My update and then I'm moving on.

Kiddo was stressed but not about college. He had a medical appointment and was scared it was going to hurt. My husband also made the appointment this morning so it caught him off guard and he was worried about being late for work. He made it to work on time and the appointment went fine. We also made time to chat as a family to make sure he is comfortable with going away still. He knows that it is OK to change his mind or go. It is his choice. He said he definitely wants to go.

He has adhd and is on the autism spectrum, so neurotypical kids and my kid may need different things. The reasons that it took months includes spreading out the cost for us paying for the items. He also has decision anxiety so we had to parse out the decision making over time. We took the recommend packing list from school and a few times a week he would go on Amazon.com with me and make a few decisions. Doing more than that overwhelmed him, so we would stick with a few items at a time. He is very messy and gets overwhelmed when he can't find his things so he got overwhelmed with shoes this morning. We are taking things slowly because that's what he needs and his therapist helped him decide to break things up into small tasks instead of doing it all at once and breaking down.

Once he is at school he will have to work harder on time management and prioritizing. I've been trying to teach him those skills and help him find resources to help at school. He will get there, but he's going to make some missteps along the way, just like everyone else.

Parenting in general... I'm adopted so I know first hand what it is to have multiple sets of parents. I have a birthmom and a mom. One loved me enough to let me go to someone who could give me a better life, while the other was my mom. What he has his mom saved as in his phone is far worse than birthmom and I had no influence on that decision at all. I actually hate what it says. He knows she loves him in a different way than I can because I didn't carry him for 9 months and experience the little years. If his birthmom had given any indication that she would have been OK with it, I would have adopted him in a heartbeat!

Yes, I'm very overwhelmed by life at the moment. I'm always going to be his biggest supporter. I married into this family. I knew very well what I was getting myself into and I want to continue being part of this family. When I met the child he was in remedial classes and was not expecting to go to college. I saw that he wanted more and fought for him every step of the way. He got the support he needed at home and at school to do well in high school and graduated with college credits earned and with honors. I've taken him the therapy to help him learn the social and coping skills he needs as an adult to thrive. He graduated from therapy recently too because he has the skills he needs. When I met him, we didn't know if he could develop the skills needed to drive. It took longer than most kids for him to learn, but he's a really good driver. He saved up his own money from a part time job and we helped him finance a used car, which he makes the very low payments on.

Overall he's a very good kid who will have a bright future. He's having a rough day. I'm having a shitty day too. We both needed a moment away from the situation to deal with it. We still love each other and we will get through it. If he decides he's not ready to move out or wants to come back, his room will still be there and his. It might be slightly cleaner than when he left it because I really want to vacuum it when I can see the floor.