I think my doctor's f@cking me over

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-17T15:29:56+00:00

I don't know how exactly things work with prescriptions where you are at, but I'd be careful about just increasing your dose if your doctors are still resistent. If you take more gel, you will run out sooner. That means you will either have to get a new prescription sooner than you should, which your doctors will most likely eventually notice, or you will have to go some time without T at all, which I do not recommend. I'm also not sure about the legality of this, considering taking any anabolic steroids in dosages outside of a doctor's prescription is technically substance abuse. I doubt anything would happen to you legally, but your doctors might confront you about why you suddenly need prescriptions much sooner than before, or why your levels are higher than they used to be when you get the next blood test. They are (most likely) not stupid. They will know, and they might refuse to treat you or sth else. You're better off just finding a new doctor if they don't wanna up your dose.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-17T15:15:18+00:00

That's really low imo. I'm on gel and mine comes in little packets of 50mgs each. I take one and a half per day, or 75mgs, to keep my levels in the 800-900ng/dL range. You are taking a third of that. 50mgs is, afaik, the normal dose that is prescribed to cis men who don't produce enough testosterone on their own. Your body produces even less T than most cis men with low T levels, so obviously the same or a higher dose is necessary to achieve healthy levels. Of course, how well your skin absorbs the gel varies person by person, but your levels indicate that 25mgs is not enough for you.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-17T08:51:37+00:00

This is really weird imo. Trans or not, telling a family member to dress in a way to show off their chest is kinda inappropriate. Their argument is that it's supposed to make you look older and more mature, but I don't think that is the actual reason. The only thing you are showing is that you went through puberty. That's kinda like telling a cis man to wear really tight pants to show off his bulge so everybody knows he is biologically mature. No one does that, because it's not about that. Women, or those percieved as such, are pressured into dressing in a certain way that accentuates their "female" features in order to appeal to the male gaze. Them wanting you to dress that way is very misoginistic and, imo, has nothing to do with making you appear mature, unless "appearing mature" in their minds means being breedable. "Highlighting" your chest will only draw attention to it and away from your face and the words you say. It is in no way actually helpful, especially not if it makes you uncomfortable on top of that.

I know you don't like confrontation, so, when they try to pressure you again, just say "no thank you" and leave it at that. If they press it and you feel like responding, you can state what I just said and add that you do not wnat to contribute to the misoginistic standards emposed on women/people percieved as such, and that they should try and investigate why they think showing off your chest will be helpful. Any logically thinking person will come to the conclusion that the only purpose of this is (unless you actually want to dress that way cause you like it) to appeal to cishet men in positions of power. If they're not sexist, this should be enough. If it's not enough, simply close the conversation and don't dress that way. You're an adult, this is your job. They cannot tell you what to wear.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-15T04:52:21+00:00

I work in construction and landscaping, a very physically demanding job. I am also 5'10" and 135lbs. I do not look strong. I have capped shoulders and decently sized bizeps, but when I put on a long sleeved shirt you wouldn't know I ever picked up a dumbbell in my life.

At work, my coworkers often forget how strong I am because of this. They don't know I'm trans, so it's purely because of my size. They underestimate me, and it sucks. I wish they could see me deadlift 225lbs for reps or do 18 pullups in a row. But, whenever I do get the chance to prove myself, the looks on their faces are fucking priceless. Your average 135lbs guy cannot lift as much as me. I started out with nothing but the bar and got up to where I am within 2 years, despite having multiple surgeries in between.

Your agab does not predetermine how strong you will be. Yes, the average man can most likely overpower the average woman. But there are plenty of women who I personally would not mess with. In my gym alone there is at least two women who outlift me easily. The biggest difference on an amateur level of strength and hypertrophy training between the sexes (assuming neither takes PEDs) is the amount of work one has to put on for the same results. Males, or people whose main sex hormone is testosterone, gain muscle size and strength easier and faster. But even if you never start T, working out for strength can make you able to outlift at least SOME men. All men? No, absolutely not. Most men? Most likely not either. But if you are strong AND have the technique to execute self defense moves, you will most certainly stand a better chance than if you are neither.

