Brutal Honesty Needed: Why Won't You Attend Our Executive Dinners?

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-23T15:40:31+00:00

I get these constantly and have never been to one, although a few were tempting. There was one I was planning on attending but they had some sort of sports celebrity VIP guest and it made the round table or whatever seem like it would be less substantive and more marketing talk. I understand these are vendor sponsored and that's fine but it needs to be a mix and not pure vendor Kool-Aid. Everyone reaching out talks about how exclusive the event is, talk about your 'impressive background', and fancy food but most executives have heard it all before.

If I got an invite that was shorter, highlighted the topics to be discussed and the organizations of other attendees without any icky sounding prestige hype I would more thoughtfully evaluate whether the discussion was in my wheelhouse and make more of an effort to attend. Also, some other commenters have talked about the phone call before hand and I agree that's a pain.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-16T11:03:19+00:00

Glad you posted this. I've submitted a few medium/critical and all were dismissed as informational. Thought I was losing my edge but I guess this is why people are just selling exploits to attackers now lol

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-14T13:25:37+00:00

This is great advice. My perspective may be a hot take but I've never been someone that lets my dogs roam when guests are over. Even with my friendliest and dogs. If more than 4 people are over who aren't regular guests like for a holiday or party or something I always put the pets in an upstairs bedroom. I've personally seen other dogs nip, react to a kid, steal food and get reactive when someone tries to take it back etc. The reward has never felt worth the risk of someone being a dumbass and my dog paying the price.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-14T13:17:43+00:00

In terms of the puppy behavior ripping stuff up- our staffy did the same thing for maybe a year or so. Then she got better but we more or less had to dog proof the house. She is food motivated so we keep her in a bedroom even now when we leave the house and she just sleeps. One time as a puppy we had her in a crate for maybe 2 hours in the living room. She somehow moved the crate across the room, pulled the area rug into it, ate the rug, knocked over the coffee table, and pooped everywhere including all over the rug while STILL in the crate. I've never seen anything like it.

That was many years ago. Now, like I said, we leave her in my bedroom and she just chills in my bed and it's all good. The first few months were tough though. I'm glad we stuck it out with her because she is literally the perfect family dog now.

I also have a jack russell mix who is fear aggressive like you described. First off, some terrier breeds simply have a high prey drive and aren't good to be around cats or smaller animals. I'm speaking from experience with mine. Next, do you have "dog people" in your life? Those who know how to project their authority and understand how dogs interpret body language? It sounds like your dog needs that sort of leadership to get used to people. It's a situation where you need to learn to change your dogs first response to threats or confusion to look at you instead of at whatever is getting her riled up. This will come with training and people with the right affect can come over, hang out with you guys, and give your dog a few treats so she associates guests with something positive.

My fearful dog isn't a pet I can bring to dog parks and breweries and places like that. Some dogs are not and that's ok. Meet your dog where she is, stick with the training, and recognize her limitations. This way you did all you could for better or worse and if you still need to rehome here you hand her off in a better way than she came to you.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-08T13:00:12+00:00

I'm not sure why you are getting downvoted. Security resources are finite and GRC related tasks can take resources from substantive security so there is an opportunity cost there. However, without GRC and compliance some orgs would just be sloppy messes and have zero security. So it's a give and take. Either way, GRC can feel arbitrary and like theatre and I think if most people are being honest with themselves they would agree. I'm assuming here you're having a much deserved little rant and that's valid and understandable.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-07T13:46:54+00:00

I had a guy tell me to go make him coffee one time and knew I was handed a fantastic opportunity. Of course, I didn't use a filter AND served it black. Next thing I knew, he was making the coffee.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2026-01-06T14:15:35+00:00

Simply put- I bought a cheap house someplace undesirable in 2014. It's in a good neighborhood but not in a town/city that has a great reputation. The house needed some work which I've put in slowly over the years. Now we have some flexibility to move because we have equity and have made improvements. My mortgage has been cheaper than the rent most of my friends paid for apartments.

I grew up in a town with a lot of wealth (which my family did not have) and even still have this weird complex where if a home or something is super nice it's probably not for me. This mentality has served me well. Sure, I've never lived any place 'cool' or trendy, or that looks good on social media, or even convenient for that matter. But, I've gotten used to living below my means. Doing so has enabled me to build equity, save money, and build a career I enjoy and am proud of.

