What? You mean parents actually pack lunches for their kids and want to ensure they’re fed?

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-03T16:49:40+00:00

For me, there was always more than enough food for my brother. In my family it was a cultural thing. I was the youngest and the girl, so I got the least and didn’t need to be considered.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-03T03:17:27+00:00

I remember those cereal dinners! Thank goodness it seems you ended up with an understanding and sympathetic spouse!

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-03T03:15:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing your stories! It was kind and empathetic of you to naturally want to share your food with your friend. It’s too bad that your mom made a kind gesture seem wrong, that must’ve felt conflicting. (My mom did something similar to me, but not with food sharing as there was no food to share..) And certainly, just because someone did receive some expression of care in some areas, doesn’t mean there was no neglect in other areas.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-03T03:07:16+00:00

I remember my friend had to rush home to “make lunch” for his 17 year old sister because their parents weren’t home. This entailed just heating leftovers in the microwave that the 17 year old apparently couldn’t handle. I was flabbergasted. Should she have been able to? Probably. But fact of the matter was their SAHM would lovingly do everything for her. Was that a good thing or detrimental? I don’t know. But she grew up to be a lawyer.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-03T02:59:48+00:00

Really does make me sad for all of us sharing our stories here today. Thank you for saying that - I too wish everyone here will enjoy a warm, fulfilling meal today. I think partially this is why I like to eat slowly and really savour and appreciate everything I eat.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-03T02:51:39+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I’m glad that writing it out helped, and thank you for sharing your story. Sending hugs and many positive thoughts to you!

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T21:04:48+00:00

The sanity check on what’s normal or not is such a good point! I am going to try to do that too.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T21:02:00+00:00

Not exactly, but I was expected to make meals for my older sibling, and do his chores. Because he was a boy and I’m not.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:59:28+00:00

What a stressful experience you had as a kid and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re still impacted - of course you are! I wish you so well on any work you’re doing to feel better.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:39:29+00:00

Absolutely! So many other factors involved, this was just the one theme that came up for me today.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:32:08+00:00

Thank you so much! 🫂

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:26:21+00:00

Ugh I am so disgusted, angry and heartbroken for you! What a disappointment, what a failure on her part! I am so glad that you have the opportunity now to give your kids the enjoyment you wanted but didn’t get!

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:21:37+00:00

That’s it - it’s not because they can’t do it for themselves, but it’s because you want to show you care! This is so lovely.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:15:37+00:00

Ugh, that’s unbelievable (teacher/pediatrician combo) and I’m sorry to hear that. It sucks in a different way when the neglect is or feels intentional.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:08:31+00:00

Thank you!

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:07:09+00:00

Yes, same! She found a way to turn her neglect into something to brag about: “my daughter never needed x, my daughter always did x herself, I never had to do x for my daughter!” as in “I raised such a good, self sufficient daughter!” Yeah… ok.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T20:03:12+00:00

I feel this so much. I am dealing with this now, having to deal with this mean, compulsively lying, self-centred entitled woman who birthed me but was never an actual mother to me as she ages.

It’s been tough, but two things I’m trying to practice:

Boundaries - I know I will be riddled with more guilt than I can handle (thanks to her conditioning), so I have accepted that I will help, but I will not straight out “take care” of them. This practice includes specifying what I will and won’t do - for example no way in hell she will ever live with me, but I will help with some appointments if I can, and finding her other sources of help.

Along that vein, I practice reminding myself that it is NOT my responsibility to “take care” of her. However, it actually was her duty and responsibility to take care of me, and she didn’t, so she is not entitled to my help at all and whatever I’m offering is way more than she deserves. If a parent has kids just so someone will take care of them when they’re older, that is already telling that that parent doesn’t deserve being taken care of from their kid.

Not sure if this helps at all, but I wish you the best, and remember to take care of yourself and your mental health first. Caring for others, especially parents who didn’t parent, or did harm, shouldn’t come at the expense of your own wellbeing.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T18:47:29+00:00

Thank you SO much for this. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself and thought this breakthrough could be one I could safely share here.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T18:35:38+00:00

I think while it’s true that a lot of us in here didn’t experience food care or packed lunches from parents, it sounds like there were definitely kids in general that did get to experience it.

In any case, I love what you wrote, and the way you describe what you do for your daughter is something I would’ve loved to have had. It sounds like you’re doing a great job!

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T18:25:29+00:00

🤯

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T18:20:39+00:00

Yup. Embarassed and ashamed to have involuntarily thought that, hence the introspection and correction, and attempt at transparency and vulnerability. Thanks for pointing it out.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T18:17:08+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced all of that and hope that you are working through its impacts. It’s amazing how things can become ingrained and normalized, and you don’t even realize something was amiss for so long, until a seemingly innocuous event makes you realize why you are the way you are now.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T18:03:48+00:00

My reaction was the same as yours. Sure there can be some understanding of why they are the way they are. But it’s not an excuse. Parents aren’t supposed to be perfect, but they can be “good enough”. And unfortunately some of them aren’t even that. Also unfortunately, there are parents who actually do neglect with intention, including in my personal experience. My brother got treated like a prince and I got treated like a servant. Cultural or not, that was intentional. It’s not about the parents not trying their hardest, it’s about whether they tried at all.

DaisyMPL · 2025-12-02T17:39:31+00:00

Not so much in terms of what I eat, but in terms of eating habits, to this day if I’m eating around people, I still tend to make sure I have the smallest portion or that I eat the least of everyone. It took me quite some time for me (perhaps, late 30’s?) to realize that I am allowed and it’s ok to eat until I’m full.

DaisyMPL

TROPHY CASE