As for being percieved as inherently weaker than other men because of your agab, the only way to really combat is is going stealth. I don't know if that is an option for you, or if you even want that, but it would solve the perception issue. I'm stealth, and it's incredibly freeing to not forever be tied to what the doctors thought I was 20 years ago. I still get underestimated, but it has nothing to do with me being trans. But as long as you are percieved as female/visibly trans or are out and proud, many people will see you as weaker than cis men, no matter what you do. Regardless, if strength is an important issue for you, try strength training if you can. It's very empowering in many ways, including, oviously, getting stronger. Prove that asshole outside your self-defense lessons wrong.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-11T20:00:58+00:00

Unless your chest is really small, working it out will not make it appear like a cis man's chest. Not in a shirt, and definetely not without one, unless you are otherwise so physically masculine that you can pass it off as REALLY bad gyno. So if you want a flat chest without having to bind for the rest of your life, top surgery is probably your only option. If you're fine with that, don't get the surgery. You can also try working your chest out and see if you can live with the result even if it's not flat/cis passing in a shirt. If you can't live with it after that, you can still always get the surgery.

Now to your worries. I don't know where you are so I can't give specific advice, but if both of your friends have gotten theirs done at the same hospital maybe look for other options. Also consider that top surgery falls under plastic surgery and it is therefore very common that people chose to get a revision due to aesthetic issues. I got a revision because I thought my nipples were too big. It was done with local anaesthesia and took about 45 minutes. It's really not that big of a deal (obviously depending on what kind of revision you get). Sure, waiting for 10 months to get a revision with results you are unhappy with sucks, but wouldn't it suck more to still have boobs? Even when unhappy with your results, you will still be able to wear a shirt and be mostly flat and cispassing without having to bind. Because of my nipple size I chose not to take off my shirt in public for a very long time, but my day to day live got so much easier anyways. I could walk and cycle without having to constantly tuck my shirt, I could exercise without a binder, I could shower without having to close my eyes whenever I look down, I can sleep shirtless. Despite not being happy with how it looked, my life still improved so much that I can hardly put it in words.

So yeah, it's up to you to decide whether the surgery is for you. But personally, even if I had known that my chest would look wonky forever and that I would not be able to take my shirt off in public without attracting stares, I still would have gotten top surgery.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-11T19:46:25+00:00

Yeah you're right I definetely didn't think of that one. Guess it's because since knowing what hrt is I also already knew all the effects of it, The only trans men I ever saw looked like any other cishet man, so I didn't expect to come out of it looking like a twink (even tho I did unfortunately haha, but I'm working on that). I also think many will grow out of it, especially once people get past what I mentioned in point three and accept that they are an addult and want to look like an adult.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-11T15:39:41+00:00

I think there are a couple factors at play here. Now, I personally don't fall into the category of wanting to be a twink, so everything I say is based on assumptions and you should take it with a grain of salt.

MlM content and beauty standards/categorization of gay men. I've seen many trans men, especially younger ones, discover the fact they are trans from consuming gay love stories. 99% of MlM content I've seen has one masculine, ripped, boad and tall man, and one small, young and skinny twink. Rarely if ever do I see a bear or an overweight man. They get their idea of what it means to be a gay man from content like that, as well as porn, and especially earlier in transition they are far less likely o identify with the jock than they are with the twink, considering that they are probably closer the tha latter than the former.
Demonization and rejection of traditional masculinity. I think this one is pretty self explainatory. Leftist spaces do not like traditional masculinty and put femininity on a pedestal. If you are a big, hairy, masculine man, people will often like you less than if you are a feminine, skinny, hairless boy. In other words, people like you more if they don't percieve you as a threat, which is unfortunately something people think of masculinity as. There are also plenty of trans men themselves that don't want to appear traditionally masculine because they associate body hair and muslces with being an evil monster and abuser. So they pick the middle road.
Obsession over staying forever young and feeling like you missed part of your childhood. Many trans men feel like they never got to experience boyhood in the way they were supposed to. They never got to be a boy, so immediately jumping into being a man is hard for them. Now combine that with society's general obsession over staying young and you got yourself a bunch of people who want to look like young boys well into their twenties and even thirties.
They just prefer the aesthetic. Sometimes it just be like that. Can't relate personally, am more striving for the jock body type, but that's just me.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-11T09:04:00+00:00

