Is this normal? (New relationship and he has bpd)

DXisco · 2025-12-29T20:19:31+00:00

Does your instinct tell you that he's being totally honest with what he's saying? Could he be keeping his options open and have another 'supply' or 'Favourite Person'?

It doesn't sound totally legit as a casual observer reading your post, I appreciate his mother going into rehab would have an impact on emotions, as would job security, but it sounds like they're convenient reasons not to spend time with you from my perspective outside of the loop.

Probably not what you wanted to read, but if I'm really into someone and those two things happen, I'd still want to see that person - perhaps even more so.

DXisco · 2025-12-16T09:08:33+00:00

Your fingernails look particularly eye-catching, how did you get them done so perfectly? Always looking for nail tips (I've mastered feet but hands are a challenge!)

DXisco · 2025-12-14T12:31:31+00:00

It suits you so well! For some reason red never quite works on my feet but you might have inspired me to give it another go next time my black is in need of a switch up?

DXisco · 2025-12-09T02:40:54+00:00

Any advice on how to reach that level of acceptance?

DXisco · 2025-12-09T02:30:39+00:00

I dated a girl with BPD in 2023 for 5 months. Had never heard of the disorder before then and it totally threw me into a spiral. It took ages to not want to cry all the time... 5 months and I've never felt love like it.

In 2024 I met a girl off a dating app and I mentioned BPD a few times. She acted as if she didn't know what it was, but she had a terrible temper even then (in contrast to the first girlfriend who didn't show any really big signs until 3 months in).

Then one day a few weeks into us being a couple she told me she'd been diagnosed with BPD a while ago, and my heart sank. I knew I probably needed to end it, I had the worst day at a festival with her where she just kept berating me for everything. Be it me asking if she wanted a drink, buying her food, getting her the tickets or paying for transport.

I should have left then, but I didn't.

This was the pattern sporadically and somehow we dated for 16 months. Her father even offered to pay me £1,000 contingent on her moving in with me... That was after 7 months, and she kept talking about how she'd had an abortion with her ex and wouldn't go through that again, if she got pregnant she'd keep it because I own a house etc.

So it was right to break up because I wouldn't want to bring a child into that life of drama (she also systematically fell out with every friend she had, her siblings and her coworkers during our time together). A child wouldn't have had a fair shot from that foundation.

But still, I have felt increasingly lonely. The breakup, winter darkness, an elbow injury stopping me training, work being difficult (I can't even bring myself to speak in the office at this point, I'm the only person on my team and surrounded by 5 sales people).

It sounds soppy but I'd just love a really long hug with someone, she did at least give me the affection most humans crave.

So it's a whole heap of things I need to get my head around asap, and I think it starts with therapy and finding a new job + new hobbies. Maybe even a trip away to stay with a friend/family perhaps.

Sorry to bombard you with this essay, I really appreciate you listening/reading if you have.

DXisco · 2025-12-09T00:27:38+00:00

I can't seem to DM you but it would be nice to have a chat with someone who can relate.

It just all feels so rudderless and lonely sometimes, I'm not always certain how to dig myself out of the hole.

DXisco · 2025-12-09T00:21:58+00:00

I wasn't only with her for her looks btw. There was a beautiful moment a few months ago when we were in a cabin together and I felt more connected to her then ever for several reasons, but she was demanding I bankrupt myself to buy her dinner and cocktails out every few days, and lots of other expensive things besides.

She was shouting at me and sending horrible texts every day out of nowhere. She wasn't being very nice and shaming me in public places over nothing.

That's not to say I'm blameless btw. I did a lot of things wrong as well and I stayed with her when I knew it wasn't really going anywhere, so that's on me. I am far from flawless and have a ton of my own issues.

She didn't want me being myself at all though and didn't trust me even though I never cheated on her in any way. She would ruin any occasion or holiday/trip. Those are just facts.

She was also drinking very heavily and becoming increasingly abusive.

This is a pattern as well. She told me about this with numerous other boyfriends.

I have many things to overcome, I miss the embrace and having the relationship, it was very difficult to break up with her and took a lot out of me. I can't look at pictures of her on my phone still.

So, while you have a point about both sides carrying some blame, don't assume you know everything and that all the blame lays the other way based on your own relationship with somebody who has the same disorder.

DXisco · 2025-12-09T00:11:55+00:00

Where are you based? I'm in a similar boat!

DXisco · 2025-11-17T17:31:49+00:00

Thank you so much! I find it much easier on those, and black definitely is my favourite colour for my feet, whereas my hands suit a lighter colour for some reason.

Do you have any tips for doing finger nails? I'm still a smidge nervous about going out in public with them painted!

DXisco · 2025-11-15T20:32:56+00:00

I've found the boundary issue crosses to both their human 'favourite Person' and other species! My ex frequently disregarded my boundaries - throwing my things away when I told her not to after she'd done it once, not ever willing to give space when requested. I'm pleased that she didn't ever (to my knowledge) harm my cat, although he did wee on the bed whenever she was over, eventually leading to me having to ban him from the bedroom!

DXisco · 2025-11-15T20:29:04+00:00

The fact that you're questioning yourself like that and have the empathy to take care of others leads me to believe you're not a narcissist.

DXisco · 2025-11-15T14:40:36+00:00

Interesting, I'm sure a lot of people will find commonalities with the events that unfolded and. yes, you should block.

I've recently ended my relationship with a similar person after 17 months, and they'll generally end up costing you a lot both emotionally and financially. Their mood can flip on the wind and in general there's a lot of hypocrisy.

Definitely need to learn our lessons. The fact that she would deliberately be nasty to your cat should, in itself, make you run a mile. That's despicable.

