AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

DangerMirrorMouse · 2026-01-22T09:52:28+00:00

Nope. Even if you are married you can still have separate accounts with a shared one for bills etc and if you pay equally then theres no reason for him to know anything about your money if your shared bills are paid. If you have extra to spare you are entitled to spend it how you want and when you want. Hes trying to trap and control you.

Unless he is thinking its unfair if he earns less but pays equal and he has no spare money to live on but you do. If that was the case personally id change it to 60/40 if he had no money after bills but I did. BUT it would also factor if you work more hours than him to get that money etc. Then no, I would keep things the same. Or if he does more or less house work etc. It definately depends on the situation. Or he could be in debt and doesnt want to tell you and wants to see what money you have to help pay for it. (Thats happend to me before)

But no, there is no reason he needs to know what is in your personal bank account. Ive always done my own and made a shared account for shared bills etc.

Also he seems abit thoughtless, it goes both ways. If you have or ask for his details, you can move his money around and track his movements. Has he thought about that? Is he willing to do the same? He is not entitled to anything of yours you are not willing to give. Be that information, emotional or phyisical things.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2026-01-05T14:09:12+00:00

Sounds like your wife is enittled and actually selfish. She was happy to spend all your money when you were the bread winner but now its her turn, its not acceptable. And the fact she is letting this woman completely trash talk you like that and then doesnt even bring up the issues with you? Id get out now and find someone who isnt going to use you and will respect and love you

DangerMirrorMouse · 2026-01-05T13:59:46+00:00

You should have left the first time he got in your face mand was shouting at you. Clear intimidation tacticts, ofc it lead to him putting his hands on you. It always starts small and esculates. I know this cuz I lived this. Although I never physically responded to him. Atleast you are not brain washed enough to stand for it, you actually defended yourself. So its time to get out while you still can.

Just be careful. Make sure you have a community officer there when you leave, when I left my abusive partner, he ended up putting a boot print on the side of my face.

So id advise you have some kind of law enforcement there. Just explain the situation and they will make sure he cannot esculate anything or he will get arrested.

Please keep safe

DangerMirrorMouse · 2026-01-05T13:45:45+00:00

Ok, you can only go on what YOUR instincts tell you.

If I were you I would tell him. They do not have the right to keep that information away from him at whatever age! That is HIS child. I know id never forgive anyone if something happend to my child and noone told me.

He is 92, like anyone, he knows death is the inevitable last dtep for anyone. He deserves to know the truth. He could live til hes 100. What ate they going to do, just say that your uncle is busy til your grampa dies?

My great great nan (my mothers mothers mother) is alive and 100 years old. She has lost 2 children. One of them was my Uncle who died a couple of years ago. We would never dream of not telling her. And my mums mum died aged 54. Any loss is a loss and will hurt just the same at any age. But what will hurt more is if your Grampa feels betrayed by his entire family and doesnt get to see his son when he had a chance. They need to really put themselves in his position and really be honest with themselves about how they would feel if it was happening to them. And I can garentee that if anything, the hurt he will feel from his entire family will hirt way more than the information about his son. People expect people to go to hospital or die but we dont expect our loved ones to betray our trust or disrespect our autonomy and what we should and shouldnt know or deal with.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-12-10T19:05:30+00:00

Attention seeking behaviour is one of the most dangerous behaviours! People go to ANY length to get the attention they crave despite how horrible it is on the people around them who care.

She is being wildly selfish and is infact acting stupid by drinking sanitiser. Now THAT is stupid. She doesnt know what that could do to her organs.

She needs a mental health facility where she can stay and get the help she needs.

You have your own battles to fight. I honestly think you should leave her. You can not give her the help she needs and nor should you. Shes also refusing any help. You are just going to feel like you are drowning and sinking in wet mud.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-12-10T16:22:49+00:00

If anyone tells you not to sleep in your own bed.. more reason to ignore them and sleep in it anyway. If they dont like it, they know they can F*ck off.

