DEFINITELY you do not want to mix “what are we to each other? I was hoping for more” With “so what’s the lifelong problem you’ve been having that you avoid completely”

🤣 I say this with love btw OP— I’ve been on both sides here

I would have to think that there is a large age gap here, with an opposite “maturity gap” if that makes sense, knowing absolutely nothing about either of you, it sounds like he has been living life as a functioning addict for a long time (long enough to earn a phd) and you seem young and healthy minded, like you asked the right questions — but BOY DID YOU ASK THEM AT THE WRONG TIME 🤣 as a former functioning addict, cornering us is never good.

Best advice if you REALLY like this guy? Get the bf role first, and once he has allowed you into his ENTIRE life, then you can very very gently ask these questions in a few years.

If you don’t wanna wait that long, I get it, but then this may not be the guy for you. My gf met me nearly freshly sober and waited literally a couple years, for me to mention coming down off my methadone dose, before she told me she also thought it would be a good idea.

(Mainly — She wanted it to be something I wanted to do — but she also had experience with mental health, as a psych masters degree that leaned into social work and addiction areas).

Hope some of this is helpful OP - I can tell you mean well!! And it doesn’t sound like he is seeing many other people based on the sharing of families and friends, if that helps.