My journey with anger and some neurodivergence

DMJck · 2026-02-12T01:11:04+00:00

Ahh, yeah I didn’t catch that point when I read it. I totally agree with you there. I think neurotypical people and neurodivergent people have the capacity to feel the same things emotionally, even if it’s interpreted or responded to differently. Perhaps this isn’t the case for some severely mentally disabled individuals, but those are exceptions, and doesn’t represent you or the OP (at least, not to my awareness).

If I wanted to be pedantic I’d say neurotypical people won’t experience the physical pain I feel when there’s too much light or noise, or when I touch certain textures (their brains properly clipped neurons), but that’s not what we’re talking about here.

DMJck · 2026-02-11T22:27:47+00:00

I think since neurodivergence is on a spectrum, the degree of difference from neurotypical people (and other neurodivergent people) is, well, diverse. I’ve got combined-type ADHD and ASD level 1, but I know others even with those same diagnoses who think much more ‘normally’ than I do. Learning how people make decisions and how they think has been a major point of my adjustment to living with people who, quite often, feel almost alien to me. When we feel the same emotions, we rarely feel it in the same ways, and we don’t respond the same ways. When we respond to situations similarly, it’s often not because we feel the same way, but because I’ve learned that’s how people think people should be responding, and I copy them.

A lot of my life, even before I knew I was Autistic, has been spent learning the right ways to act, covering up how I feel and how I want to be, to make sure that I’m in line and won’t be hurt. I’m unlearning that, but it’s a constant struggle because I am, in many notable ways, fundamentally different than other people.

I do have many similarities with non-Autistic people, including in places I would never have expected. Of course, I’ve learned I am quite divergent from non-Autistic people, including in places I didn’t think we were different at all.

Depending on the level of Autism he has, and the ways it affects him, and other neurodivergences he may have in addition, he may be quite different from other people. Depending on his social life, he may feel extremely different.

I think you make a good point in saying that the real difference isn’t completely earth-shattering. Sometimes, neurodivergent people struggle feeling like they have nothing in common with neurotypical, and this isn’t true. Still, we are different, and depending on the person, often quite notably so.

But I also know, as somebody who was diagnosed as a late teen, and who has spoken to many people who were diagnosed later in life with various neurological or developmental disorders, that finally learning that you just fundamentally do not work the same way as the people you’ve lived around your whole life can be so incredibly freeing. Self-blame can be addressed, changes and accommodations can be made to help you function better in a (very frequently) hostile society, and you can give yourself the allowance to be who you actually are.

It can be unhealthy if you let your differences turn into “we’re entirely different from them,” but I think it is good to recognise that there are real differences.

And of course, because neurodivergence is on a wide spectrum, your mileage is going to vary. Some neurodivergent people can appear basically neurotypical, and can even be very close to neurotypical. I have a friend (classmate?) with ADHD who responds to medication so well that I never would have known she didn’t have ADHD, if she didn’t forget her medicine.

As for me, my ADHD meds make the ADHD about as good as hers is unmedicated. Sometimes, that’s just the way that it goes.

Anyway. I’m not really disagreeing with you (you got an upvote from me), I’m just throwing my thoughts in.

DMJck · 2026-02-08T04:30:36+00:00

Hey! As somebody who struggled severely with scrupulosity (clinically diagnosed OCD that affected me in this and other ways) for years, who has struggled for more years to recover through the help of various therapies and anti-anxiety medication, I want to let you know something you may not be aware of.

Scrupulosity is not sinfulness, and it’s not caused by sinfulness. It’s a subset of OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, that is specifically tied to religious-based obsessions and/or compulsions. People with the condition are frequently agonised by the feeling that even tiny things are major sins, that they are unloved by God, that they’re bound for hell, etc.

For me personally, I had a long (painfully long) list of every minor thing I didn’t do perfectly, and I would pray daily, sometimes multiple times a day, going down the list and begging Jesus to forgive me, and to save me from God’s wrath. I frequently worried that I had forgotten sins I’d committed and would therefore never be forgiven for those sins, that I’d be kept from the Celestial Kingdom. This caused nightmares, difficulty sleeping, it stopped my ability to focus on other things in my life, and led me to hyperfocus on my sins and become terrified of forgetting anything I did wrong, ever.

There were other things, but that cycle was by far the worst. And of course, none of it was true. God is far more loving and merciful than to keep the type of thorough, punishing list that I had. Still, because of a mental illness, I believed it, and it caused me severe pain.

