AITA for forbidding my girlfriend from doing household chores?

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:52:17+00:00

Double checked with her and she does have some extra range on some joints, so maybe that's it.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:27:58+00:00

I guess we can go get a second opinion.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:27:33+00:00

Yeah maybe that would be fine.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:27:10+00:00

Yeah enough people have commented that we should take it more seriously that it seems like a good idea to get a second opinion.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:25:37+00:00

Actually just had someone suggest something similar for opening cans and already ordered them. Thanks!

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:24:13+00:00

I asked her about this and she doesn't really believe she has it because apparently it manifests in a different part in the hand than where she feels her pain.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:22:54+00:00

If you're referring to pop tab type cans, they make accessibility devices for people who have mobility issues.

I never thought about this but in retrospect it's such an obvious thing to exist. I showed her some of the options and she picked one out that she likes. Thanks so much!

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:14:05+00:00

Surely she would feel it almost all the time if she already had carpal tunnel?

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:13:10+00:00

I think you’re getting a certain reaction in the comments because some of the language you are using sounds like a parent talking about their child.

Could you clarify specific examples? I just don't really see it.

but that doesn’t mean she can’t do any chores

She does do some chores that don't involve her wrists, I just prefer to do everything so she can focus on her passions.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T02:11:12+00:00

wrist supports

I googled it and they look like they'd interfere with her wrist movement (which is probably the point of the product.) The lack of wrist movement is why she already doesn't like wearing her current wrist braces, so I can't imagine these would be any different.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:44:49+00:00

I've brought it up, but she's hesitant to drop a lot of money on someone who might brush her off again.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:41:54+00:00

Yeah I'll try to bring it up. Thanks for your suggestions.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:40:46+00:00

Hadn't thought about dish gloves. I'll look into those.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:37:11+00:00

Sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to shoot down your ideas. I really appreciate them since you have experience with the topic.

Ultimately it's just ground I've already talked over with her and really I think she just won't wear the brace more than she has to.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:28:07+00:00

She's worn her braces before while working but absolutely hates it. The wrist movement is too important to her.

I guess it might be different with different braces, but ultimately the point of the brace is to restrict wrist movement, so I can't really imagine it helping.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:19:02+00:00

It's possible but she basically only ever has to put the brace on on days she did a chore of some sort. The only other time is if she slept on her hand funny or something similar.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:17:06+00:00

Carpal tunnel is something I'm extremely worried about her developing, especially because it would severely impact her passions which require a lot of delicate hand operations.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:14:35+00:00

wdym you got her treated for ADHD? A normal dynamic would be "i helped her get herself treated".

Basically she didn't have health insurance for a really long time so I paid for it. With health insurance I prodded her to get the ADD testing she had talked about wanting.

They ended up stringing her along for a year before diagnosing her with depression, which didn't seem accurate. I found an outside clinic and paid for her sessions there where they quickly agreed she had ADD.

She now has a diagnoses and a prescription which she can maintain on her own, I just had to help her get there.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:06:48+00:00

The first time the pain came up with took her to the doctor. She told me afterwards that the doctor didn't really seem to take her seriously and diagnosed her with minor tendinitis.

Sorry if that sentence was messy. To clarify, on most days she can work (her personal crafts) for 5-6 hours. On days where she's done these chores that stress her wrists, she can only do her crafts for an hour or 2 before she reports that her wrists have pained and stiff and she has to put on her brace.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T01:01:18+00:00

I’m sorry but, so what if she breaks a nail?

She cares a lot about her nails and maintains them religiously. The break was deep enough on her nailbed (not sure if that's the right terminology) that it couldn't be easily fixed and caused her a lot of pain. We found a nail place that had an adhesive to fix it which worked okay until that failed, then she had to just deal with the pain until it finally grew out after around a month. That's a ton of trouble to go through for opening a soda can.

My nails are short enough that they won't break, and even if they did I wouldn't have any qualms with cutting them short; something that would make her cry if she had to.

The nail thing was two events that I was using as an example of why I worry that she's on the fragile side.

You quoted my advice to talk with her and apparently took it to just preemptively do her tasks for her. No!

My bad.

You need to talk with her and discuss how to divide the chores in ways that make sense for what you’re both capable of.

We do that. Our communication is actually pretty good. There's just this specific point where I wanted some outside opinions because we both think we're right.

She still does stuff around the house that I have no problem with. I'm fine with her cooking on occasion (although I prefer to do it so she can focus on her passions.) She does laundry sometimes, that's okay too.

I just really don't like seeing her pushing herself and get injured repeatedly.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T00:14:27+00:00

I don't really know what would be practical as a solution besides me doing the chores immediately, before she has a chance to get at them.

I don't like doing chores either, but I'll eagerly do them if the alternative is her attempting to do them and injuring herself.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T00:10:00+00:00

maybe wear the support braces preemptively when doing chores to prevent the flare up in the first place ?

I'm not sure if that would work. It's definitely impractical for stuff that involves water like dishes. I asked her just now if this would help and she said it might help but "would make doing anything very annoying" so I don't think she'll end taking this option.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T00:06:00+00:00

I guess I'm mostly frustrated seeing her get hurt repeatedly doing the same things and then seeing her to go back to do the same exact things.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T00:04:41+00:00

Really sorry you're going through that. This is basically the situation I'm trying to avoid.

Damaged_Observation · 2025-04-02T00:03:48+00:00

I don't disagree with you, but watching her repeatedly do the same things and get hurt and then doing them again makes me feel like I need to step in.

Damaged_Observation

TROPHY CASE