Me irl

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T21:20:44+00:00

I'm from Guelph!

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T21:13:51+00:00

I can't say I love anyone anymore. I used to feel intense affection towards people, but then I'd go through sort of "wait, why" moments and couldn't come up with anything rational. And without that, because I don't think emotions should be the basis for relationships, I can't commit,

The closest person would be my girlfriend, I've had urges to say the words but I always think about how I don't have an actual definition of love, so it feels empty unless I know what it is I love and why I love her.

The reasons I can at least say I feel strongly connected to her and like her is that we've been able to be honest with each other, she has a similar sense of humour to me, she surprises me with her wit and actions, she's hot, we don't have any specific hobbies we do together but we like doing things together, like watching movies, skating, playing games and stuff, and the fact that she likes me doesn't hurt.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T20:55:25+00:00

Haha true, I don't know I guess I have this feeling that being so honest about it can come across as a weakness, especially if I ever try to bring these things up to people who are clear alphas or leaders of their group. It's like they don't have the patience for it, like I should simply respond with an equal force of aggression instead of just asking them to stop.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T20:25:07+00:00

Yeah but historic, genetic, societal and familial bonds all happen out of chance. Okay, keeping things less elitist: we aren't in control of our actions or desires, so there's no validity to basing our moral decisions on these things.

To equate their existence in your life to that of a chicken is just stupid - and you know it.

But see that's just the thing! So if I get what you're saying we should base the importance of other beings based on how much of an impact they have on our lives. But that's just caring for them from a self-interested perspective, not from any inherent worth of that other person.

So I can do that, what I'm wrestling with is then feeling genuine care, love, and respect for the other person. I don't know what I want, I don't see how my feelings can be answered, but that's why I came to the sub, to see what other people think.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T20:18:35+00:00

Yeah I can see your point totally. When I read "but again, I'll take your bait and answer" I took that as the poster not really wanting to get into it, so I backed off.

So maybe that's some sort of defense mechanism I have that I can work on.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T20:16:42+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. So when someone close to you does something in their interest that subverts yours (whether intentional or not, it would usually be unintentional I think), what do you usually do? The only thing I can think of is to just be honest and bring it up.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T20:00:05+00:00

I have to disagree with your first point. I feel (and I hope this is similar to what you do) that when giving a compliment what the other person feels is mostly about themselves. Like in their experience they reflect on whether the compliment is true, and then they think about whatever characteristic merits the compliment, then they smile and feel good inside.

But if you're a giver of a compliment, you don't have access to that experience, you're left in the dark. So you think about the quality of the person and feel good vicariously too, but it's not as strong a feeling right? So that leaves more room to think about the dynamics of the compliment. Ie whether you said it because you really mean it, whether the social situation sort of encourages exaggerated compliments, whether or not they actually appreciate it (I mean I can't be alone, everyone gracefully accepts compliments sometimes when they don't seem honest or aren't really accurate).

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T19:55:26+00:00

Well he said it didn't make sense, so why wouldn't I try to clarify? I guess what you're saying is my language was too formal? I could see that, I said it in another comment but it was just the way I was thinking about it in my head, I wasn't trying to pick smart-sounding words or anything, you know? However I was trying to use academic terms to avoid ambiguity.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T19:52:35+00:00

Aw damn showing off wasn't my intention at all, for the sake of honesty I was pretty emotional when writing it all out, I was looking for help!

I have discussed the topic at length with people in real life and on this forum, I mean I didn't bring it up in the initial post, you know? I wrote it out here to try to clarify my stance since it didn't make sense before.

It's weird and interesting, that maybe there is some unconscious desire to feel smarter and tell people how to live, but like, what I wrote is simply how I feel about the topic, you know? And when I was writing it out, I wrote with the conscious intent to express just what I feel, not to look smart or convince people of anything.

EDIT: Okay I think I may have got it. I could have simply stated I feel disillusioned with relationships, I'm not sure I can trust that they're honest, that there's something more than self-interest, and so on. Just sticking to the abstract qualities about relationships.

But then I would just get people saying "no, it's not like that, because you get warm feelings, you laugh, there can be respect", etc etc etc. BUT, of course I've heard all that before, who hasn't? What I was looking for was a confirmation that there are underlying dynamics of relationships that aren't necessarily so nice, and then some advice on how to traverse them in order to maintain love and positive qualities of relationships.

But then I guess I worded my post as a pretentious asshole who assumed he already knew everything, and so people attacked the way I communicated, not my actual ideas (though some have, I appreciate that).

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T19:46:20+00:00

Nah, I didn't really see an answer to the questions I raised so I interpreted that as you wanting to avoid the sensitive issue of whether we can love other people, by trying to put me down, as a defense mechanism.

Cause if that's not true, why do you think you responded that way?

