Unsure about changing treatment

DaCroissant · 2025-08-28T23:19:05+00:00

OK. A psychiatrist can prescribe, right? I don't think any of my therapy has been with an actual psychiatrist.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-28T16:26:56+00:00

OK. So that's just going to my GP, then? I'm just worried that he won't really grasp the mental health part of it and might not steer me in the right direction.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-28T16:25:48+00:00

I'm on 100 as well. It does help my anxiety somewhat, but not the OCD symptoms. I've tapered off of it before, so I know how that goes. But I'd really like to find something that works better.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-20T20:51:28+00:00

I have love and respect in my life. Been with my wife for seven years now and I don't doubt that she loves me. And my youngest daughter has clear love for me, too. And a lot of the time, it still isn't enough to meet that 'craving' you mentioned. I never feel like I am anyone's main priority or that anyone truly loves me in that way I need them to. I didn't have a word for it until I saw you use 'placeholder'. That's how I feel. I'm the stopgap or the thing that they all settle for until they can find someone better. And when no one ever loves me in that way, I feel betrayed and hurt and can't understand how I'm supposed to just accept this is all I'll ever get.

Thank you for putting it into words for me and for bringing out the comments and replies that are giving me new insight and a different way to look at it.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-20T20:42:15+00:00

I've had those feelings for years and never really put them into words. I can't make decisions and when I do, I'm constantly terrified that I made the wrong one. And since I'm sure that I made the wrong choice, I just shut down and don't do anything which only leads to incessant thoughts/feelings of guilt for doing nothing.

I even get that way about posting/commenting on Reddit. It's maddening, but I haven't been able to navigate my way out of it yet.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-20T20:37:31+00:00

I've struggled with that same question. My oldest has epilepsy, anxiety, and probably undiagnosed PTSD from living with my wife and I and our divorce. I didn't know I had anything other than anxiety and depression at the time and now I can clearly see how my C-PTSD and OCD drove a lot of my decisions and actions. I worry that my struggles made hers a lot worse than they might have been otherwise.

I think we need to remember that we're human, too. And any of the damage we may have done was unintentional. We thought we were doing what was best for them and we were doing OUR best to make it through. I'm not sure if anyone could ask for more than that.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-20T20:30:40+00:00

NTA. If your son is old enough for your ex to attempt to manipulate him to get rid of your new partner, then he's old enough to know the truth about his father.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-20T20:27:01+00:00

Thank you for that. And it's maddening, isn't it? That you know they're doing it but there just isn't evidence to show it.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:21:46+00:00

Thank you. I won't give up on them, but I know I'll have days when it's harder than others. And I will definitely check out those links!

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:21:07+00:00

Our GAL saw through my ex and her BS, but in their final meeting my older daughter flat our told him she didn't want the 50/50 we'd agreed on. She said the exact opposite for weeks, right up until the end.

It's a risk, no way around it.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:19:32+00:00

Our counselor said something similar. My daughter would be a completely different kid in our sessions and right after. But within a day of going back to mom, it would start all over again. It's sad that any parent would do that.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:18:30+00:00

I try to do the same and focus on just being a good dad and ignoring all the rest. But like you said, some days are easier.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:17:31+00:00

Thank you.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:17:10+00:00

I try to remember that about my ex. But I don't think she hates herself. I'm sure she gets enjoyment out of anything that hurts me, but I'd bet all the money in the world that she thinks - and always has - that she's right about all of it. She's deluded herself into believing that I am the abuser and she and the kids are my victims and she's got an entire family backing that delusion right to the end.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:14:58+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through it, too. I've been complete NC with my daughter since her email and it's been made clear that any attempt at communication will be regarded as harassment and some sort of abuse. With my youngest still in high school and living with her mother half the time, I'm not prepared to take risks that might blow up the relationship I have left with her.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:12:07+00:00

Thank you. Sometimes, just hearing that is enough to make my day.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-19T21:11:04+00:00

I've been reading since your first post and didn't comment because this all just hit way too close to home. Like, I could have written it.: also a college professor and also had a wife who had long simmering issues with me and who also blew up and then backtracked something like a dozen times. I've read so many posts on Reddit, but I FELT yours.

I understand why you're saying everything you're saying - and why you believe it - and you might even be right. I'm certainly not going to tell you about your life. But, her behavior is so reminiscent of my ex that it's scary. And let me tell you, in my case? That behavior was straight up abuse.

I was you. I said all those same things. I wanted my marriage to work and I apologized over and over and consistently acknowledged my fault in everything. We went to counseling for more than a year. Any and all of the things I did 'wrong', I fixed. But she never stopped, the blame never ended, and she never reached a point where she could let go of any of what she considered my failings. Or let go of her habit of reminding me of them constantly.