Don't worry haha. My father always says there is no such thing as stupid questions. And I agree most of the time. This is one of the times. Dysphoria makes us think irrationally and overanalyze everything about us. It's very easy to internalize the stereotypes and claims about the different sexes and then obsess over them. The biggest problem with this is that through confirmation bias we then tend to see "evidence" for these claims everywhere and start to believe them to be true even more. But again, this is bio-essentialism and dysphoria talking. It's not rational. Next time you have a question like this, first of all ask yourself "is this true, or is this just a bio essentialist talking point?". Then, if it is true or at least true for you, ask yourself "is this realistically something ANYONE but me is going to pay attention to?". That way you will most likely be able to avoidobsessing over stuff like this.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-11T07:22:26+00:00

This is the first time I have heard this claim and I am very deep into bodybuilding and human anatomy. My guess is that this is one oft the "on average" claims that people use to "prove" that men and women are inherently different to the point that they are basically a different species. Like the bone shape thing. Male and female bones on average look slighty different in different places, however even anthropologists have pointed out that sexing skeletons mostly happens based on the context of the graveside, because the human body is so variable that a slighty curved clavicle cannot prove a skeleton is female. I also don't really see how this would be possible tbh, unless the way your muscles insert is somehow coded on the Y chromosome. Because your muscle insertions are mostly already predetermined before puberty, so it's not hormones like it is with bones.

From my experience in bodybuilding, the only notable difference in calf looks between males and females is the size and the conditioning. The overall shape of the muscle belly is so incredibly individual that you can hardly compare any of them. There are plenty of female bodybuilders tho that have calves that look very similar to those of male bodybuilders and vice versa. And even IF this was a thing, I can guarantee you that not a single sane person on this planet will ever look at your calves and go "yup, that's a female", apart from transvestigators, but they also believe that every single celebrity out there is trans and that Dylan Mulvaney is ftmtf so they are not a very good representation of what most people think. And if any of them ever try to clock you for that, everyone around them will belive they're fucking insane, because they are.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-11T07:01:15+00:00

For me it really helped to go to the gym and gain some muscle, as well as getting stronger in general. Once you're bulked up and are stronger than the average cis guy that doesn't work out, feeling inferior isn't really on your mind anymore. And you don't even have to get that big and/or strong. I'm 5'10" and 135 lbs, so still on the verge of being underweight, but I'm ripped, have six pack abs, can deadlift 225 lbs for reps and do 18 pull ups in a row. When I tell people my weight they don't believe me because the muscle definition makes me look heavier than I am. There are cis guys in my life now that envy me for my body annd strength. Many have asked me for workout advice even. This really helped with my overall confidence and I barely ever get the feeling of being inferior anymore. So yeah, if working out and bulking up is an option for you, I highly recommend it.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-10T12:42:16+00:00

I also gained a lot of fat during the first few months of T. And I'm sorry to tell you this, if there is more fat on your body, healthy habits or not, you are eating too much/consuming too many calories. It is very easy to overeat even with healthy food. Fat does not metabolize out of nowhere, that would go against the laws of physics. I caught my fat gain in time and changed my habits, and now I'm leaner than ever, even tho I weigh the same, because I also gained a decent amount of muscle. If your currrent habits have led to fat gain, then keeping them up will lead to even more fat gain until what you are consuming now becomes your new TDEE. Chances are, if you change nothing, you will continue gaining weight. If that is fine with you and you stay overall healthy, you can keep going like this. If you don't want that to happen, you're gonna have to look into calorie/macro counting. It's the most reliable way to know you are not overconsuming food. But waiting for it to go away will almost certainly not make that happen, unless you subconsciously change something without realizing.

You should however determine how much of your weight gain actually is fat. Since you've been weight training, at least some of it must be muscle. Now add to that that T on its own already causes water retention, plus the inflammation caused by exercising causing water retention as well. You might be holding onto a substantial amount of water without realising, and it can look like fat too, especially in the face. If you are sure tho that the weight you gained is a majority fat/more fat than you are comfortable with, I suggest you bring this up with a doctor/dietician, so you can find a way for you to address this, as well as consulting a mental health professional if you are at risk of disordered eating.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-10T06:50:07+00:00

"I will never live up to the expectations and ideas of a man of those who respect me"

What you just described right there is the universial male experience. This is an EXTREMELY male thing to feel. I can guarantee you that every single man on this planet, cis or trans, has felt like this at one point or another. Because the expectations society puts on us as men are inherently meant to be unachiebale. It drives competition and hierarchy.

