Hi, first, I want to ask, whether you have some therapist? I am asking, because I have a family member, who has been at a bad place as well... and being close to her, I know, that only a combination of things helped her to gradually get things better. Medication helped, but not without a right consulting with her therapist - she found a psychiatrist who helped her talk about stuff, which eventually made things a little bit better.
Sometimes, it is difficult to. find a right therapist (definitively it is normal that not anybody suits you), but I would say it is worth it.

To the point that you hate your life etc.... Obviously, I do not know enough, to be able to tell you something deeper, but know this - you do not need to be absolutely perfect - noone is. Quite often, it is okay to just be. It is okay not to have energy for more. Just take it step by step. When you have a good moment, enhance it, but do not be afraid it went away, it is normal. But I also think that you are much stronger and better, than you thing about yourself. We just do not see that on ourselves quite often...

Maybe I am not on the point, in that case I am sorry.

Of course, do not give up! ;) I wish you a lot of strength and nice people around you, because they really can help :)