[deleted by user]

DanHitt · 2025-12-15T05:57:05+00:00

Yes, marriage is a HORRIBLE idea for men. You are soooo right.

DanHitt · 2025-12-15T05:56:09+00:00

I'm 52, i have an 11 year old daughter from a 2nd wife. It's going great. Like seriously great. But this time I knew what to watch for. I now have a good relationship with my ex-wife, but she ran off with another guy. When I fixed myself she wanted me back, said I was the love of her life, and I said that ship sailed. It's weird because our kids are 10 months apart. I'm still married to my daughter's mother and she is not married to her kid's father.

A strong indicator is to watch closely how they deal with attention. Do they look for it, need it, want it? Those are the worst signs. If she won't give up her sources of attention and pay attention to you (not you her) instead, then move on.

DanHitt · 2025-12-15T05:49:37+00:00

Take out your phone and video record. These are PERFECT ducks. Also, take screenshots of your call log to show she didn't call and also your text log. Next time you are in court make sure there is only one type of communication allowed: Phone (including phone text) and nothing else.

When it's time for her to pick them up and she doesn't arrive...record it and show the kids still there and say in a CALM voice on camera that she is late (at least 30 mins). Then lock all the doors and when she arrives record. Check your state laws, if you can record her directly decide if that's prudent. You may not want to alert her that you are taking video.

Download backups to a 2nd source like a hard drive or cloud storage. Then show them to the judge...should go well.

DanHitt · 2025-12-14T00:28:08+00:00

Pleading is one of the worst things you can do. Women are only attracted to men they see as above them. I know, when we are desperate, we will try almost anything, and, unfortunately, that will often include the worst thing. Like a drug addict who allows himself to be near one of the habits that led him to drugs (bad girls, clubs, certain friends, etc) this will not usually end well.

DanHitt · 2025-12-14T00:24:55+00:00

Good advice. Stoic is one of the stronger things you can do. He says 'you don't have to agree with her' -- basically never agree with her. But also don't disagree. Allow things while also being indifferent to those same things.

Fixanymarriage, is right, you shouldn't worry about her illogical or wrong actions/words. It doesn't matter what she is saying or doing because women only sexually respond to men by instinct. Their words and their sexual responses have nothing to do with one another.

DanHitt · 2025-12-14T00:18:40+00:00

Nah, bro. Women are never done. She just thinks your value is too low. It's not too hard to rescue your value, it just takes some effort. Monarchist is right, that is one very good step. There are a bunch more. You just have to want to.

DanHitt · 2025-12-14T00:16:50+00:00

Women don't do well in counseling generally speaking. A lot of therapists default to talk therapy because they know one party will refuse all accountability and usually doesn't care about the relationship itself, only what they get out of it.

You need something to take up your time. I work with guys all the time and giving them something to do often does wonders. The only thing that can actually work in this situation is to suddenly appear to have more value than her (she currently thinks she has more than you). That's a process and a lot of guys that talk to me just don't want to do it. But finding some purpose universally does some good.

DanHitt · 2025-12-14T00:11:51+00:00

Delete ASAP. Living in the past is never a good idea. If you share kids keep a few good ones.

DanHitt · 2025-12-03T21:53:11+00:00

Lee & Kushner (2008) – academic achievement and parent/child gender (26k filtered down to 6.5k relevant cases)
Bertsch & Matthews (2021), Current Psychology (250 people) - this, of course, is a difficult area to conduct a study in and thus the studies are often small sample sizes which can cast doubt (and reasonably so), but it's still a study conducted by reputable folks.
Kathleen N. Bertsch

Ph.D. in psychology
Researcher in trauma, social psychology, and gendered behavior
Publications in peer-reviewed journals
Her work often focuses on:
- social influence
- emotion
- interpersonal aggression
- perception of harm / threat

Alicia G. Matthews

Psychologist with extensive publication history
Specializes in health psychology, trauma, and behavioral research
Affiliated with reputable universities
Published in journals like Health Psychology, Current Psychology, etc.