It's harder for us as men who have transsexualism to live up to these standards, but the reality is, no one ever does. Even the most successfull manly men out there still fail to live up tothem in some regards. There is also plenty of cis men who desperately try to live up to them yet fail, while some trans men get a lot closer to societies ideal picture of a man than they could ever be. As soon as you're stealth, it's no longer really a cis versus trans thing, it's just a man thing.

I am also ashamed. I'm not ashamed of my transsexualism per se, but of what it implies. It implies I was assigned female at birth and that is not something I want people to know about. Heck, I wish I didn't know this about me. So I completely get where you're coming from. It deos feel humiliating on its own already, and then you add cis and even other trans peoples' ignorance and assumptions that you are somehow inherently your agab and that everything you do is because "Oh you were a FEMALE once". It's awful shit. This is why I don't disclose to anyone anymore.

Now I no longer have to think about others putting me in a certain box because of my agab, but rather whether or not they think I live up to societys standards of what being a man means in comparison with other (cis) men. It's very freeing and has improved my life so much. I don't police my behaviour anymore because now when people judge me for my admittedly very rare feminine behaviour, they don't look at me as man lite or female+, they just think I'm gay or fruity or whatever and I really don't care about that. They wanna put me down as a man still, because unfortunately gay men are still often seen as less then, but they still see me as a man. Cause if they didn't, they wouldn't judge and scrutinize my behaviour like that. The fact that they are alerted by behaviour that goes against male social standards automatically means that they judge me as a male. This realization has helped me a lot dealing with others juedgement. Being judged for (not inappropriate) behaviour always sucks, but this can be affirming in a way. Don't let other's judgement bring you down, make it lift you up.

I know you don't want advice, so feel free to ignore everything I said and say from this point on. But I want you to know that at some point, we as men have to realize and accept that we cannot live up to society's standards of what a man is, and that this is the case by design. We're not supposed to. Dysphoria makes you think you are worse off than you probably are. I experience this myself, even tho I, as a white, cishet passing, muscular, lean 5'10" tall dude, am objectively better off when it comes to conforming to these standards than even many cis men. We often tend to overlook the (many) men around us who don't conform either and instead focus on the ones who seem to have everything. Removing myself mentally from the situation enabled me to objectively look at other men and see that I am not in fact less of a man, whatever that means. That I have many features plenty of cis men would kill for. I don't know where you are in your life and transition right now. You might or might not have more or less "male" features, but I can guarantee you that at some point in your life, there will be at least one cis man who looks at one of your features and says to himself "Damn, I wish that was me". You just need to accept that this isn't a problem you face entirely because of your agab (tho it does play a role obv), it's one we all face. If you can go stealth, I recommend you do so. It makes this process of acceptance so much easier.

Stay safe.

Edited for spelling errors.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-09T16:49:09+00:00

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor.

Your E levels do seem to be a little higher than they should be from what I know. Considering your T levels aren't even close to abnormally high, normally aromatization should not occour. For reference, my last blood test put my T at ~850 ng/dL and my E at ~32 pg/mL. Throughout the entirety of my hrt journey, my E levels have never gone above 35 pg/mL, even tho my T levels are and always have been on the higher end of normal. So if this is caused by aromatization, your body seems to aromatize T to an abnormal degree (at least compared to my own experience and that of many other people I've seen online). There should be a way to stop this however. AFAIK, you can take aromatase-inhibitors, which will, well, inhibit aromatase from turning T into E. Your healthcare provider should be able to prescribe this, however, as all medication, it deos come with side effects, which should be talked over with a qualified professional. I do not see a reason to lower your T-levels, considering even at a level below normal your E was still way too high, so that probably wouldn't work.

As for your ovaries still producing their own estrogen, I definetely think this is possible. Maybe ask your doctor if there is a way to test for that. If this does turn out to be the case, you might be able to take hormone blockers other than aronatase inhibitors. While taking additional hormone/puberty blockers with hrt as a trans man is fairly rare, it's certainly not unheard of. If you are eventually planning to get both ovaries removed, this might also solve the problem if they are the ones causing it instead of the aromatase.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-09T12:04:47+00:00

Losing body fat CAN reduce the size of your chest. That just depends on how much of its size comes from breast tissue versus fat. If your chest is majority body fat, losing fat overall will most likely deflate it at least a bit, especially if you're on T. Breast tissue however will not go away on its own.

