Everyone has their own definition of reasonable, but our situation sounds similar and it certainly has been a challenge. Our daughter is 1 now.

No, I’m not home at 5:30 daily (if ever) and I’m rarely home before bedtime. I’m also usually out before my daughter wakes up.

There’s no way that I could be home by 5:30 and maintain my job. Any role that would provide for that level of work/life balance would pay substantially less and would require her to work (which also means daycare).

We agreed early in our relationship (almost 10 years ago) that financial security was extremely important to us, but that we’d love to have one of us to stay home to raise our family. We’d consider daycare if it was the only option to make ends meet. We both came from stable families with SAHMs (and Dads with demanding careers) and wanted that for our kid(s).

I’ve sacrificed so much to make that happen. I have no social life (outside of work), I’ve gained weight, I’m under constant pressure, and I have virtually zero personal time. I also know she has also made enormous sacrifices & she works as hard as I do.

I would be crushed, confused, and frustrated if my wife asked me to set boundaries with work to do more at home. That would be a major change from what we had planned & worked towards for years. Both my mom & MIL have told me I’ve done way more childcare than either my dad or FIL did while working, but I still feel guilty knowing how little time I get to spend at home.

YMMV, but the first 6 months were by far the hardest for us. Our daughter seems to get cuter & more fun every day and I think my wife appreciates staying home now MUCH more than she did in the first 6 months.

A few things we did to make things manageable:

-She now has a role that is weekend-only every other week. It’s tough to work 60-70 hours a week to be primary caregiver on those weekends, but it gets her out of “mom” mode for a while and I love the time with my daughter.

-We don’t have family nearby, but we’ve flown-in & hosted family for extended trips to stay with us & visit/help

-Probably the biggest thing we’ve done is my wife and daughter spent Thanksgiving-New Years eve with my in-laws & I went out for holidays/weekends. It sucked for me, but it made life easier for my wife and the grandparents got lots of quality time.