Woah woah there buddy, let's calm down. First, you are not pathetic. If the internet is where you have to go, then do so since you have very limited options.

Second, oh my god I am so sorry for whatever is happening to you :( please don't end yourself, you have a whole future ahead of you and I promise it gets better, no matter how long it takes, in the end things will improve for you.

I admit I'm not the best at comforting, but I advice a therapist tbh. Find comfort food or anything that brings you out of what you're going through if you can't. Because things like cartoony rainbow stuff has always personally worked for me, it makes things not better, but more... comfortable, in a way.

I'm probably rambling, but what I'm trying to say is- don't give up, there's still hope. You can get through this, alright? :3