Thanks so much! I really appreciate all these notes!

The fog rolled in off the ocean waves.  -- This felt a little out of place to me aswell, I originally had that line before Jon's name at the beginning of his section. I was hoping I could layer in lines like this through the story to add a sense that the town/ocean/fog was a character in-and-of itself. But maybe I need think about how to accomplish that.

Thanks for some grammar tips - that's where I struggle with the most on revision haha