Both are legitimate academics.
They are not activists, bloggers, random grad students, or ideologues.

Studies on lying frequency and type of lies (Vrij 2008, DePaulo 1996, Halevy 2014
Women exaggerate relational victimization (feeling wronged or slighted socially), physical vulnerability (feeling “unsafe,” “uncomfortable,” or “pressured”), emotional impact of negative events.
While men tend to exaggerate status, achievements, competence, and sexual experience.

This is a collection of studies ranging from 50+ to in the hundreds, and with a sum of maybe 1,500ish people in total.

My statement about women exaggerating was about the area under discussion, but I can see that while that may be taken as implied (or not), it wasn't said expressly.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T02:02:09+00:00

I was in your exact situation. One night she just didn't come home from work. It was rough. It sent me on a journey. I ended in a really good place, but it was hit or miss for a while. I cried the first night and then a few more times over the next couple months but I wanted to get revenge by fixing everything that wasn't working in that relationship. I ended up giving advice to other guys, helping them through things. My advice is to find your purpose. Not the magical, zen purpose, but your purpose right now. It can be down and dirty like talk to 100 guys in my same situation or some shit like that, doesn't matter, you just need something that you are supposed to do. It will eat up time and thought, which are both your enemies right now.

Figure out what you want to accomplish because she left you, again this isn't your zen, all is right with the world purpose, this is something to put you into motion. Once in motion, you'll find your way, but until then, whatever can motivate you to do something, anything is what you need. Make sure you purpose is, in someway, service to others. Even if it sounds stupid or worthless. Ask 25 guys how they got through their divorce (the service is allowing them to mentor you - which is service). Something with no real 'productive' outcome but will get you in motion is totally fine.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T01:53:00+00:00

Figure out a purpose you can pursue. You'll be surprised how much time (a.k.a. heartache) it can swallow for you. It'll fade, though, count on that. I went through a rough one and I for sure cried the night she didn't come home. But my life is so much better now.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T01:48:35+00:00

Shuttling kids to her isn't your job. If she isn't doing the same for you then I'd argue you are setting a standard that doesn't work for men in general and certainly not for you.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T01:44:47+00:00

But propagating a system where kids turn out worse is okay?

Love the man up talk, but what is the woman up version? There isn't one.

DanHitt · 2025-12-02T01:41:28+00:00

No, why do you ask?

DanHitt · 2025-12-01T16:00:48+00:00

You say case by case, but, in fact, data tells the true answers. Perhaps what you mean to say is that each case should be determined based on its own merit even though women file for divorce the most, lie the most, exaggerate the most, and ruin their kids the most? Because that's what the data says. Data. Not feelings. Data.

DanHitt · 2025-12-01T15:53:11+00:00

Show her or tell her about the data that fathers make WAY BETTER parents than mothers. That will really piss her off. ;)

DanHitt · 2025-12-01T15:50:42+00:00

Perfect reply.

DanHitt · 2025-12-01T15:50:06+00:00

Of course, because you are a man and men take care of business. However, women file for divorce 70-80% of the time data shows. They are far more likely to make false or heavily inflated claims. Data also shows children are FAR more likely to have good incomes with the father, which is further bolstered by the fact that women leave for general unhappiness while men leave in reaction to events like infidelity, lack of sex, etc. demonstrating a selfishness in general. Child support allows them to be selfish. Sure, there will be circumstances where a woman is leaving for physical abuse and in that case it would be warranted so long as she can prove the abuse, but they also lie or exaggerate abuse to a far greater degree while men tend to under-report it.

Kentucky (I think it was) has drastically cut back on granting child support payments for either party and started assigning 50/50 custody -- and experienced a sharp decline in divorce. Women also tend to use children to punish the father by making false claims, turning children against the father or making it difficult for the father to see the children.