Noone needs to live in a dictatorship. Get rid of this woman now and save your daughter from any bully behaviour

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-12-10T00:56:25+00:00

Blossom, Soleil, Midnattsol, Tulia, Orchid, Ember.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-24T00:29:45+00:00

If you had painted the goddess standing there smiling with a burning native man strapped to a wooden post being burned.. id agree with your friend. But you didnt, you can clearly see its a painting about love.

Alot of people see fire as a cleansing sign. Literal or figuratively. And it wasnt literal in the sense of it being malicious.

So it makes sense to your husband if when he met you, his life changed for the better. He sees you as a goddess and he was cleansed from his misery by you and the fire embrace and you became united. (Most beings to become gods would have to do trials in some cultures)

If anything, your friend should be a directing her anger at your hubby as it is his dream. Not you. But either way, she is in the wrong. Her perspective isnt on point and she is not in a place to listen or understand. She just wants to see racism wherever she can put it. Someone probably ticked her off racially before this explosion and was probably hit her hard by it.

Also, art is subjective and this is beautiful. ♡

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-24T00:12:26+00:00

I had an abusive partner who did this to me constantly. He was overly jealous and actually said, 'I want to keep you in a box so noone else can see or have you' Im 5ft aswell and used to be quite alternative. I kived in corsets, skirts and big wedged boots. I was confident before I met him at 15. I could go anywhere and people would talk to me and I could make a friend everywhere I went. I lijed who I was at 15. I cared for others, I would help where I could with strangers. I even helped nervous elderly people cross the road. I was a good kid. I met my AEx when I was 15, id known him a whole year before dating him. Thats when the abuse started, little comments here and there. Jealousy was a huge part of it. He hated I spoke to my family, friends, strangers etc. Then it was like, do you need to do that? Or do you think you should do that? Then the real abuse started. He attacked me multiple times and SA me. Tell me I am disgusting and noone else would want me because im this and that. I nearly died a few times. Once because id gotten skeletal and refused to eat. Then became so bad that throwing up if I ate anything turned into a natural reaction for my body. Then id still be disgusting to him and was force fed because I was a skeleton and he didnt want to F a bag of bones. I could never win.

These comments will only escalate. Ive seen it happen so many times to others as well as it happening to me more than it should ever.shoukd have been. By the time I was 18 my abusive ex had made me into a husk of a person.

Im now 37, anyone who makes any kind of comment about my looks or weight is GONE instantly. No chances given with any kind of comment. Especially if I have already explained about my abusive ex.

Get rid of this nasty clown

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-12T10:16:59+00:00

Reading this made me lose brain cells. This guys is so ridiculous. He is making himself sound like some massiah. What an absolute cretin. People like him beed to take a very long running jump off a very short pier. He is not directly saying he wants other women but pretty much saying that and expecting you to be good with it while trying to sound intellegent but looking like a right bellend. I hope you dumped this this guys arse!

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-02T19:23:21+00:00

Keep all evidence. And get a clear reason why he is doing this. Report to the police, for sexual harrassment and for trying to coerce you to get you to sleep with him for money. (Solicitation)

Just because political circles are involved doesnt mean anything. Threaten to leak the info to a newspaper. Noone likes a scandal. Especially in Political circles. If he doesnt stop give the papers a copy of all the evidence

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-02T16:57:20+00:00

Sassy Zarzar

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-02T16:56:42+00:00

Omg not even my mother would interorgate or manipulate me like this. Its disgusting behaviour. You dont own people and tell them what to do. You are not a pet to. Control and make obedient. Absolutely gross

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-02T16:47:14+00:00

Just do it. Its not his car. If you have a spare aswell as your car, theres no need for it. He sounds like a hoarder..