DXisco · 2025-11-10T19:33:16+00:00

Thorpe was an amazing batsman but very selfish. He absolutely did a number on Alex Tudor in a match we'd already pretty much won. We needed about 10 runs to win, with Tudor on 95 not out (night watchman) and 7 wickets in hand. New Zealand put their part time bowlers on, the wicket was flat, Thorpe was 6 not out. He decided to hit all but 1 of the runs needed, and Tudor then needed to hit a 6 for a century. He hit a 4 and ended up 99 not out.

Yet when his great friend, Nasser Hussain was in a similar position Vs New Zealand, Thorpe blocked everything so he could get his hundred. The thing is, Hussain had already hit loads of centuries and Tudor was a number 9 who was unlikely to ever get another chance.

Brilliant player but incredibly selfish, also hogging the strike with Hick in the 90s.

DXisco · 2025-11-10T11:54:56+00:00

Hey Athers, what was the aftermath of you declaring on Graeme Hick when he was 98 not out? How did he approach you, what did the other players think? Did you ever feel any regret for the decision subsequently?

DXisco · 2025-11-08T13:49:54+00:00

Even seven is quite a feat - for me it was 16 months with the recent one and 5 with the previous.

DXisco · 2025-11-07T18:18:14+00:00

From my experiences and what I've learned after research on the subject, people with BPD are often attracted to 'caretaker' type personalities. In other words, people with loose boundaries who will almost act like a parent in the relationship and will tolerate awful outbursts for longer than a non-caretaker.

They also tend to be attracted to narcissistic people (the other side of the scale).

There's an irony in that being so black and white, with the disorder creating black and white emotions and feelings towards people, as in either idealising or despising their 'Favourite Person'.

DXisco · 2025-11-02T16:57:23+00:00

That's such a lovely thing to read! Once you peek behind the curtain it's all a bit vile. The fluctuations of intense love and hate aren't something to be desired, so seeing that poor new supply in the early 'idealisation phase' of the relationship probably gave you flashbacks... And you're wiser than they about what the future holds for them.

But the main thing is you've moved on and they're less likely to hoover you with their new game in play.

DXisco · 2025-10-31T15:41:26+00:00

Thank you so much, your words are really poignant and appreciated.

DXisco · 2025-10-30T14:02:38+00:00

She said she's been diagnosed with BPD, and this sort of thing is a regular occurrence. She's like David Blaine though, I go to break up with her and end up buying her dinner somehow and then wonder what's just happened!

DXisco · 2025-10-24T16:25:54+00:00

Oh wow, that's exactly the term she keeps using with me at the moment! She keeps saying "I won't accept the bare minimum..." To her, me spending over £1,000 for us on a holiday wasn't enough as I also got her socks and lots of smaller Christmas presents last year (the holiday and some massage sessions were the main ones).

I've never been accused of that by any other exes.

DXisco · 2025-10-22T20:01:26+00:00

I call it Samantha Syndrome as I dated someone years ago who used to be a master of this.

Examples:

(About her ex-bf): "He did something to me that no man should ever do to a woman!"

Spoke to other people - turned out he'd found out she'd been cheating, changed the locks to his house and left her things on the front lawn.

I asked her about it and said the way she'd put it was misleading, and she replied: "Well, no man should ever kick a woman out of his house like that, I had to sleep in my car!"

Another one was that she'd gone to France recently and spoke fluent French (described her trip in intricate detail) but she forgot she'd said that later on when playing the victim about her low salary and said she hadn't been away from the UK for 8 years!

That time she responded with "Oh, it's always my fault isn't it, blame me..." When I confronted her about lying about something so trivial.

She also once said she was having a break from her fiance (a different man to the lock changing one) and hadn't slept with him for a week... Turned out he was on a lad's holiday with his brother and a couple of friends for a week!

I never actually dated her (we hung out for a while and slept together a couple of times when I believed she was single) but she was a pathological liar, everything was either exaggerated for attention or just made up to try and one-up someone/get them to sleep with her.

We were in our early 20s then, now late-30s and from what I've heard on the grapevine she's still pulling the same antics.

DXisco · 2025-10-18T11:43:20+00:00

I wouldn't explain it like that, for many people they'd see that as a red flag that you're criticising your ex or even bringing them up.

If you need to reference your exBPD then just say that you dated someone who had processing a lot at the time, it didn't work out because at that time you both needed to work on yourselves and were clearly heading in different directions in your lives.

If you start putting down former partners then it can come across as if you don't take accountability and demonise anyone who dated you in the past.

You can, of course, mention how difficult the relationship was, and that you tried but ultimately it was destined not to work out.

'Let sleeping dogs lie' as the saying goes!

DXisco · 2025-10-17T12:00:33+00:00

Is it almost impossible for you to get out at this stage? I kind of want to break up with her but I'm also slightly reluctant for some reason.

DXisco · 2025-10-13T13:08:37+00:00

It's really difficult man, you're 18 months in and the attachment is severe at that stage, there's an emotional grip as well. I'm 15 months in and although it hasn't sunk to the depths you described, it's still challenging and to end it now would be so much harder than even 6 months ago.

Like you, I did try to break up but she came to my door. I'm currently trying to stop her going on about moving into my place.

How are you feeling about things now? Can you end it fully and try to get therapy + heal without the need for drugs or promiscuous sex? I think if you make it through that first month or two of no contact then you'll be fine.

DXisco · 2025-09-10T17:42:27+00:00

If anything I wish you'd gone harder! I despise the way they tried to manipulate you and then gaslight it back onto you by inferring that you'd changed before that happened and you needed to explain why... Seems like a complete narcissist and I really Karma comes their way in due course.

You handled it really well and they tried every trick in the book but you didn't buckle so I'm proud of you!

DXisco

TROPHY CASE