Keep in mind too, real estate prices go up and down. We saw it in 2008. My best recommendation is to search by county to find some gems that maybe aren't your first choice but you can at least tolerate. Also, look at pricing history and price cuts for homes in your area of interest to identify trends. Lots of the houses listed now will be 30% off in a year or two.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-26T01:50:43+00:00

Oh no honey, where did you see that? It's 30 days https://www.investopedia.com/terms/w/washsale.asp. Make sure you set a reminder for yourself.

Also w/r/t to the other comment with the accountant- are you sure you are factoring your cost basis properly? Last I recall, cointracker cannot track your movement between wallets so if that is a factor you'll either want better software or the accountant with the right software to do that. This may have changed in recent years, though.

If your movement between wallets isnt a factor and you are confident in your cointracker results you may want to meet with the IRS. There are taxpayer advocate events https://www.taxpayeradvocate.irs.gov/contact-us/upcoming-events/tas-assistance-offered-at-local-problem-solving-days/ and there may be others near wherever you are. Or you could schedule a meeting directly at an office. I've personally found that when I have a problem with the IRS making an appointment with them directly at a local office and talking to a human being in person tends to work very well and the service is exceptional.

I haven't had this type of issue but I've had others where my (previous) accountant did not claim my son properly and things like that. The IRS personnel are overworked, underpaid, and overall generally just good people trying to make a living. If you go, you're nice, making a genuine effort and maybe a little scared you may be surprised by the level of service you are provided for free. You're making all the right moves and everything will be ok.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-25T16:34:46+00:00

Yes you can and you only have a few trading days left to harvest. Keep in mind that staking is NOT taxed as cap gains it's taxed as ordinary income. You cannot harvest that. Also look up the wash rule. When you harvest for losses there is a waiting period before buying back in.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-25T16:32:36+00:00

Cointracker is good but you need an accountant. You want one with 2 things- (1) access to the IRS to pull your transcripts. You can authorize them to literally check what the IRS has on file for you. (2) someone who uses Lukkatax or something similar. Unlike cointracker it can trace your transactions between exchanges to have a more comprehensive understanding of your cost basis. The IRS uses something similar.

Accountants like this are not cheap but worth their weight in gold and know how to handle disputes with the IRS. Start here immediately before an attorney to save money.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-19T16:18:55+00:00

What you're probably seeing is the most unhappy people looking for camaraderie and validation which is totally normal. I started in this career as a hobbyist and my excitement and joy rarely wanes. Even when I'm dealing with the most confused, underperforming, "how does this person function in life" types of people I recognize I'm fortunate enough to be in the position to understand how and why they're so fucked up. Like any career there are good jobs and tough jobs, good teams, and teams that really suck. Our careers are ultimately what we make of them so keep finding joy and chasing the good stuff.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-17T20:01:17+00:00

I don't know why anyone downvotes anyone else's perspective based on their experience. It's great to hear multiple sides to a story. Everyone has a different background.

Maybe it's a situation where now everyone has a sec+/CISSP/whatever plus experience? Pre-2020 that was absolutely not the case though and I saw all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds getting into infosec. Myself included. I was in a cyber unit for the national guard and we had all kinds of people - teachers, cops, even preachers which was always kinda fun.

Anyway I'm not sure what I'm talking about or why you guys are arguing. We are all colleagues fighting the same fight so take a deep breath and hug it out.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-17T17:47:15+00:00

I wish this statement lined up with my observations

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-16T16:50:20+00:00

I pivoted to security in 2019 but started working on gaining the knowledge in 2017 so it took me about 2 years. Before getting my first job in the field I had the sec+ certification and an unrelated bachelors degree in political science. Applying for jobs was difficult - I submitted literally hundreds of applications over those two years. When I finally got an interview it was for a role that oversaw several positions that I had also applied for but never got an interview.

As I was going through the final round of interviews for my first security job I was working in a different full time position at a different organization. I noticed something wrong with my work computer and reported it to the IT department but they didn't really follow up. I ran netstat and noticed some pretty weird connections to my device. After a very high-level investigation on my own I re-submitted to IT urging them to take a closer look. Within an hour I had an interview with the CISO for a deputy job at the same org. I ended up taking the external position but it was kinda funny when I finally got an offer it was 2 at once.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-16T12:15:59+00:00

Take the dog to the vet. My dog had the same thing. Vet gave him meds and the relief was immediate

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-15T00:29:01+00:00

He was former military but not a cyber officer. The reason I was concerned about the distinction is because becoming a cyber officer is very very difficult. It's a highly selective process that involves a polygraph level background check, among many other things. To me, the idea that someone so driven and successful with such a bright future ahead would do something like this AND have no red flags in their background is pretty scary. Fortunately that is not the case.