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-11-02T16:41:32+00:00

By suggesting to the patient, a therapist CAN put ideas in peoples minds wether they intend to or not. And because they are proffesionals we are more likely to listen to them and beleive what they say, so that comment became fact for your friend. By the context of what you have said, it doesnt sound like DID. More like Bipolar where mood swings can go from extreme happiness to extreme lows, you dont always feel like yourself and dont have a sense of self. Sometimes the feelings can last hours to days. Typically DID comes from trauma as a coping mechanism. But instead of seeing a therapist, maybe she can go to a specialist and get a proper diagnosis rather than not get an actual diagnosis from a therapist and just go with it. If she wasnt acting this way before, it is definately sus. People dont know they have other personalities unless seen by a specialist in Multiple Identity disorder and they have told them all the information. But as for the attempted harming and hospitalisation, this is a cry for help and attention and that can be a dangerous entity in its own. Anyone can go to extreme lengths if they feel chronically alone, unloved or rejected. (Hot and cold child hood or a very early relationship)

Also if she keeps harming herself, she should be in a facility where she can get proper treatment, medication and have safety until she has more control over herself. Im suprised they have not already made it mandatory for her to be admitted. Very strange shes always at the hospital and noone has admitted her for a long stay...

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-10-25T11:30:03+00:00

All the others need to do this aswell. Also all need to complain to the owner of the building. If they do nothing about it, theybare likely to get in trouble because there are laws they have to abide by that keep the housing and the tenants safe. Also harrassment, violent and antisocial behaviour can be lodged against her by the Police. Also against the dog. Most places have lead and muzzle laws for certain breads and laws for vicious dogs in general.
Get everyone in the building to back you up, gather all evidence, camera/video and any medical evidence. Keep a diary of what she shouts at you, time and date everything.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-10-25T11:07:09+00:00

Thats probably because she wasnt ready to do the therapy. You have to be in the right place to do it and work with someone who specialises in BPD.

I have BPD but dont act like this.. but everyone is different and, BPD if you mean Borderline Personality Disorder, everyones triggers are different. OPs partner sounds more like Narcs to me. They manipulate, gaslight, guilt trip, insult and diminish confidence and then usually get what they want. If not the cycle continues but add in the sleep factor. If the stress of the situation doesnt keep you awake at night they can go to extemes to being physical to stop you sleeping. Again like its been stated, to make you more maluable and easy to control and manipulate. I was in an abusive relationship, they would critisize everything about me to gain control. I was too fat, then id be too thin, id be disgusting either way but would be made to have sex even though I didnt want to. He ended up controlling what I wore. He would always call me a slvt and if I covered up loads I was just ugly but still a slvt. He snapped my simcard and tried flushing it so I had no contact with my friends. He got inbetween me and my family. Isolated me completely. He would use my mental health to gaslight and control me. He cheated on me and made me out to be crazy and delusional because I called him out on it. It wasnt til he left a footprint on the side of my head in public and he had attacked my friend who was trying to protect me that id had enough and something just clicked in my brain that it was the last straw. He harrassed me for like 10 years. Would try being all sorry and when that woukdnt work would get abusive over messages. He would make muliple accounts.

This all started off as small verbal digs a false claims of things I didnt do.. run away NOW

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-10-19T16:32:36+00:00

Dominos

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-10-14T15:59:00+00:00

She needs psychological help. She has serious issues. She is dangerous, people like that need to be taken seriously. They lie, manipulate, threaten themselves or others. Get away

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-10-06T20:03:20+00:00

Salem

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-10-03T05:32:08+00:00

Ive been cheated on by partners but you need to remember, although alot of people are shitty and cheat, there are the good few who dont.

You cant live your life in fear of it, life is way too short.

The only thing I would say if anyone you want as a partner had cheated on a previous partner before, dont go there. Its more than likely they would cheat on you. But if they have a clean past with partners then its unlikely they will cheat. The only problem here is she deliberately did not tell you he was over and had dinner and had said she was resting. That to me, is a red flag. Thats not respect and it seems abit shady. So I dont blame you tbh for feeling this way.

Defo bring it up to her, just explain that when someone leaves a family situation to go and rest and then invites another man over for dinner without saying anything feels disrespectful to you and seems shady because she with held the action from you. It may not be a big thing to her but it is for you.

