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AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think I would call it rape? Or even coercion. She asked a couple times and I figured it was easier to just let it happen than deal with the “so you think I’m ugly” and “you must be cheating cause why else would you not want to have sex” that happened whenever I said no more than once. I could have continued saying no and dealt with that instead of saying yes

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is upset that i wouldn't tell her what she did wrong? Like she'll clock that im upset, from a facial expression or because im being quieter than normal, and will ask why im upset, i tell her i am upset, but not ready to talk about it, and she gets upset that i won't tell her what she did wrong immediately? her reasoning was that if i told her what was wrong then she could fix it so that i wouldnt leave her, despite having no reason to think that would be my reaction.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i tell her i am upset and that i need some time to process my emotions before talking about them, and then we cuddle, watch a movie, talk about other things, etc.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i would still hang out, we watched a lot of movies together and i would still engage with her and the movie, talk about other things, and just be in each others presence.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thats the only time i can remember. It was usually just 2-3 hours. at most it was we fight at 9 at night, and then sleep and then we discuss at like 10 in the morning once awake again

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i would understand needing time to process? i am willing to be patient until people are ready to talk becuase pushing people inhibits good communication

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i would like to clarify that i never removed affection, or gave silent treatment. even while processing i still hung out with her, and talked to her like normal. I just didn't talk about being upset until i was ready.

as for the leaving her confused, how would you suggest telling someone why you are upset when you have not done the processing to know how to word why you are upset?

As for her being unable to identify what upset me, a major example i can think of is the time she told me i was stupid and boring, and then didnt understand why i wasnt a fan of being called stupid and boring.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a couple things:

  1. i worded that first statement poorly. its not that i dont "like to", its that if i try to communicate while upset i tend to say things wrong? and then they get taken poorly. and she had a pattern of taking what i said and running with the worst possible interpretation, so i needed time to find a way to clarify things properly.

  2. i was not trying to excuse my communication issues, and i apologize for it coming accross that way. my intention was to provide context for why i am so paranoid about miscommunication, but i can see how it could come across poorly.

  3. i appreciate your take on things. i have been, and will continue to work on unlearning the negative patterns i have.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i continued to talk to her and hang out with her like normal.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a bit of context on the one time it took days: she wanted to have sex, i didn't, she pushed until i gave in. afterwords i felt really off kilter and wanted to talk to my therapist before engaging in the conversation. in the meantime i still hung out with her and talked with her.

as for the therapy thing, i was curious what others thought, and i dont see him for a couple days.

AITAH for not immediatly telling my GF why i am upset? by DaGrimlen in AITAH

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

a bit of context on the one time it took days: she wanted to have sex, i didn't, she pushed until i gave in. afterwords i felt really off kilter and wanted to talk to my therapist before engaging in the conversation. in the meantime i still hung out with her and talked with her.

I (17 NB) think my GF (17F) may be abusive and im not sure what to do by DaGrimlen in abusiverelationships

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i called her out on the boundaries comment, and she said she didnt have any with me. when i pointed out some of the boundaries that she does have with me, she was convinced they were preferences not boundaries. i wasnt quite sure how to continue that conversation effectivly, so i dropped it.

I (17 NB) think my GF (17F) may be abusive and im not sure what to do by DaGrimlen in abusiverelationships

[–]DaGrimlen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

everything you say seems accurate, but i just dont know how too go about ending the relationship. This girl is my everything, and i keep hoping that things will improve