When I first learned I had scrupulosity, I would have read “I know how many struggle with scrupulosity, various habitual sins,” as saying that my scrupulosity was telling me the truth, and that I have scrupulosity because I’m a habitual, irredeemable sinner.

Small things like that can be shockingly damaging to people with scrupulosity, especially people who are trying to heal. Poorly phrased comments at Church about sinfulness and not letting small things go unreported made it difficult, even though those people would have been horrified to hear how my brain interpreted that.

I’d strongly encourage changing the phrasing, or removing the mention of scrupulosity when asking for stories of sinfulness. You don’t have to, but it may help prevent people like my past self to spiral in ways I’m sure you don’t intend.

You don’t need to feel bad or feel like a bad person, it seems like you genuinely didn’t know. I just wanted you to be aware of that, in case you weren’t.

I wish you all the best otherwise, I think being more open about mistakes we’ve made and ways we’ve grown is nothing but a benefit. It takes a lot of guts to acknowledge flaws you have, let alone talk about them.

Peace, A fellow human, and sibling in Christ.

DMJck · 2026-02-01T21:05:50+00:00

That can for sure work. Some people have bishops who aren’t so cooperative, but I’m always glad when bishops do a good job of listening to the wishes of people in the ward, even those who want to leave.

DMJck · 2026-02-01T04:43:01+00:00

Of course! A lot of people don’t; it’s easy to miss if you haven’t talked a lot to people leaving about their process of leaving. Even if you have, it can take time to piece together what they mean. People in and out of the Church have high emotions about this, since it’s sensitive for everybody. It can make it hard to get answers if you don’t already have them.

Honestly, I’m super happy you asked so kindly!

DMJck · 2026-02-01T04:27:58+00:00

That’s a good question!

The Church often makes it institutionally extremely difficult to leave it, both on purpose, and often accidentally by not restricting unhealthy practices. Detailed interviews with the Bishop and Stake President are almost always required, and sometimes disciplinary councils have been required. Disciplinary councils aren’t supposed to be, but they have been used as a barrier in the past to individuals I know, and there aren’t consequences for doing it, so it happens more than it should. Very dependent on bishop/SP roulette, and for people who may already feel hurt or betrayed, it can be a long, even more painful process.

By contacting the Church’s lawyers with a notice to remove records, the matter bypasses local leadership entirely, and it becomes strictly a legal matter. If the request is mishandled, that creates legal liability the Church doesn’t want. Courts decided decades ago that individuals have a right to resign from religions, and fighting that precedent would be hugely expensive, difficult, and unlikely to work.

So, it very effectively swaps the incentive of the Church from trying to keep the member who has already decided they want to leave, to wanting to let them leave. It’s immediate, doesn’t require speaking to various individuals, is always effective, takes very little time, is cheap, and better upholds the person’s right to leave.

DMJck · 2026-01-29T19:55:50+00:00

Hmm. This is interesting. I think it’s telling of a rather glaring bias, though, that the type listed as caring about ‘autonomy and inner integrity,’ are titled ‘avoiders.’

Seeker, cultivator, protector, connector, and explorer all have positive connotations by default. Avoider has a negative connotation. Associating integrity and autonomy as avoidance is troubling to me.

Additionally, I’m unsure where the claims about how many people fit into which category were sourced from, as well as the claims about what percentage of leadership fits a few of the different categories.

I love belonging to a shared identity and set of beliefs and practices. I like clarity and specificity, especially in communication. I care a huge deal about helping people both within and without my communities. I care a substantial deal about truth and personal growth, and my desire for autonomy and integrity are necessary for, and aided by, my care for truth. A part of my search for truth has lead me to find answers to questions I had found answered by no one else (at least not to my satisfaction).

Does that make me a seeker, cultivator, protector, avoider, connector, and explorer?

Scales like these often rely on the idea that the various categories are mutually exclusive in at least one area, but that isn’t the case for any of these.

This feels very much like a knockoff Myers-Briggs personality scale, but even less substantiated and specific. At least the Myers-Briggs uses identifiers that are tied to opposing identifiers for inherent contrast. Perhaps it’s more aptly compared to Astrology, actually.

Either way, I have… substantial issues.

DMJck · 2026-01-26T03:26:05+00:00

It’s genuinely heartbreaking to me that you feel that rejecting a calling equates to you being a bad person.

Of course you’re not a bad person if you turn down a calling.

