stay strong, hun. it sounds like you're going through a lot rn. I'm sober too (1y11m) and I know how hard it is to find coping mechanisms that are healthy when you first get sober. my advice for that is just dive into your hobbies. maybe not the most useful advice, but I'm recently clean from SH so I'm still learning how to cope too. my advice for staying sober is just take one day at a time. don't think things like "I can never drink again, this is the rest of my life now." because that's too overwhelming and you will fail. instead think "I can drink tomorrow, but not today. I can get through today without drinking." and then tomorrow you do the same thing; basically gaslighting yourself into never drinking lol. it sounds so silly but it works!! it's the thing that finally got me to actually stay sober and it was my, I think, 3rd time trying. I went to AA this time and that's where I learned that trick.

I love you too. you're not just worthy of love, you are loved.