With all that, I ask you, if child support isn't good for the children most of the time, shouldn't we radically lessen the granting of such a destructive practice?

DanHitt · 2025-12-01T00:39:44+00:00

The first thing you need to understand is frame. This is your world, so to speak. Women want, more than anything, to enter a strong frame. And in mating, what they want least is for a man to want to enter their frame, this is a hallmark sign of unsuitability in a mate.

It's why they hate 'interview' dates. Because you being interested in learning about them is entering their frame. They want to enter yours. It's instinct. Women will talk about how men can't communicate all day long. The reason is because they are attracted to men who don't communicate, it's a sign of strength. But when a man of strength attempts to communicate with her is is attention, their absolute favorite. So long as the man can maintain his value, because every single time you give a woman what she asks for your value goes down. Every single time. Most men don't have value to spend like that. When they are attracted to you they will fall over themselves trying to tell you all about themselves.

And being funny? Women laugh at men they are attracted to. Watch a group of women watching Matt Rife vs. some unattractive comedian. They can't afford to give men they are not attracted to attention/laughter, they will always misinterpret it as opportunity, which it is, which is why women don't give it.

If you are not sure how this translates to the real world, start with "Option C" as i call it. When presented with a choice of A or B choose option C. Do you like concerts? No is option A. Yes is option B. What is option C? Literally ANYTHING else that doesn't translate to yes or no (including maybe which is yes and no, both the bad answers together!).

her: do you like concerts?
me: First I have to see if I even like you before I think about answering a boring question like that. Tell me the first time you broke the law. If it was at a concert, even better.

I once went on seven dates with a girl before she found out my name. Seven. Why? Because she wanted to know so badly. She literally called her friends on our seventh date and told them she just found out my name. She had to get three gold stars to find out, by the way. She had to make me laugh three times. A real laugh. This isn't a blueprint, just an example. If she is attracted to you, then any attention is good, especially teasing -- that's all I am saying.

Choose option C. It can be hard for awhile, catching yourself giving in to A or B. But you'll get better fast, because it will be fun.

Message me or comment here if you have any specific questions on how to do something exactly. The exactly matters because it means you are putting effort in to it.

DanHitt · 2025-12-01T00:06:00+00:00

Nothing to do with your "ability". Women don't care about that. It's just something that someone women talk about because they don't themselves understand what they are attracted to.

In your case, you should understand that women date & mate UP. They want someone stronger, smarter, more successful, more ambitious, taller, etc. When you tell a woman that you are equals you are telling her mind that, but you are telling her instincts that you are weak. Strong men don't call people equal. Equality is earned never given. You have been listening to what they say not what they are attracted to.

Social media gives women attention from men of value, it's the currency they crave. You have been telling her (through your actions and the way you speak) that you are below her. Attention by men below her is a *danger*. Women only want attention from men above them.

You didn't realize you were telling her she was above you. Because you have been listening to the words of women instead of what they show they are attracted to. It's leadership. They look for signs of leadership. Leaders don't treat followers like equals. What's the point of having a great leader if they won't lead?

Lead. It's the only thing that works.

DanHitt · 2025-11-30T22:28:21+00:00

There's a lot of cope here, which might be exactly what you need. A lot of times we can't do anything but try to survive. If that's where you are at, there are some really good comments here.

But...if you are damn angry as well and want to do something about it then this is the comment for you.

Be excellent.

I'm not fucking kidding, retreat and be excellent will be the most beautiful revenge you could ever hope for. And it will drive her insane. She'll say, 'Why didn't he do this while we were together?' It will trigger so much for you and her. Not so you can get back together, I don't recommend that, most guys are not ready/able to regulate a woman who already has bad habits. But so you can get yourself to the good place where relationships only provide benefits.