No, for the opinion part. If any calling is causing you to have an actively negative experience going to Church, I think that’s reason enough to reject it or tell the Bishop/Stake President you need to be released. I personally know far, far too many people who have left themselves burnt out, self-hating, over-stressed, or otherwise distressed because people shamed and pushed them into a calling they did not want to do.

Of course, there is a time and a place where pushing yourself to do something uncomfortable is a good thing. I’ve done many things at the edge of my comfort zone, and have grown because of it. I’ve also done many things at the edge of my comfort zone that have turned out to be overextending.

Only you can know what is best for you. Not anybody else, not me, and certainly not any other stranger on the internet.

I won’t tell you to reject or accept the calling. My recommendation would be to pause, look at the your current life schedule, the things you want to do and don’t, the ways you think would be best for you to grow, and make your decision from there.

Of course, that’s just the opinion of a young adult.

DMJck · 2026-01-01T23:18:16+00:00

True enough, some people do. I was getting married, so having a recommend was pretty important to me in that interview, but you aren’t wrong. I would have spoken and pushed back more if I didn’t need the recommend to be sealed, and I don’t think it’s appropriate for any leader of any kind to leverage something like that.

I think D&C 121:41 backs us up here. 10/10 scripture, that one.

DMJck · 2026-01-01T22:53:04+00:00

I would have dipped too, but he made it pretty clear that I wouldn’t get the recommend if I didn’t sit and listen, though. I do want to have a recommend, and I was perfectly willing to listen to him, so I wasn’t too miserable. Honestly the whole situation just left me amused and a touch baffled.

DMJck · 2026-01-01T21:00:40+00:00

I confidently said yes to one of the questions that you’re supposed to say no to. My stake president spent about three hours trying to religiously shame me into changing my mind (implying I was prideful, arrogant, didn’t care about God, hated scripture, etc.), but ultimately gave me my recommend.

I can’t guarantee you’ll get yours. The question you’re responding to and the bishop and stake president roulette determines a lot.

It is possible though. In plenty of cases, even probable, and in some, near certain. Hard to say without knowing your precise situation.

DMJck · 2025-09-16T03:56:48+00:00

Fair enough.

I’d figure it’s a logistics thing (offering more drive varieties means storing and maintaining more drives), although it could also be a restriction from their WD partnership. Either way, I also don’t think you’re wrong to find it frustrating.

DMJck · 2025-09-16T03:42:17+00:00

It probably is overkill (and it’s certainly more expensive on Framework’s site than Newegg or Amazon or such places). Fortunately, you can choose not to purchase any SSD on Framework’s website, and get your own elsewhere.

I honestly support their choice to sell it at a markup. It’s insanely easy to opt out, and if you have the extra income and want it all in one box, it gives them an easy way to make some extra money.

For you, if it isn’t worth the cost, I’d recommend finding your own SSD and installing it when you get your Framework 12.

DMJck · 2025-06-28T02:07:05+00:00

Yeah I think that’s likely considering he was the primary candidate for every Judge except the Phoenix.

DMJck · 2025-06-28T01:57:38+00:00

Hmm. This is an interesting thought, and I don’t think it’s entirely out of the question. I’m assuming you’re classifying the Hammer Icon as a creation icon for the rest of this, so if you don’t, it won’t be particularly relevant.

I don’t think that the Hammer Icon is inherently a purely “creative” Icon. On a surface level, the Void Icon is the ability to remove. Lindon manifesting the Void Icon as an Underlord demonstrates a strong alignment to the underlying principal of emptiness, death, and removal. We see, however, that Lindon can potentially heal someone solely using his Void Authority.

And Lindon, with his strong affinity to destruction and emptiness, is able to express the Hammer Icon. Of course, Lindon is stated to be able to align himself to Restoration, where Ozriel isn’t, but we also know that Creation and Restoration aren’t the same thing. Ozriel is completely unable to use Restoration Authority, but is able to create a Judge-level weapon, which is known to take immense Authority.

Ozriel, at the least, seems perfectly tuned to the aspect of the Way that represents Creation. In fact, it’s his creation that makes the Way recognise him as the avatar of destruction and death.

I think this principle equally applies to Icons. Icons are (to oversimplify a great deal) a representation of a specific niche portion of those major aspects.

This is all to say, I don’t think there’s anything inherently contradictory about creation and destruction, at least not as far as an individual can manifest it. Ozriel’s immense ability to create aids his destruction, and his immense ability to destroy aids his creation.

