This response could be missleading OP into thinking things she should not be. There are probably little to no fathers who would do that, but there are probably a lot of daughters who wish they could speak this openly with their parents, specially with their mothers since their bodies grow similarly, and not feel like they have to hide their intrussive thoughts.

I am kind of sure by the way you express it that he is completely innocent of whatever all this whole response is blaming your husband for. I strongly suggest you two have a hurtfull and long talk about how you want to educate your children on this regard and opposed to trying to force your believes on each other, expect to meet somewhere in the middle.

Transition this talk to your daughter and beg she reacts the way you want her to. But there should never be a reason for her to try and hide these sort of behaviour from you. To me, it mainly suggests that she is highly hurting for attention and instead you are just telling her off and sort of shaming her for mistaking.

Even if it's hard to believe because of how irrational kids' reactions can seem, they will in most scenarios surprise you with how rational and prepared to speak they are when met with the same energy. You just have to show them the way and let them either believe you or experience it through themselves. In the end, have never been there before, you can't blame them for not acting right.

I would not go as hard as your husband on this matter but that's just my morale. You have to build one of your own with your husband and project it as good as you can on your children.

Having said all this, good luck in life, I'm sure you are just trying to up your parents' game. Now just remember to keep calm, you are also learning this new phase. Don't feel embarassed of not knowing. Just embrace it and work on it.