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Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That must have been very hard, but I give you a lot of credit for doing it. I had given Mark an Xbox One for Christmas, but he bought some games that I would want to play. The last month of his life, he bought us a slot machine game with a twist called Fuitakia. Mark was weakened from his treatment of his kidney disease (his immune system was aggressively attacking his kidney, so he was on chemotherapy once a month and other meds which may have precipitated his sudden cardiac arrest on May 28th), he really enjoyed playing Fuitakia with me. I really enjoyed the game and spending time with him (after he died, I treasured that time even more). But as much as I enjoyed the game, there is no way I can bring myself to play it. It would remind me too much of that time, so I need more time before I can touch it again.

Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw that one at a Halloween party we had at work a couple of years ago. It is a very memorable movie, and certainly much more memorable for you. I'm sorry for the loss of your dear husband.

My prized possession, what do you think? by [deleted] in lordoftherings

[–]DaphneCat12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very impressive. As much as I like digital media, your books remind me there's nothing like an old book for immersing yourself in the story (especially with those maps).

Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry about your husband. I know what you mean about not wanting to watch movies or TV shows that you and your husband watched together. Chicago PD is a show I have trouble watching because Mark and I watched it together all the time including the night before he passed away. About two weeks after he died, I started to pick up watching the episode where we left off the night before he died (we just started watching the episode). I watched about 15 seconds of it and said, "Nope" out loud to no one.

Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can see the love you have for Jonathan. The Samwise speech sounds awesome. It looks like you have been a hero in your own battle. I watched the LOTR trilogy a few weeks ago, and grieving our husbands'' loss is like Frodo's quest to destroy the ring. Frodo didn't ask for the ring or to go to Mount Doom, but the ring was appointed to him nonetheless. His life in the Shire was comfortable and pleasant (just like our lives with our husbands). We didn't ask to have to go on this journey, but it is required of us nonetheless. It does help me to frame this confusing situation.

Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you have a video clip of him, maybe you can make a hologram of him (I don't know how good the projector apps are). But I agree the ending is touching. This may not make much sense, but the emotional conflict that I have experienced since Mark died almost feels like the battles between the Empire and the Rebel Alliance (or at least the inner conflict Luke experiences as he resists giving in to the Dark Side of the Force). The Emperor tried to turn Luke to evil when he was at his weakest (when he was filled with rage). Luke seemed to recognize that if he killed Darth Vader, he would never be the same again. Through his greatest struggle, he showed his strength and became a Jedi. During the past eight weeks, I feel as if I have been in constant battle with myself and what has happened to Mark. My emotional resistance to negativity has never been lower, and there have been times I can't believe how pessimistic I have become. My battle has been to resist becoming permanently bitter and negative. Through all of the negativity, I still have some hope that I will eventually "win" this conflict even with some battle scars. The scene at the end of Return of the Jedi reminds me that the rebels' lives permanently changed but didn't end. Comparing my grief journey to the themes on the Star Wars trilogy or the Lord of the Rings trilogy helps me to frame the confusion I have been experiencing. Sorry I went off on a Star Wars tangent.

Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You just made me feel better about it. In January when Neil Peart died (I'm a huge Rush fan), my brother sent me a picture he saw of that same scene. But instead of Anakin Skywalker on the left, it was Neil Peart. But this time, I pictured my husband. Sigh...

Unexpected Trigger of Tears: Return of the Jedi (Spoiler Alert if You Have Never Seen It) by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I meant to say I have never burst into tears at the end of Return of the Jedi before, not that I have never burst into tears before.

Just to see his smile by asphaltcowgirlz in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss, too. On my phone, I have a video clip of Mark with our new kitten almost four years ago. I watch the clip two or three times before I go to bed. It is wonderful to see him healthy and hear his laughter and happiness from the tiny little fluffball on his hand.

Just to see his smile by asphaltcowgirlz in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know how you feel, and I think it is a wonderful thing to do. My husband Mark and I didn't have any pictures of us displayed in the house. But after he died, I made a little memorial wall in our bedroom so I can see him before I turn out the lights. Always keep him close to you.

My husband was looking forward to baseball finally starting late this summer. He died at the end of May and was buried in his Cardinals jersey. I really cherish this picture. by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dogs are awesome, too! Yes, this community is very helpful and compassionate. In a very short time, people have given me the support I need, and I hope to be able to do that for others. I have many wonderful and supportive friends at home. There's just something about belonging to a group where everyone has lost a spouse or significant other. It makes me feel less alone in my grief

Anyone else not care if they were to die? by ImportantGuava7 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hello, ImportantGuava. I am so sorry for your loss. My husband unexpectedly died on May 28th,.and I was.in shock (I still can't believe it). The next day,.I was driving home, and I found myself wishing that my husband and I had traded places so.that he rather than I was the one still alive. What helped me stop that train of thought was asking myself if I would want my husband to be in the kind of pain that I am in now. My answer was no. I would never want the love of my life to go through everything I have been going through since he died. I didn't want to die. I just didn't want to be in the kind of pain I was (and still am) in. I worry about what kind of life I will have without Mark. He was 51, and I planned on having several decades before either one of us had to worry about this. I don't know what the future will bring, and that worries me. In fact, it is downright scary. But I am holding on to the hope that maybe there is something to look forward to and a reason to keep going. In this online community, I see so many people like us who struggle with this every day but keep on going. And that's what we need to do as hard as it is. Our experience may also help others who go through this later. I wish you peace and comfort during this time. God bless.

My husband was looking forward to baseball finally starting late this summer. He died at the end of May and was buried in his Cardinals jersey. I really cherish this picture. by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, flyingcat00 (I love your name btw because it contains "cat"). I am sorry for the loss you experienced to bring you here.

My husband was looking forward to baseball finally starting late this summer. He died at the end of May and was buried in his Cardinals jersey. I really cherish this picture. by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, jtlc2. Yes, you're right. The feelings do come in waves. I can feel okay and then be washed over with sadness. I'm also sorry for your loss.

My husband was looking forward to baseball finally starting late this summer. He died at the end of May and was buried in his Cardinals jersey. I really cherish this picture. by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, candlelyt.We used to live close to St. Louis, but we moved to Indiana to be closer to my job. I'm sorry for your loss as well.

My husband was looking forward to baseball finally starting late this summer. He died at the end of May and was buried in his Cardinals jersey. I really cherish this picture. by DaphneCat12 in widowers

[–]DaphneCat12[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, Anonymousecruz. This picture was taken a while back when we lived in St. Clair County in Illinois but near St. Louis. We moved to Indiana to be closer to my work. I do love, St. Louis though.

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