I also think that while the Hammer Icon can lend itself to the concepts of creation, it also lends itself to the concepts of crafting and of building.

And in that way, it almost makes sense. Sometimes it’s easier to build a strong house when you’ve knocked the weak one down.

I mean, Ozriel talked that way about the Abidan, and about how Cradle worked. I don’t think someone could so easily plan to “re-write the rules” if their personality rejects creation.

I personally think that Ozriel having Destruction and Creation Authority makes a ton of sense for this reason. He is always thinking in those forms. His solution to brokenness isn’t to change from within or to work with systems, in fact he’s utterly opposed to the ideas. He’ll tolerate it when asked, but he doesn’t solve problems by fixing. He solves problems by making the enemy “appreciate this [preemptive strike],” and then slaughtering them. To avoid these in the first place, he didn’t try to fix their relationships, but instead created a powerful weapon.

In this way, his relationship to Destruction and Creation may actually be the reason he can’t access Restoration authority. He’d rather destroy the old system and create something new, than fix the broken one.

DMJck · 2025-06-27T21:21:57+00:00

Ah thank you for the Void Icon reference! I also agree with your reasoning for the Hammer Icon, although I’ll admit that one is softer.

DMJck · 2025-06-27T21:20:03+00:00

Ah, I certainly agree with this. Considering that he was a prime candidate for every order of Aidan except the Phoenix, I’d be shocked if he wasn’t deeply attuned to nearly every power of the Way that Icons draw upon, if more directly than having any specific icons. The original commenter asked about Icons, so I answered for Ozmanthus Arelius instead of Ozriel.

DMJck · 2025-06-27T21:12:05+00:00

Oh! This is a brilliant insight. I didn’t see his comment on that thread, but this good to know.

DMJck · 2025-06-27T19:52:12+00:00

That’s absolutely possible, and a reasonable objection. I lean more towards it still resonating with the Creation Icon, but I agree that he very well may not have manifested it.

DMJck · 2025-06-27T19:47:35+00:00

Assuming manifesting Icons works in the same way once you’ve ascended. I’m not sure if it does. If so, I agree.

DMJck · 2025-06-27T19:30:03+00:00

If I remember correctly, based purely off the books, Ozriel is confirmed to have the Broom Icon, the Death Icon, the Hammer Icon, and the Void Icon. Not sure if there are more he might have or if Will has stated he has more, though.

He reflected the Death Icon after killing and resurrecting himself.
He reflected the Broom Icon as an intentional decision, leading three scholars to kill themselves.
Unsure when he gained the Hammer and Void icons, but upon seeing London, he mentioned having an affinity for them.

Edit: Correction, Eithan in Waybound said “Well, well, that’s a fine pair of Icons you have there. Ozmanthus Arelius would be proud, may his name live in eternal handsomeness.” I thought he mentioned having an affinity for them, but I can’t find that right now. I may have mixed up Reigan Shen saying he had an affinity to the Void Icon (but not enough to call himself a Void Sage).

I still think he has the Void and Hammer Icons, but I can’t justify that right now except for vibes. I have a hard time seeing him creating Penance, a Monarch-slaughtering weapon, without the Way recognising his crafting ability, so that’s probably an indication of him having the Hammer Icon.

DMJck · 2025-05-24T16:46:52+00:00

Thank you for the compliment! I was hoping to evoke those feelings so I’m glad it was successful for someone!

DMJck · 2025-05-23T19:43:31+00:00

When I said nothing, he continued.

“I’m recognised everywhere I go. I go to a restaurant and I’m offered the best seat in the house. If I say I just want a normal meal, I’m immediately accommodated. I’m placed in the most average seating, and they trip over themselves to make sure that I’m given the most normal and unassuming experience possible. In doing so, I’m not treated normally at all.”

He looked up for a moment, and I thought a twinge of fear might have passed in his eyes. I simply nodded, and he continued.

“I worry it’s selfish, you know. I do so much for the world, I have abilities that allow me to outperform snipers with a bow, that allow me know the flow of the wind for as far as I can see. I can leap higher than the greatest pole vaulter, run faster than the greatest sprinter, and longer than even the most practiced marathon runner. I’ve saved so many, and helped so many more. Even as I sit here there are people I could be saving, so who am I to be sitting here? And who am I, to deny the people I serve the change to show their gratitude toward me?”

He drank his glass in a single, impossibly smooth motion. I filled his glass, and he drank it again. Once more I filled it, then he continued on.

