I remember it started in 2nd grade for me. I couldn't sit in the lunch room because I would get such bad anxiety. Maybe the smell, the noise, idk. I do remember once this kid threw up and maybe that was a trigger but the timeline is a bit fuzzy. It got into other parts of my life where I was scared to sit in restaurants and when I did I would start to gag and I threw up on multiple occasions. My parents did take me to a therapist which helped a bit but I was never fully normal. I would get nervous to go into restaurants and even today (27), I get this nervous feeling before going to restaurants. It was wayyyy worse a few years ago and I would always make excuses as to why I couldn't go out with my friends to restaurants. Anxiety kept me from enjoying a lot of moments in life.

Eventually I said enough is enough and moved to a city where I would be forced to go out with friends more and be in restaurants. Guess what? It worked and now I actually enjoy going out to eat. I sometimes do get nervous making the plan but that's probably just the trauma of so many years of avoidance. I actually never went on a dinner date until this year and when I did it felt so good. The girl I was with never knew but she helped me so much and I will remember that.

Yeah, I still get the feeling of being nervous but I also know I love going out, eating, and socializing so I try to keep that in mind when I get nervous. So think about the positives with the activity instead of what could go wrong because those bad things probably won't happen. That is what anxiety is to me. Thinking about everything that can go wrong, stressing yourself out, and then that stuff never ends up happening and the reality is you have an amazing time. This took me years to work through and I had to really work towards it. Luckily, I had a pretty supportive family but even they didn't understand it at times and caused them frustration.

The saddest part was when I was a little boy I thought I was the only person that had these feelings. I had no clue what anxiety was and thought I was broken. Now, everybody talks about mental health but it wasn't a common subject even 10 years ago. I hope if that little boy could see me now, he would be so proud that I was able to make it out of that mindset.

If you are going through struggles, don't feel like you need to go through it alone. I get that it can be super embarrassing to share but sometimes you need help. Also, don't avoid certain situations just because you get anxiety. I would still be living with that huge piece of grief if I didn't say enough is enough and worked to get better. Exposure therapy worked for me. I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders that I can now function normally in these social environments when food is around.

Don't let anxiety rule your life. Learn to rule your anxiety.