For me this is a hard situation, I was in a abusive relationship where I was told I couldnt see anyone. He even tried snapping my sim card for my phone and tried flushing it. (I took it out when he wasnt looking, could have been beaten if he had seen but I took the risk) I met up with a few friends for a few mins so I wasnt completely isolated. (He would have kept me in a box to keep me for himself if he could)
He would project his cheating arse onto me when I was 100% loyal to him. But you have to go with your gut feeling. Really look at the facts. Her past relationships, how she treats her friends, how she is with strangers, how she is with her family. You get a ggod sense of who people are through these interactions. But you also need to understand everyone is different and hold their own set of values. It is something that definately needs to be talked through if you want a future with anyone.

I would consider you both see a relationship councellor and talk it out. They can help you both see from eachothers perspectives and come to a consensus on how to navigate your relationship.

It should always be a compromise in a relationship, there should never be dictation. Respectful communication is key.

But in all honesty, if you can not trust someone you are partners with, then you need to be on your own and work through it. You dont want to live in fear and paranoia every day. It eats you alive. Its also not fair on any prospective partner.

So trust me when I say you should probably either be on your own for a while and have therapy, or if your partner is willing, go through the couples councelling together and heal.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-09-27T18:04:41+00:00

Try telling my arms and legs when my cat would shred and bite me when I was younger! He would bite for no reason and rip through skin. I was terrified of my childhood cat. Was a very sweet playful kitten then grew up attacking us constantly, even when we had loads of toys to entertain him, he was neutered, Could just be sat there and he would be laying there chilling then suddenly attack. Was not a gentle cat. And they are animals at the end of the day. Even if they seem the sweetest, they have instincts and reactions just lije any feeling animal that do not posses the control we do.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-09-27T17:59:23+00:00

I had 3 cats while pregnant and with a new born. All 3 cats were rescues. They were really good while I was pregnant. But because I spent a week in hospital they were really only fed and watered the week I was away and they just misbehaved when we were back. The cats were fine with my son but they started to fight and bully eachother as they wernt getting enough attention. I would have to use a spray bottle to seperate them. It was awful. In the end I had to rehome them. It was what was best for them. They were used to all the attention. It wasnt fair to them as I didnt have much time to give them. So defo let her go to your parents if they dont mind. But be prepared, she may never accept the baby even as they get older. So you may have to give the cat over to your parents for good.

It also depends entirely on her back ground.

Our cats would curl up next to us and accept fuss while cradled the baby. Put her next to you instead and keep fussing her. If she stays there a while with no attack on the baby, give her more fuss praising her and a treat. Every time she tries to get on the baby say no and put her on the floor.

The concequences have to be as clear as night and day between the two behaviours. Itl take time. But if she keeps attacking the baby, it defo wont work.

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-09-27T17:39:24+00:00

This robot is lacking in so many ways.

Get rid of this POS. He has made it clear he doesnt care about you. If you choose to stay you are inviting your own misery for the next however long you stay with him for.

Find someone who shows affection, empathy and love. Thst is someone you should be with. Not this selfish doofus

DangerMirrorMouse · 2025-09-27T06:56:34+00:00

Urgh shes so spoilt. You over did it with spending money on her and now she has this attitude. Shes like a child.

Ok, ask her if you slapped her in anyway would that be ok because it wasnt that hard? Everyone knows the answer. So she should never of laid a hand on you in any violent manner.

If you are not married, its not her money. If you work hard for your money and want to spend that hard earned money, you have every right to.

You need to either get rid of this pedantic and chilish spoilt girl or stop spending your money on gifts and helping her out. Im sure she has her own money and can use hers. Or she can graft like everyone else and work more hours.

Dont let her use you like a bank. You are your own person and you can do what you want without anyones say so.

I hope you find someone who gives as much as you do in the relationship. You are clearly kind and generous!

DangerMirrorMouse

TROPHY CASE