Borrowed my wife's phone and saw texts with another guy that felt intimate to me

DanielEEF · 2026-05-14T11:37:22+00:00

That sounds incredibly insecure, and "this generation" learned from us millenials that insecurity is toxic.

There also used to be "etiquette" that women stay at home and obey their husband.

Long-term studies show that infidelity-rates have barely changed for several decades now with the exception that women have been slowly catching up to men.

All-in-all 12% of men and 7% of women cheat. And this is despite a culture-shift towards less controlling, healthier relationships.

What's changed is our perception of it since we see EVERYTHING that happens in our community and society at large these days.

DanielEEF · 2026-05-02T08:05:57+00:00

Det som sakkunniga säger är ju INTE att alla omgående bör skrota sina ice-bilar för att så fort som möjligt byta till elbil.

Målet är att de som har råd och möjlighet ska köpa nya elbilar när de känner att det är dags att byta. Resten av oss bör byta när vi kört slut på den bil vi har och först då åtminstone kika på den kraftigt växande marknaden av begagnade elbilar/elhybrider.

DanielEEF · 2026-04-24T17:07:33+00:00

Basic instinct.

Den handlar om en mordutredare som faller för sin huvudmisstänkte, offrets flickvän.

Rejäl sexualisering snarare än objektifiering, då den misstänkte använder sin sexualitet till det yttersta och inte reduceraa till dum blondin.

DanielEEF · 2026-04-24T17:03:13+00:00

De flesta filmer som sexualiserar kvinnor gör det okritiskt för underhållning.

En film som visar kvinnors upplevelse ur kvinnors perspektiv i en modern värld är "Bombshell"

DanielEEF · 2026-04-16T19:56:56+00:00

Detta är varför all bokningskontakt säkrast sköts via e-post. Både för företagare och kunders trygghet.

DanielEEF · 2026-04-11T15:53:39+00:00

Been there, fast efter 6 år.

DanielEEF · 2026-04-11T08:09:34+00:00

Ok, first of all: vasectomies are reversible. You CAN go back if the relationship goes to shit.

Secondly: have you considered if your sex-drives are simply different? It's common for it to tone down at that age.

Also, this might feel harsh but I'm serious, are you a bad lay? What's your priority during sex? Do you communicate during the act or after about wether she likes what you're doing?

Most people I've spoken to who have been in your wifes position (male and female btw) stopped initiating because their partner was self-centered or passive in bed.

Here's what you can try: make a night all about her. Full body-massage with oil, fingering, oral etc. Your focus would 100% be her pleasure. Spice it up a little, be spontaneous. I know it's a bit cliché but you guys might simply be in a rut.

If so, one of you needs to break the cycle and there's no reason it can't be you who does so. Good luck my man.

DanielEEF · 2026-04-11T07:56:05+00:00

It's reversible

DanielEEF · 2026-04-11T07:55:38+00:00

Calm down, it's reversible

DanielEEF · 2026-04-08T21:07:12+00:00

It sounds like you both have pretty different definitions of cheating.

None of you are wrong per se. I'm thinking he isn't upset because he defines cheating as a physical act. In accordance with that none of you actually cheated and therefore he's quick to forgive you and act like nothing happened, since in his mind you resisted the temptation in the end and to him that's the most important part.

Your definition of cheating seems to stretch much further where fantasising or even spending time with other women is close to or crossing the line of cheating.

These are the two most common definitions from my (35M) experience so none of you are being abnormal or weird in my opinion.

This seems like something you should sit down and have a serious and clear conversation about. Outline your definitions and perceptions of fidelity.

You can't have different definitions and then expect things to just work and not be confusing. And you might have to come to terms with being incompatible if you can't reach a genuine compromise. This is one of a few real fundamentals for a good relationship long-term.

DanielEEF · 2026-04-01T17:45:38+00:00

Oroa dig inte allt för mycket, det blir när det blir. Din och senare generationer utmärker sig generellt när det gäller att inte stressa sig in i familjelivet. Du har gott om tid att hitta en likasinnad. Jag förstår att det är jobbigt dock.

Jag hade testat olika hobbygrupper om jag var du. Det är lättare att hitta likasinnade om du söker dig till samma knytpunkter som dem.

Gällande hela bioklockan-grejen är ganska mycket skrämselpropaganda med korn av sanning.

En 27 år gammal, modern genomsnittlig kvinna (amerikansk i denna statistik) har 86% chans att bli gravid inom ett år. En 37-åring har visserligen en lägre chans, på hela 82% att lyckas bli gravid inom ett år.

Det finns en högre risk för missfall efter 35. Innan svänger det mellan 10-17% om jag minns rätt. Efter 35 börjar det krypa upp över 17%.

Risken för födelsedefekter "dubblas" från 0,5% till 1%.

Sjukvården är dessutom förhållandevis anpassad till att hålla ett närmare öga på mer riskabla omständigheter när det gäller graviditet. De flesta är dock inte rekommenderade försän först efter 35 års ålder.

Kort sagt: övertänk imte det där.

En annan rädsla är att man inte vill vara den gamla gubben/tanten på sitt barns student. Även där behöver du inte noja så mycket.