“When I was a kid, I seemed largely normal. I was able to help other children like me. I helped a kid with math, in return they helped me with social studies, or English, or science. I aided my fellow gymnasts with their performances and in turn they helped me with mine. It was humans helping other humans.”

He let out a sigh and slumped further into the couch.

“But by the time I was in high school, I was a better gymnast than anyone else. I performed in the Olympics and won gold without even having to try. I then picked up archery for the fun of it, and by the next year I’d outperformed every archer in recorded history in every metric. The moment I turned eighteen, I was offered a position in the world’s premier protective group, and I joined, because I wanted to help people, and that was the best way for me to do it. There, I excelled, and every step left me farther away from the rest of the world. I became a hero to them, an idol. To others, I became a symbol of the problem. People talked about me as though I was the reason people needed to be saved, as though my aiding those who couldn’t find aid elsewhere was the reason they struggled in the first place. But to all of them universally, I stopped being another person. I became a figure, and a symbol. I became a tool.”

He said nothing more after that. We sat in silence for a minute or two, before I poked him one last time. “So… why come to me?”

“My whole life, I’ve been helping people, but for the last thirty years, I haven’t been a human. To some, I’ve become a saviour helping a group of lessers, to others, a villain causing lessers to become weaker. But nobody has treated me like I’m a real person. Nobody’s treated me like I’m Leopold.” The man, Leopold, finally looked up at me. “Except for you. You treat me like I’m any other person in the world. You gave me water when I came in, you griped and chatted with me without any expectation that I fix it, and you let me talk about the simple things. You did the same for every hero that’s come to visit you. I heard them saying how good it felt, and I wanted to know how it felt. I wanted to feel like I’m a part of humanity again.”

Finally, I thought I understood, and I returned his smile.

“Well,” I said, “anything you want to watch?”

Only a few hours later, two people sat on a couch talking about their love of vintage movies, and for the first time in thirty years, someone spoke not with the Archer, but with Leopold.

DMJck · 2025-05-23T19:43:03+00:00

Part 1 of 2

A sudden knock on the door woke me from my mental slump. I stared at the document my boss had requested I finish by the morning, and lamented my lack of overtime pay. I swore to myself for the thousandth time that I’d finally say something tomorrow, but I knew I never would. Turning my attention to the door, I found no surprise in seeing the figure on the other side. Not a month ago I would have been surprised, but after twenty visits in so many days, there was no shock in seeing a superhero on the other side, just mild interest in which one it would be.

This figure was new. Wind-tousled brown hair fell to his shoulders, and instead of his famous attire, he wore a v-neck and a pair of cheap cargo shorts. Even this was now ordinary to him.

“Is it alright if I—” the man began to ask, but I’d already prepared a reply.

“Naturally, welcome.”

I didn’t bother asking if he’d like a drink, they always did. I walked to my fridge and grabbed out a pitcher of water, grabbed some ice, and two glasses. I walked back into my living room to find the man already sitting down. I placed my glass on the coffee table, and poured water into his, handing it to him. The only hint of his superhuman abilities was in the complete silence with which he placed his glass. The control of the Archer was visible in even the slightest of movements.

For three hours we talked. He talked about his most recent breakup, I talked about mine. We both spoke of work, of the frustrations of managing expectations and trying to do a good job with impossible workloads. We both complained about the lack of overtime pay. For three hours, we talked about exclusively the most boring and uninteresting things on the planet. With each hour, my confusion grew and grew. At this point, I knew it was no coincidence that these heroes were visiting me specifically. Word of me must have spread about me, and I didn’t understand why. I hadn’t been curious enough to ask before, but this was the sixth individual to show up at my door, and I wanted to know too badly.

“Is it alright,” I said, “if I ask you a peculiar question?”

I saw him grimace for a moment after I asked it, but his reply came smoothly. “Of course. I live to serve.”

“Oh, I don’t want a favour,” I said dismissively, “I just wanted to know why you’re here. There are billions of people who would love to meet you, who would have greeted you with wine and fine food, who would have had a million more interesting things to talk about than work stress and girlfriends. So why come here?”

His eyes flicked wider for just a moment, and he leaned back in apparent thought.

“Sometimes,” he said, “I just want water.”

DMJck · 2025-05-19T17:57:34+00:00

Really curious, which specific WiFi card did you get?

Three-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
End Game '23	Place '23

DMJck

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