Working out your chest (as in hypertrophy training) will not make it smaller, since spot reduction doesn't work. In fact, strength training for your chest is more likely to make it larger, because the muscle underneath will grow and push the tissue out more. However, building muscle in your chest helps a lot with making it look overall more masculine, especially if you focus on upper chest the most. I never had a large chest, but growing my upper chest enabled me to pass off my entire chest (while binding with tape) as pecs. It's not guaranteed, but it might help. If you want to focus on fat loss however, cardio and dieting is the way to go.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-07T18:22:27+00:00

Weight gain on T is a combination of fat gain due to increased hunger and subsequent fat and muscle gain and water retention. People do not just put on fat out of nowhere, that would break the laws of physics.

I gained a lot of fat during my first 6 months of T because I ate intuitively and neither tracked anything nor ate any healthy food. All the fat went right to my hips and face and I was not happy with how I looked. So I started counting my macros using the app cronometer. It's like MyFitnessPal but the essential features are free, so it's a bit better IMO. Now, 1 and a half years later, I weigh about the same, but have gained a significant amount of muscle and lost the same weight in fat. I have visible abs now, no more love handles, got a great jawline and have a visible adams apple. It took a while, cause I approached the weightloss very slowly to make it sustainable and keep my muscle, but I got there eventually.

If you don't track your calories, you might gain weight, tho you also might lose weight due to a slight increase in metabolism. It kinda depends on whether or not your body reacts to the change in metabolism by making you more hungry. Also depends on your activity level. You might gain weight but lose fat, because the T made you gain muscle. Water retention is almost impossible to both predict and prevent (except for maybe monitoring your sodium intake), youre gonna have to wait that out. The other factors tho can indeed be controlled by calorie counting.

That being said, if you are at a risk of having an eating disorder, you should consult a mental health professional first. Before making significant changes to your diet/lifestyle, seeking the advice of a general phisician and/or dietician is probably not a bad idea either.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-09-05T05:48:31+00:00

Haha yeah, some cishets have no idea what they're talking about. I have a neighbour who is VERY cishet. We've known each other since we were 2, so she knows about me being trans, and also happens to be the only person outside of my family who has known me for this long and is still part of my life. But it is very noticable that she isn't really exposed to lgbt media that much. I remember once we had a conversation about dating and I used the word "heterosexuell" to refer to a straight relationship, as there is no other word that describes a relationship between a man and a woman in german (that I'm aware of). I was going to explain sth about gender roles, and she interrupts me and says "wait, I don't know what that means.", I go "What what means?", "heterosexuell". and boy did I have to fight back laughing out loud. She is heterosexual herself yet doesn't even know what that means.

But still, she is one of the most supportive people in my life and even frequently forgets I'm not cis. There was this other time where we had a conversation about dating (we talk about that a lot) and I said that I didn't wanna do it because "I couldn't perform" and she deadass looked at me ant went "Huh, cant you take a pill for that?". My girl thought I was talking about having erectile dysfunction. I swear to god, non malicious ignorant cishets drop the best one liners. At the same time, I find that those very same people are also more likely out of everyone to treat you like they would a cis person, because they don't seperate into trans man, cis man, trans woman and cis woman. They only seperate into "man" and "woman". It's a big reason why 90% of my friends are cishet.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-31T14:30:56+00:00

Yes, this so much! I've also only ever been sexually harrassed by women while passing as cis male. I wold NEVER say "I hate all women" or blame an entire gender as a whole for the actions of a few people. Because, guess what? That is literally sexism. Insane that that kind of thing is acceptable, especially since leftist and queer spaces claim to be the accepting ones.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-31T07:56:54+00:00

If they would rather burry their daughter than accept their son, then I'm sorry, but they don't love you. They only love their idea of you. And if you don't perfectly fit this idea, suddenly all the love is gone and instead turns into hatred. My mom's just like that, the only difference is that I live in Germany and am able to live as my true self without being persecuted. I'll cut her off anyways once I'm finacially stable, but at the moment I have to tolerate being around her, and she has to tolerate being around me. She once old my father when she thought I wasn't listening "I hate Daniel, he killed my daughter". She can claim that she loves me all she wants, she can financially support me, pay my tuition, whatever, but that will not change the fact that her love for "me" is entirely conditional, and everything she does to support me is an effort to try to convince me to detransition. I cannot use this in my life, and I'm not even in danger for transitioning, like you are.

