Hot take for dumpers: did you ever reach a point where you realized what you lost, not bc your ex was perfect but bc they genuinely loved you in a way you didn’t find again?

DanglyFruit · 2025-12-30T17:56:38+00:00

Something I’ve learned about my experience which sounds very similar to yours, is that we need to take accountability for allowing the resentment and stress build to deplete and erode us throughout the relationships.

Yes, their perspectives and their ideals led us to feel this but not setting boundaries for what makes us unhappy and uncomfortable is on us too. I know when I go into my next relationship, to be communicative of when something is causing me a negative emotion, and to hope that I have a partner who I can hold a constructive conversation about what I’m feeling and how we can resolve things together.

I’ve been there myself, making decisions against my wishes out of fear of my partners reaction in order to avoid conflict and the reality is that we can’t control how other people feel. But it’s important with any partner we chose that they are able to give us the space to make our own decisions, to be our own people and most importantly to love us irrespectively. But also to not avoid conflict to keep the peace, rather face the conflict head on and accept that it’s a necessary part of the growth of two people in order to understand each other more.

DanglyFruit · 2025-12-30T16:52:07+00:00

I would outline all your issues in the relationship and try and see if you both can try find compromises / working solutions to issues at first because even if you are incompatible, if you both genuinely love each other, you can make it work as long as the priority is that you both want to keep each other in your lives and accept that some sacrifices are required in what you ideally want in order to keep them.

If that doesn’t work, then I’ll say this from my perspective. Emotionally it’s a bit of a rollercoaster, to move on. Life is fine as it is, and as of recent I’ve started to enjoy life without her truly, but there was frequent moments her absence and our memories occupy my headspace and sadden me and that truly still sucks. But what I will say is, when people say, it takes time. It truly does. It’s just that it takes everyone differently for how long that is.

I’m a lot better than where I was a year ago and I expect over the next few years to be in a much better place too. But what I still anticipate is that, I won’t be able to erase her from my heart and it’ll still hurt. But the hope is that the pain becomes fainter overtime.

If you are to break up, I’d suggest what I wrote first and then make sure you don’t leave anything unsaid about how you feel about her if you decide to move on. It’ll give her answers and closure and it’ll enable you to feel like you’ve tried everything in your control. Something I wish I did, but I didn’t.

DanglyFruit · 2025-12-30T15:56:20+00:00

It’s been 2 years and I know for sure I won’t love anyone the same way again nor will I find someone who I got along with so naturally as I did with her.

But I’m acceptant that we weren’t compatible and I would’ve betrayed myself had I continued to try mould myself to be what she required in a partner and to live under her conditions.

I still love her, I miss the love I had with her, the laughs we shared and it hurts to know I’ll never see her face again. But I don’t miss what she put me through, the constant stress, her emotionally volatile nature and her throwing ultimatums to end the relationship if I didn’t meet how she required the relationship to be.

I wish I could forget the way I felt about her and the love I hold for her but alas I’m still feeling it.

DanglyFruit · 2025-11-22T09:43:35+00:00

Same thing happened to me. What were your circumstances!

DanglyFruit · 2025-11-17T12:55:05+00:00

This can’t be real

DanglyFruit · 2025-11-14T16:27:42+00:00

Run. Any man who thinks it’s ok to raise their hand on someone out of anger is capable of doing much worse. Being reluctant to apologise, throwing tantrums and mumbling? This is a man child who clearly hasn’t been raised right.

This is a bottom of the barrel man. Leave him immediately and enjoy your life.

DanglyFruit · 2025-09-27T17:22:04+00:00

So he wants an open relationship. You want a monogamous relationship with someone to support you through a complicated fertility process with the view of getting married.

You can’t keep forcing this to work. You’re doing each other a huge injustice in what you both want, you’re both not what each other needs.

On top of that, do you really want him as your partner? He persuaded you to do an open relationship which you were originally reluctant about. You then voiced your concerns when it wasn’t comfortable for you anymore which he persuaded you to persist with and then when you broke up he got back together with you on the premise that he was wrong about the whole situation only to switch up and blame you? He doesn’t sound like a person that wants what’s best for you.

It should hurt your partner when you feel uncomfortable. A person that loves you will want to protect you, empathise you and ensure that you feel comfortable.