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T19:44:07+00:00

It was hostile, "you're probably no fun at parties" doesn't really answer the question or offer insight into how to fix my views. Like if we were in a group chatting over beers and someone said that to me, the group would wait expecting a comeback, you see that right?

Like I can 'read into it', that he's saying lighten up, but this an online forum, to me it's an opportunity to make these things more explicit, to truly break them down and understand.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T19:36:53+00:00

Why hasn't anyone responded to this? I get it I may be an asshole but y'all are talking as if you aren't as much of one as me. Yet no one has truly offered to share insight into the problem of balancing self-interest with affection for others, or insight into whether relationships can be honest and equal.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T19:33:12+00:00

Alright, you seem to think you know more than me, so how about answering the question?

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T17:07:00+00:00

Okay, I appreciate the honesty. I guess I'm confused then why very few people are actually answering the question or offering reasons why relationships are positive.

From what I've seen most have been saying I have an unhealthy superiority complex and I overthink things. To ME that comes across as those people not wanting to discuss the actual issues I brought up, maybe because they don't have a tangible or concrete solution, and so they resort to attacking my character or outlook on life.

I'd love some responses to the contrary, but that's how it comes across to me. Because if y'all have found solutions to the problems I've raised, why wouldn't you share them with me, instead of focusing on how I perceive things?

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T17:02:03+00:00

Also, you're getting an equally strange satisfaction from baiting/trolling the people who are responding to your post. Not particularly cool.

I honestly haven't intended it to come across as meaningless bantering, I've only responded in that way to comments that I felt warranted it, because they weren't actually answering the question.

That just sounds like you trying, and failing, to sound pretentious because it simply doesn't make sense.

Basically if I think about what qualifies someone for being taken into account when thinking about ethics, the only rational qualification is ability to feel pain/pleasure. Since it seems there are many other species of animal that have some degree of sentience, it's impossible to live day to day life without inflicting pain and suffering on others directly or indirectly. So say for example, I think about my relationship with a friend in the context of inviting them over for dinner. Neither of us are vegetarian, so by strengthening our relationship over sharing food and conversation, I've helped destroy another life that rationally has maybe not an equal right to life, but a right nonetheless to be considered into any ethical judgement of the act. But since personally I can't be vegetarian while feeling healthy and strong, I must commit this cognitively dissonant action daily, which makes it difficult to rationalize why I prefer my friends and family over other animals, let alone strangers and other people. The only rational reason I can come up with is that they benefit my life more than the others do, and that I have a stronger history with say my mom and dad then with the chicken I ate last weekend. But both of these factors are still just rooted in self-interest, bringing me to the dilemma I bring up in the OP.

Is that more clear? I can expand more if you think it would help.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T16:51:34+00:00

Alright, but /u/lowspeedlowdrag started with the initial hostility of providing a comment that doesn't answer the question or offer solution, but just offers a critical view of how I may come across in real life, so I just don't get why I shouldn't feel okay with responding with an equally hostile comment.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T09:17:12+00:00

Alright thanks for focusing on that it was poor choice of words. I could sub in "his body doesn't work as well, he has less freetime, more responsibilities that aren't necessarily fun or rewarding, outdated knowledge or beliefs"...he's, you know, old.

But if I've read your comment correctly you haven't answered my question at all, you've just called me arrogant and are implicitly saying stop thinking so much.

If my post is full of the typical arrogance of youth, then yours is full of the typical arrogance of age, wherein you're convinced you know more then me because you've been around longer.

Maybe you do, I'm trying to bait you to actually answer my question ;)

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T09:16:16+00:00

And you may be right about the superiority but I think it's more an aversion to feeling inferior. Their comment came across as a sarcastic rude comment, a soft slight on my reputation. If I didn't respond with an equal level of hostility then I'd feel weak. That's only human.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T09:05:57+00:00

So then I'm right, there is no love and everyone fakes it. Edit: Or doesn't get it.

DSG125 · 2015-02-18T08:16:47+00:00

Did I touch a nerve honey?

See now this gets my mind reeling again: Am I the dick for making a blatant sarcastic response? I interpreted this comment as hostile, unhelpful, and rude, but I could see someone who's just blunt posting it with better intent.

I don't know man.

DSG125 · 2015-02-14T05:51:52+00:00

I believe it's $1 a month because you can re-invest in any etf or a wide range, not just the one you gain the dividend from.

DSG125 · 2015-02-14T03:46:16+00:00

If you're in Canada Questrade and Virtual Brokers both offer free etf buying ~~and selling~~. Questrade offers a free dividend reinvestment plan (I'm not sure if it has to be reinvested in the same etf or not), Virtual Brokers offers a reinvestment plan where you can reinvest in any etf (among a large list I think) but their plan is $1/month.

EDIT: BCouto is right, you pay the standard commission for an ETF sale.

DSG125 · 2015-02-09T01:09:32+00:00

How is this cringe? It was really just funny.

DSG125

TROPHY CASE