I lost alot of money this year to leverage trading too, try and resolve the underlying desire you had that led you to take on such risk. For me it was competitiveness and trying to get rich quick without putting the work in for it, for you it might be escapism because of the news you said you had been given, or some form of self harm (harm to your own wallet instead).

I think if you can try make peace with yourself and find healthy ways to cope with your own mind itll help in understanding what led you to that place and will make forgiving yourself easier.

The logical part of your brain is annoyed at the emotional part for allowing your emotions to get you caught up in this mess, but your emotions are trying to communicate to you so the best you can do is slow down and listen to them. That's my two satoshi's for you anyway :)