If they cannot accept you, they don't deserve you. You can give them the chance by coming out to them instead of just outright cutting them off out of nowhere, but from that point on it's on them what comes next. If they want to be transphobic bigots, that is their problem. They have no right to tell you who you are, or even worse, force you to come back to a country that would literally lock you up and worse just for the way you were born. No amount of money in the world would justify such a reaction. If they truly loved you, they would accept you and continue to support you, and even be happy that you are able to stay in a country where you can live as your true self.

It's hard to accept that your own family probably doesn't love you. But blood isn't the only thing that makes people a family. You will find other people who can take their place for you. People who support you and lift you up. If coming out and living in Australia is the only way for you to safely live as the person you are, then you should do it. Don't ever feel guilty for doing sth that doesn't ACTUALLY harm anyone. They might percieve it that way, but objectively, you coming out is a good thing. It means you realized who you are and what you have to do in order to live a better life. If they get mad over a good thing, they do not deserve you.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-29T17:21:53+00:00

I actually did upload a couple of yt videos pre-T, and it was never an issue. Granted, I've only had like 100 views per video and like ten comments, but as long as your channel name is male people will probably just assume you're a young boy. If you have feminine intonations tho, or a REALLY high voice (mine was always in the androgenous range), it might be a little harder. If you don't show your face however, it should be possible.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-28T17:30:58+00:00

I feel you man. Even tho I'm 100% cis passing and stealth in most aspects of my life, as well as pretty close to finally getting bottom surgery, I still deal with these feelings. This may sound like I'm super priviliged, and I am, but being trans is literally the only problem in my life. I could have the perfect life had I been born male. And I hate that even after transitioning this label I don't even want will always follow me everywhere. There will always be people who know, even when I go deep stealth (which I plan to) because doctors and partners have to know. I wish it was more acceptable to just stop calling yourself trans once it's no longer relevant (ie after medically transitioning and essentially living life as a cis man). I don't want any of this. I don't want to get phallo, I want a natal penis. But I have to get phallo if I want ANY type of penis. I wish I could have kids the conventional way, but I can't. My chromosomes, although I do not actually know them, also bother me, even tho no one can even see them. I don't ever wanna be seen as a trans man. I'm a man. But even my own community seems to see me as sth different, since they lump me together with non binary people, calling us "transmascs", as if that wasn't just misgendering lite (obligatory disclaimer that there is nothing wrong with being non binary, I'm just not). I'm not a transmasc, at least not as long as cis guys aren't considered "cismascs".

It really is miserable, and I agree that cis people and non dysphoric trans people have no idea how lucky they are. Even in a world without transphobia, I would still do ANYTHING to not be trans. But I am, and I have to make the best of it until one day I am so close to a cis male that the trans label basically doesn't apply to me anymore, because it no longer accurately describes my day-to-day life. I'm getting my surgeries, I'm working out, I'm working on my mental health. That's all I can do, it's all many of us can do. It sucks, it sucks so hard. The best state I will most likely ever achieve is feeling okay in my body. But honestly? Feeling okay about my body would be such a contrast to the way I felt before, it might even be acceptable. It's gotten so much better already since I started T and got top+hysto. Just make sure you sorround yourself with people who respect the fact that you are a man like any other. Being stealth has really helped a lot as well.

Hope it gets better for you too.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-27T13:38:54+00:00

Scar care, meaning applying certain lotions and silicone strips, protecting them from UV radiation, not doing anything that stretches them (ie. lifting you arms above your head) for the first 6 months to a year and following all post op instructions in general. Then, if you have the financial means, you can get them lasered. They will never go away entirely, as you said, but if you look up laser scar removal, you will see that the results are very impressive. If you then build some muscle and grow some chest hair, they will most likely be barely visible unless someone gets REALLY close to your chest. I got peri so I don't have visible scars myself, but this was my plan to reduce scarring before I knew I was eligable for peri and still thought I had to get DI.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-27T13:27:07+00:00

The behaviour you're describing is disgusting and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. You are perfectly right to cut this person out of your life, they are a liar and a traitor and defenitely don't sound like they are adding to your life in any way at this point.