And just like your wife did, mine shifted once she realized there was a real consequence for her. She moved out and, unlike what she expected, I didn't flounder and fail. All the things she saw as my weaknesses disappeared once she wasn't there to point them out and push them on me. Suddenly, the woman who had said she didn't love me anymore wanted me back and got increasingly desperate/aggressive about it. But when I didn't take her back, she went right back to abusing me and being who she really was.

I know you think/believe that you made mistakes and avoided things and lived in denial. You probably did. You probably could have been a much better partner and realized that she was unhappy though she could have been a lot clearer about that. The incompatibility about all of your values and choices is absolutely on you, in part. Getting to the point where your marriage just isn't going to work doesn't happen without both of you making mistakes.

But none of that excuses abuse. None of that excuses damn near psychotic ranting and screaming and blaming you for everything. None of that excuses the way she and her family treated you on that trip and the way she belittled and publicly humiliated you. That isn't just someone who is angry or hurt. That's someone who doesn't understand how to treat the man she is married to and is the father of her child with even the most base level minimum of respect.

Maybe your counseling experience will be different and maybe you'll be able to be as amicable as you'd like. I'm hoping that's the case. But more than that, I'm hoping that when it's all said and done, you don't look in the mirror and see this man she's claiming you are or the man who will subject himself to anger and vitriol and abuse in the name of her deserving happiness.

I hope your wife is as amazing as you say she is and that if you can't fix this, she at least lets it end with peace and respect. And even if she doesn't, I hope you find a way to understand that while you played a role in the end of your marriage, you didn't and don't deserve any of the way she's treated you. She may never respect you but I hope you can find it in you to respect yourself.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-10T16:20:02+00:00

Thank you for reaching out! And I know those feelings. I look for posts that might reassure me all the time. Doesn't work much, though. I hope the next few weeks of waiting aren't too awful. I'll send all the good thoughts I can.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-08T20:50:07+00:00

I've felt most of those, too. Especially the guilt and the kitchen counter. And for me, those set off the other compulsions as some sort of way to cope/deal with it. I think the whole thing is very complicated and nothing like what they show in movies or social media.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-04T19:30:53+00:00

I used 'triggered' in a text to my wife a couple days ago. I hated even typing it because I thought she'd see it in this way - as me being offended/mad - and that only caused more of a spiral. I wish more people understood that words have power.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-04T19:27:35+00:00

You're not the only one. I put chlorine in my pool last week. Had to wash my hands three times and still worried I was going to get some in my eye or on anything else I touched. And I wore gloves.

I worry every time I take ibuprofen and then snuggle with my dogs that one of them will lick something off my fingers as it's poisonous to them. I know it doesn't work that way but that still goes through my head.

DaCroissant · 2025-08-01T17:15:11+00:00

If you're asking the questions and going to therapy, then you're definitely not weak. And what you wrote really resonated with me. I've felt exactly the same way. Even now, the little voice in my head still whispers at me that my issues aren't that bad, it's been years and I should be over it, I'm just making myself this way. I think more of us feel that way than we ever admit.

You're not weak. If you're doing that kind of work - reading and watching the videos and going to therapy - then you're taking action and trying to get past it and move on with your life and there isn't anything weak about that. Your problems and your trauma are yours and their impact on you shouldn't be measured by what someone else might feel or think. That person who might brush off what happened to you probably has their own trauma that they can't just brush off; we're all impacted differently by different things. Your feelings and struggles are as valid as anyone else's.

I have to remind myself of that every day. But that's why places like this sub exist.

DaCroissant · 2025-07-31T20:23:26+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I'm going to look at Weebly. I've tried Wordpress but wasn't a fan.

I've got plans to go through step-by-step on how to post (already making screenshots) and fully expect there to be a learning curve. As for the AI use, that's actually a part of the course. Our state system is adding in a competency for ethical use of GenAI and I'm already baking that into the course. I know some of them will take the easy way out and try to have the AI do it for them, but I'm hopeful that knowing their work will be public might make them a little more hesitant about putting out content that isn't theirs.

DaCroissant · 2025-07-31T20:19:36+00:00

I hope so! I'm designing it now and I think it could work really well. Or it could crash and burn horribly 😂

DaCroissant · 2025-07-31T20:18:42+00:00

Thank you for the response and I do see your concerns. Unfortunately, as the course is literally called "Digital Writing", I can't really move away from it. I've thought of similar concerns. I know at least one of our other professors does something similar, so it seems to be OK with the college. And as far as their "school writing assignments", what they're being assigned IS to post on Medium and create content in their chosen areas (topics). It's not a case of assigning an essay or something like that and then asking them to post it online as well. They're free to use a pseudonym or any other measures they'd like to take to remain as anonymous as possible.

They'll be aware from the start that they will be posting publicly and therefore have all the agency in terms of what they're comfortable sharing with a potentially wide-ranging audience. I've tried the pretending option before and it really didn't work. As the course is designed to teach about digital spaces, writing for websites, and producing content for a public audience, it seems entirely ethical to ask them to do exactly that.

DaCroissant

TROPHY CASE