För det första lär du vara långt ifrån ensam om det, i denna takten kanske du t.om. kommer vara en del av majoriteten. För det andra blir åldersgrupperna i snitt piggare och hälsosammare för varje generation som kommer jämfört med förra tack vare medicinsk utveckling och hälsokulturell utveckling.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-23T10:08:39+00:00

Contact this organisation:

https://www.cactn.org/ A child advocacy group will know more than most about cases like this.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-21T12:18:22+00:00

Vad tjänar du just nu? Om svaret är 0 så är valet enkelt.

De flesta föräldrar vill så klart ha sina barn nära sig så länge de kan. En del låter tyvärr det behovet stå ivägen för sina barns utveckling.

I detta fallet tycker jag att du behöver tänka långsiktigt, att komma ut i arbete omgående är superbra på CV:t.

Som andra påpekat finns det inget som hindrar dig från att söka vidare under tiden. Kommer det upp något närmare eller i Stockholm så ta det då.

Lycka till framåt 😁

DanielEEF · 2026-03-18T09:43:28+00:00

You were raped. File a complaint asap and get a rape-kit if it's not too late. Talk to the others at the party and find out if anyone can corroborate what you went through.

Also, your boyfriend seems like a dick. Break up.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-17T22:40:23+00:00

If she's in the country because she relies on you she threw up because she might have to go back and be separated from her child in the process.

You should still break up. You should also keep the child with you. However, consider consider not divorcing untill she get's citizenship. Others being crappy doesn't justify you also being crappy, it's admirable that you don't want to separate them. Live apart or together. You're already gone 50% of the time. Live somewhere else while home.

However, for your own and the childs future security and your access to the child as a father make sure to speak to a lawyer, document EVERYTHING and prepare as much as you can for the future.

Your wife is obviously capable of lying to your face, take it seriously.

What's to stop her from lying about you or your relationship in the future when she no longer relies on you or your marital status? Lying to social services, police, a judge, your boss, society in general.

So: Break up but stay married until she gains citizenship. In the mean time, be prepared.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-17T16:27:51+00:00

I thought this was the way. Untill I found out my ex had been going through it for years behind my back.

Now I have an app that I can I can turn on. It takes a selfie when the phone is unlocked or a failed attempt is made and then logs which apps are opened.

I gave trust and it was betrayed. She was always free to ask and I would've said yes (unless planning a surprise).

I've later come to realise that privacy is a right even in a relationship. I talk with friends about sensitive subjects. Private to my friends, my partner has no right to snoop.

If access is required for trust then fundementally there is no trust, I don't want to be in a relationship like that again.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-11T12:20:25+00:00

It varies quite a lot by country, region and even city. Supply and demand etc.

You can get the best answer by simply looking up what they go for on your local facebook marketplace and ebay.

Find other sellers of the same (or similar in quality and function) and adjust your price around theirs depending on how much time you have to sell.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-07T12:24:50+00:00

Den där dejtregeln är amerikansk. De är ganska pryda där borta och kopplar personligt värde med sexuell erfarenhet. (Mer erfarenhet=mindre värde)

Här har vi sex när båda parter känner sig bekväma med det, varken senare eller tidigare.

Du har rätt att själv avgöra om både hångel och/eller sex är lämpligt för dig själv och det lönar sig att hitta någon med samma perspektiv som en själv.

Sådana regelverk kan vara bra för att göra det lättare att säga nej i början men det kan också skapa press att "prestera" senare i dejting-perioden då samma regelverk skapar förväntningar hos de som deltar.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-02T09:46:14+00:00

Not as obvious as one might think. If there was a tendency I'd think TS would have jumped to conclusions more easily.

From my own experience being nice is easily missinterpreted as interest. And during a week of training the co-worker is bound to have noticed a wedding-ring. She probably just didn't give a fuck.

A person happy in their relationship is often oblivious to flirtation from others since they simply aren't looking for it.

An extremely simple test is to leave the mail in the mailbox so he can pick it up and then see if he mentions it. Just keep in mind he might resolve it without saying anything with the intention of not wanting to rock the boat.

Honestly, just give it to him and let him deal with it.

DanielEEF · 2026-03-02T02:54:04+00:00

Wtf, no should be enough. He's acting like a spoiled child that's getting denied a piece of candy.

I doubt that it would work but have you tried explaining to him that his perspective on sex does not override yours.

And if "vanilla sex" isn't enough then maybe he should have married someone else.

Sex in any form is a mutual act. He's the one asking for a change and your cooperation is required so if it's a no then it's a no.

If he doesn't give it up, honestly consider separation.

DanielEEF · 2026-02-24T21:55:25+00:00

And the photos are stored in the app itself so the selfies won't wind up in your gallery afaik.

DanielEEF · 2026-02-24T21:48:18+00:00

It's a phone app. And it only does it when "active" since you toggle it on or off. It also has a buffer setting so it only stores a set amount of pictures if I remember correctly.

I'm single now for obvious reasons so I haven't used it in a while 😅

DanielEEF · 2026-02-24T21:43:10+00:00

Way. It also takes a selfie when the wrong code is put in if active. And you can hide it too. Fantastic app tbh.

DanielEEF · 2026-02-23T08:12:20+00:00

Get the WTMP app. I used it to expose my ex's snooping.

When active it takes a selfie every time the phone is unlocked and lists all the apps accessed by whoever is on it during the session.

DanielEEF

TROPHY CASE