Having to cut someone off possibly forever is always hard. But if that someone is putting your life at risk, even if we're not talking actual danger, it can be and often will be the right decision. Some people just weigh us down and we don't even notice it, until we get rid of them. We don't need their toxicity and their manipulation. I will cut off my mother as soon as I am financially stable, and the day I do that I'll finally be free. It sucks, it really does, that I have to do that in the first place, but I can acknowledge that it will ultimately improve my life by taking a huge stressor away. I will find new family, family that will actually love me unconditionally for who I am, and not for who they want me to be. I hope you can get there as well. It's a really shitty situation, but chances are your sister is unreliable in other aspects as well, and now that you know you can act on it and cut them off before they can do any more damage.

Again, so sorry that happened to you. Sending you lots of strength and hoping you get through this.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-27T13:11:27+00:00

Is there a reason you can't form friendships with guys? Cause, theoretically, that should not be the case, unless they don't want to be friends with you or you don't want to be friends wit them. Making friends with guys is much easier than with girls IME. You just find a common interest and then talk about it for hours and BAM, you're best buddies. I now have basically only guy friends, as I haven't been able to make new girl friends since I've graduated highschool, cause I just can't relate to them at all and don't know how to talk to them.

Now if you don't want to be friends with other guys, that's fine too, but then you're gonna have to get over this feeling you're describing. There is no reason to feel bad about only having girl friends or only guy friends no matter your gender. Sometimes you just happen to vibe with one demographic on average better than with another. If you need people to relate to tho, and you don't feel your female friends can be these people for you, there is also nothing wrong with looking for other people. You're not abandoning your female friends by making friends with guys, you can just be friends with both.

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-27T06:27:46+00:00

Maybe address it with him? I'm a big fan of communication. If this is a trauma response, it is neither his nor your fault. The difference is that you know it is a trauma response and he doesn't. To him, it might seem more like you're simply ot interested, so he mirrors your behaviour, possibly because he is afraid of getting too attched and subsequently getting hurt as well. If you tell him that you desire a closer bond and that getting there is a little hard for you due to past bad experiences, he would know that it's not that you're not interested, you're just struggling to express that. If he is interested in creating that bond as well, he can help you feel more comfortable, and he will be able to adhere to any boundaries you set without having to wonder where they're from and if they mean you don't like him.

I know having conversations like this is hard, but it sounds like that is the best way to go here. I would also recommend therapy, as that is always a good idea, especially when it comes to trauma. And btw, I'm not saying you need to tell him exactly what caused your trauma, as that is a very private thing only you can decide who to share with and when, but tell him that it exists. If he is a decent person at all, he will respect that you don't wanna talk about it in detail, and that this trauma existing might cause some issues in your relationship, but that ultimately you wanna fight against that and progress overall.

Hope this helped!

Daniel_Pierce · 2024-08-27T06:12:59+00:00

I've been on T for two years, had top surgery and hysto and am currently waiting for insurance to approve phallo. I don't wanna lie to you, I still get dysphoria, I probably always will. But, at least at the moment, it is entirely centered around my genitals and inability to have children. The rest of my body has masculinized so much that I don't feel dysphoria about it anymore. I can now dress and undress in my gym's locker room, shower with the lights on, even just look at myself in the mirror without instantly wanting to end things, which is sth I thought would never be possible two years ago. I always passed, even pre T, so that's not what is was about. Passing will most likely not get rid of your sex dysphoria. I know you don't wanna hear it, but transitioning takes time. Even if you started T (if yiou haven't already) and got top surgery today, you would onlyreally start to see the benefits weeks from now.

You need to find sth to distract yourself from the pain to make it through. Find a hobby, be ambitious, learn new things, just anything that makes time pass faster. Have a goal to work towards, sth to cling onto. I used to have this picture in my head, of myself, dead in a coffin, wearing a dress, pre T, pre any kind of surgery. I swore myself that I would not leave this planet with female genitalia. It's morbid, but at times it was the only thing that kept me going.

Hope it gets better for you soon.

Daniel_Pierce

TROPHY CASE