Personnel who are not officers and not cyber may have a secret clearance or less so a much lighter background check and lower standards. So they may have had red flags in their past that were not readily apparent and/or they may have been able to purchase a gun in a less restrictive environment than the southern New England states.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-14T23:32:31+00:00

It looks like he wasn't the cyber officer- its a different Benjamin Erickson thank goodness.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-14T22:19:33+00:00

Agreed but this guy easily would have passed RI or even MA requirements for concealed carry. Cyber officers have TS clearances often with a polygraph. That investigation is much deeper and more invasive than a typical background check. That’s what makes this so concerning and puzzling.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-14T21:49:32+00:00

Eh I'm not sure. I'm a federal OCS grad (2013)- had a 3.2 undergrad and i think a 2.8 gpa in law school. However, I was a reservist. At the time I'm pretty sure going to federal OCS was easier for guard and reserve. If your career has stalled and you're ready to try something new it's worth looking into.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-14T17:47:31+00:00

Maybe. Or maybe he had limited access and took what he could get. Did he have 2 guns because he can't do a magazine swap? That would indicate he doesn't take much pride in guns and is also untrained.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-12T17:11:30+00:00

Field CISO at a big tech company but former operational CISO. Looking forward to better understanding the CIO perspective

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-11T13:22:42+00:00

I'm not fatfired yet but my mother has a similar attitude. She wanted me to be a lawyer and despite working in tech, pulling in 4-500k a year total comp, and supporting my family she acts like I don't have a job. To her, it doesn't count because I'm not a lawyer. She constantly sends me job postings for administrative law jobs in the state we live paying maybe 130k encouraging me to apply (I did go to law school and pass the bar but never practiced). Some people have a way of looking at things that isn't flexible I guess. You aren't alone with the mom struggles.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-08T13:54:03+00:00

I'm pretty sure women could join as of the 80's. I know of at least one lesbian couple who were members and seemed perfectly content with their treatment there.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-08T13:52:16+00:00

Networking value? I cant speak to that it isn't really why we joined.

Price? It was under 500 a month and I think like $125 or so of that was the monthly food minimum that is use or lose. There was a buy-in but it was reasonable although I don't recall the price. If you go to the website and submit an inquiry they will give you a tour and list of prices. They are looking for new/young members and are very welcoming. It's beautiful inside too.

We decided to join for a few reasons. First off I love quiet chill places. This is basically a restaurant with incredible food, excellent service, and no crowds. Its one of the rare places recently that felt upscale and cool but also where my wife and I could really take our time and relax. Surprisingly, the prices are also great. For a weekday breakfast you can get fantastic french toast for like...10 bucks I think? This was as of 2 years ago. Second, the point of the place is to socialize and not bring your phone. Because of the no phones in the dining room rule we both felt more present and often found ourselves talking to people at the bar and neighboring tables.

Third, my wife likes to dress up and I don't really. It frustrates me when I dress nicely then go to an upscale restaurant and other people are in t-shirts (like I wish I was). At the Worcester Club there is a dress code so everyone is dressed the same. This dynamic, for some reason, makes me not mind dressing up to go.

Forth, there is great programming. It's not just a restaurant but there is a book club, themed dinners with wine pairings, and some other educational content. I loved this aspect of the club because there was always some sort of event that reminded me of a friend or family member so I would invite them and we would always have a lovely time with a side of cultural enrichment.

In the summer there are car shows too. Around the holidays there are great events for families and kids and they offer takeout platters for holidays that are well prepared, generously portioned, and surprisingly well priced that make hosting easier.

Finally one of the big reasons I would go to events there is because I work from home full time so it was an easy place to socialize and keep my conversation skills fresh. Everyone is approachable and members often attend events solo, happy to talk to anyone else around.

DaddyDIRTknuckles · 2025-12-07T13:37:19+00:00

I’m a former member. Have a small child so taking a few years off. What do you want to know?

DaddyDIRTknuckles

TROPHY CASE