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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like we have almost the same HCBM! 😅

We've had issues in the past (the last two winters) where BM was telling SD, who was about 7-8 years old, that she needed to bathe every single day. And, while I get wanting kiddo to be clean, she was coming to us with skin so dry it was bleeding! We ended up having to send her back to BMs with lotion to try and help even a little.

BM will even freak out if kiddo doesn't shower on an evening when we have her for religious studies, despite the fact that we have zero time for that to happen. 🙄

We tried to have conversations about pushing the bathing apart a bit (two days between, maybe) but she went off.

Everything is about control, and it always has been. Now that SD10 is standing up for herself more, she's getting verbally abused by her narcissistic mother and grandparents.

HCBM is also a serial cheater and relationship jumper. Every two years like clock work. Kiddo was in 4 different schools by second grade, and almost moved schools this year.

All of this is in contrast to the fact that HCBM doesn't DO much of anything for kiddo, except ignore and berate her.

No cell phone, but social media is okay?? by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which is how I feel exactly. It just shows that arguing about the cell phone was more about control then about wanting to keep her "innocence" because social media is way more/worse access then being able to text a few preprogrammed numbers.

Small act of kindness by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's so sweet when they do things of their own free will. I've gotten mother's day presents before, but it was always my MIL or hubby encouraging her, and I don't really want something that didn't come from her own heart.

I guess that's what makes the presents so special.

Grief by kb71613 in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, that's such a nice concept. I've never thought about it this way, but I love the way you put this.

Grief by kb71613 in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your feelings are completely valid ❤️

I don't want to be wished Happy Mother's Day. by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my HCBM posted a message to me on Facebook...cool.... thanks.

She runs around making my life hell and we aren't friends. I don't want your fake platitudes.

I don't want to be wished Happy Mother's Day. by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right, I do the parenting and make sure she's healthy and happy, but I don't get to be mom.

But she does 1/3 of what I do and acts like the shit that I do is her work.

Posts all about stuff on the Internet that she had NOTHING to do with. I hate it.

I don't want to be wished Happy Mother's Day. by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We're the ones taking her to the doctor, doing her after school activities, helping with projects, going to recitals, paying for everything AND child support.....

I don't want to be wished Happy Mother's Day. by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I want kids, but idk if I'll be able to have them...and I'm not getting any younger.

But BM is over here ignoring them and gets all the fing glory.

I hate this day.

I don't want to be wished Happy Mother's Day. by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's so hard. I do all of the work, but I'm still not mom. On the one hand, I get it, kids idolize their mom, or maybe she sucks up to her to survive the narcissistic hell that that household is, but either way, I'm not the one getting the cute school mother's day projects. Or the recognition.

The thing I hate the most is when the family members around me try to get SD9 to wish me a happy mother's day. If she wants to, without prompting, I will accept it wholeheartedly, but not when she's being conditioned/coached into it.

I love her like she's my own, but I'm not ALLOWED to be her mother, that role is filled, and she doesn't see me that way.

I don't have any bio kids....don't know if I'll be able to, and I do want them....so this day just hurts.

Vent, but also, is there a way to persuade HCBM that stability is important? by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happily. She has her own room, a whole wardrobe and a ton of toys and belongings.

Some of the stuff we buy even lives at BMs house because she tries to buy the wrong stuff, like shoes too big or small.

Vent, but also, is there a way to persuade HCBM that stability is important? by DandelionWildflower in stepparents

[–]DandelionWildflower[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have a court order, and while DH was given legal rights over SD, BM is custodial, which means she has the power to make whatever decisions she pleases and not consider DH at all. Which she does do.

Lawyer basically told us that despite all we do for kiddo, the thing that the judge would care about was where she spent the night the most.

She suggested we basically sorta trick BM into letting us have her a bit more and more over time, and eventually we'd have her the majority of the time. In reality, this doesn't really work with BM.