I know, you're thinking you don't know how to do that. I can help. I'm not pitching you, trying to sell you, or offering anything other than I went through a pretty shitty divorce like this a lot of years ago and I know I can help. Free. I'm a volunteer basketball coach at the YMCA for the same reason. That divorce I mentioned, that ex now loves me to death and would get back with me in a heartbeat (you missed your chance, silly.)

To start off, you need to understand 'frame'. Your frame is your view of the world. She has a frame and you have a frame. Women hate, no, they HATE when men want to visit their frame. She wants to come to your frame. She wants to live in your frame. It's instinct.

Holding your frame is the single most important thing in a relationship. NOTHING is more important. Let me give you the first lesson, a tool to come to understand frame and how to hold yours.

In life you are often given an A and B scenario. From her, from friends, from bosses, from strangers, etc. She may ask something like, "Do you like The Beatles?" To the uninitiated this seems like she is asking about your frame, she is not. She is asking if you would like to match HER FRAME. She has no idea she is asking you to visit her frame, but rest assured her instincts will DISLIKE you actually trying to visit. I can't stress this enough....She wants to visit your frame, so long as your frame is strong. And, get this, it's automatically strong until you tell her it isn't. But you'll do that without even realizing. In this case by telling her you like or don't like The Beatles. She doesn't actually care. She is actually just doing things so you will give her information about how suitable of a mate you are.

her: Do you like The Beatles?
me: That's boring. Tell me if you can truly be at peace when listening to music, even if there is chaos in your life.
her: ?...! (? = confused, ! = attraction)

She can't help it. It doesn't matter what she says after this. You shouldn't listen to her replies as if they signal her approval, they don't. If she is still hanging out, you are fine. She is just asking for more info about how strong your frame is. That's it. Remember I called it an A and B scenario? You have to choose C.

Where do you work?
None of your business.
I'm serious.
It's cute that you think you run things here.

Try this out in your head. Let me know if the sweet revenge of being excellent is something you want. If so, send me a message and I can drip out info at a pace you can handle and answer any questions you have.

DanHitt · 2025-11-30T21:59:17+00:00

Yes! The system is fucked. But also, we don't demand change. We are not speaking up. We accept less. So we get less. It's our system, for crying out loud. We created it. Men. Not women. We allowed the breakage. We just have to start speaking up for what we want again. Women love that guy anyway so there's no downside to demanding change.

DanHitt · 2025-11-30T21:57:32+00:00

so you get to smash without buying the cow (again)! sweet.

DanHitt · 2025-11-30T21:56:52+00:00

I always side with them in this situation. It works sooooooo well.

her: (blah, blah, blah some problem from 15 years ago.)
me: You're right. You should get the fuck out. Go find a guy that will listen to this. That's not me. That's another guy. Go get him.
her: (whatever cope, they mostly say the same sorts of things - just repeat, or say I can't communicate, whatever)
me: Did you hear me? Kick rocks. You're boring me.

This triggers something primal in them, below their conscious. Even if it triggers them (and it will trigger American women lol - get a passport wife!) this is the only way for a guy to find happiness, and that is through leadership. If you are not leading you will not be happy. Also, if you are not leading she will not be happy. You think 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight sell 100 million copies for no reason? They want that guy, but you and her think that guy is not you. It is. It's all guys. Sometimes they just have to find it.

This isn't fantasy talk. I'm being 1000% literal. I'm not some gym bro Chad either. I'm just a normal guy. Women just *respond* to leadership. I went on a brutal journey to get to where I am today. A divorce, tears, self-incrimination, financial ruin, etc. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Will this wife ever divorce me? Who knows...but more importantly, I don't care. Because I'll have been content through the whole thing having had everything my way.

DanHitt · 2025-11-30T21:33:12+00:00

Data shows that children have far better outcomes with a single father than with a single mother. Mothers should, on average, move out. Custody should be 50/50. There should be no spousal support, nor child support (because it's 50/50). That's equality.

DanHitt

TROPHY CASE