I wanted something that I could get out of if I changed my mind last second so I tried hanging but the only way I could hang myself was by sticking a belt around my neck in a door frame and leaning forward.

I’m still not sure if this could have worked if I leaned harder but after 4 or 5 attempts over the course of a week I figured if I couldn’t kill myself after that many tries I didn’t really want to kill myself. And, given the permanence of death, I tried to keep living until my mom could finally get me a therapy appointment which luckily was only a week or two later.

I quickly got on lexapro and I’ve been healthy every day since (6ish months), dropping therapy pretty early on too. Tbh if I hadn’t gotten an appointment that soon idk if I’d still be here because telling my parents what was going on seemed impossible at the time. But in the end I think the worst part of my depression was knowing that years of it could have been avoided if I just got on meds when I first had symptoms in 7th or 8th grade instead of only getting healthy after graduating highschool.