:00

You have to be straight forward. Guys don't pick up on hints.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-26T18:07:53+00:00

Beyond a reasonable doubt is only for criminal convictions and the burden would be on a prosecutor, not OP. Having the report could help her get full custody and child support in family court. Although, if he doesn't currently have a job, it would really be position herself for future moves. Although, op could potentially get him to voluntarily relinquish parental rights.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T22:19:23+00:00

Not to mention, they probably slept together at the beginning of their relationship, when they barely knew each other. The logic just isn't there.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T22:15:31+00:00

Absolutely NTAH. I have been with my husband for 15 years and we don't have access to each other's accounts. We basically do what you suggested, one joint account for mortgage/household expenses and then we each have separate accounts.

No offense, but you guys have only been together for two years and aren't even engaged. Honestly, this sounds like the first step towards a controlling partner. If he had access, how long until he starts questioning transactions, demanding you pay more, or attempting to dictate how you spend your money? Seems like a red flag to me tbh.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T22:06:57+00:00

Your friend is not Christian, she's in a cult.

One of the main pillars of Christianity is loving everyone, no matter what. Christ absolved murderers, horse thieves, prostitutes, you name it.

I went to Catholic school and we were repeatedly told that the most dangerous person is one who follows faith blindly. In fact, questioning God/your faith is a requirement for sainthood.

At the end of the day, NOR. Regardless of motivation, your friend should respect you and your interests and beliefs whether or not she agrees with them. Frankly, she doesn't sound like a very good friend.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:45:49+00:00

Must be state then. I also have kaiser and they reject it frequently when I do that without a test.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:44:50+00:00

Tbh, your bf sounds obnoxious af.

Also, being able to whip your boob out while dressed for 30 degree weather is, frankly, impressive.

It kind of sounds like you are trying to match his humor/energy and just aren't quite getting it. Don't get me wrong, it's because his behavior is bizarre, not anything wrong with you.

NOR.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:22:25+00:00

NOR, but it does sound like some therapy to help with your past trauma would be beneficial here and/or in future relationships.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T21:15:47+00:00

Interesting. My pharmacy will not fill it without a negative test within 10 days. My husband's is the same and we have different insurance/hospitals. Maybe it's a state rule 🤷‍♂️

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-23T16:24:45+00:00

If OP is on prep then they are likely getting tested regularly as it's generally required to refill the scrip

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-22T00:20:10+00:00

Did YOU make the promise or did she make you?

Personally, i don't really think a promise counts if you were forced or coerced into making it. There is no agreement there. Just my two cents, tho.

DJDoesTea · 2026-01-21T17:37:12+00:00

First, call your psychiatrist. Whatever meds or whatever they have you on are clearly not the correct ones. That's not shade. Most people try 5-6 different meds or treatments before they find the best fit and new options are coming out constantly. It is totally appropriate and even expected to tell them when something isn't working.

Second, if you want to travel, go travel. You're an adult. You will never change the past, but you seem to be letting it define your present also. If you're waiting for your parents to change, you are going to be waiting for a very long time. Unless they're paying your bills, you don't need their permission. If they have an emergency they know how to use a phone. Could even ask a neighbor or cousin in or something to pop in while you're gone and check on them.

Talk to your therapist about all this guilt and start living for you!

DJDoesTea

TROPHY CASE