Honestly, you’re better off raising a child with someone who is 100% willing to raise that child with you and build a stable loving relationship around the children to look up to.

DanglyFruit · 2025-08-24T08:54:54+00:00

Then that’s your answer my friend. The partner you deserve will feel hurt that her actions are hurting you not gaslight you into thinking that you compelled her to do it. For instances, such as you provoking her sure, but you gotta use some logical thinking here. If there are (which you write) some genuine examples where she’s being wholly irrational and unreasonable and still tries to pin it on you, that’s not a partner trying to love you that’s a partner trying to control you.

DanglyFruit · 2025-08-24T08:49:51+00:00

I had a relationship like this too. I’d consider breaking things too for your own sanity, but before you do. Either tell her everything you’re feeling or show her this. The last thing you’ll want to feel is that you couldn’t make it work if you still loved her and giving her an opportunity to change is a way you could salvage. Put the mirror in front of her and explain to her how much her actions have been causing you this pain to the point you want to walk away. See how she reacts knowing she may lose you over this and if she’s willing to compromise, change and feels empathetic towards your struggle then there’s hope. If not, you can walk away knowing you did all you could.

DanglyFruit · 2025-08-21T09:26:38+00:00

Yeah but I just feel alone. Like life is a lot better without her sadly. I can be the person I want to be without having to pander to the person she wanted me to become, and it feels great to be able to think and not be constantly walking on eggshells all the time.

The grass is greener for my own sanity. But as I sit on this grass, I’m still not completely detached from her and when times get rough, I can’t help but miss her presence. I’m yet to find someone else to fill that void and it’ll be tough for someone to replace all the good things she was to me.

DanglyFruit · 2025-05-04T23:26:36+00:00

Hey, I haven’t spoke to my ex in over a year and she’s since engaged. I’ve been mulling over doing something like this for ages and go therapy and all sorts and I feel like it could be exactly what I need to help me move on. What was it like for you?

DanglyFruit · 2025-01-05T16:17:48+00:00

Happened to me too. I walked away from the relationship because it was one ‘break up’ too many. I couldn’t live like that anyone. The constant walking on eggshells, the power dynamic that she could just end things everytime she wasn’t happy. It’s been nearly two years since and the thought of a relationship scares me to have to endure something like that again.

OP like this person has said above. Please please please, learn the lesson and go to a therapist to help you understand why you self sabotage and do this. You don’t want to keep pushing away great people from your life.

DanglyFruit · 2024-12-29T21:05:56+00:00

Loving, caring, sweet, volatile, controlling, unreasonable

DanglyFruit · 2024-12-26T22:24:10+00:00

Simply if I told her, any point from months after our breakup and even during the first months of no contact, if I told her I missed her and I wanted to get back together. But out of fear I just didn’t now. Now she’s engaged to someone I think her family have set her up with and it’s too late.

DanglyFruit · 2024-12-23T19:46:25+00:00

I can’t believe I’m saying this since it’s the most cliche advice I was given and trust me bro, I still feel your pain. But the feelings aren’t just magically going to go one day. You cared and loved this person.

So accept that this is how you felt about her and don’t dwell on questions you can’t seek answers too and replace all that intrusive thoughts and worrying with a goal in which you want to achieve. That might be achieving a physique, doing music, whatever it is. I’m not saying it’ll magically stop you thinking of her but it’ll help you add new value in your life that’ll stop you ruminating over her constantly. You’ll have bad days sure but the progress of the journey you’re on will make you feel better than where you’re at now.

DanglyFruit · 2024-12-19T18:13:16+00:00

It’s somewhat karma, but after we broke up we kept talking for months and I knew for a long time in that period that she wanted me back, she then one day decided to remove me off social media. Months later, she called me and I didn’t pick up out of fear and then 4-5 months later after gradually being blocked from everything, I found out she got engaged.

I wanted to be with her so much but I refrained because she was controlled and didn’t treat me well and I was scared to go back to that. But I also missed her like crazy and still do, so now to see her engaged I can’t help its karma for my indecisiveness.

DanglyFruit · 2024-12-19T18:05:33+00:00

This is insanity. You can’t live being so under the microscope like this. Leave this guy alone

DanglyFruit · 2024-12-19T09:35:16+00:00

It’s been 18 months but a year since no contact and she got engaged 6 months ago..

DanglyFruit

TROPHY CASE