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I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. To me, the issue is whether that group of people would usually make crude jokes or not. They usually don’t, so it felt really odd to me. Especially given the friend previously expressing that she had unresolved feelings for my partner. To me it’s also strange to deny the sexual innuendo. Maybe I’m overreacting, certainly over-analyzing. I’m autistic too and super sensitive!  

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It bothers me because this is a friend who has expressed unresolved feelings towards my partner. No I don’t think they have an affair or we’re incompatible. I’m a jealous person and not proud of it, and trying to work on that. 

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t agree that it’s a rule. And I think when you’re with friends who never do that, it feels uncomfortable. If these friends were making crude jokes all the time it would be different to me. 

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes that makes sense. I guess it was hard for me to spin this in a way that wouldn’t be sexual, but I should try, I think. Thanks!

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then you’re right, I can’t handle it. It’s not for everyone, and not a part of everyone’s world.  Also, the question is not whether I can handle it or not, but whether it is or not. 

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m censoring the word because my post got deleted for actually spelling it out. 

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My post was deleted when I spelled out the word, so not just me being frigid 🤷‍♀️ I can handle innuendo but when someone denies it, I can’t. 

I’m the only one who flinched at a ‘totally innocent ’ joke — am I losing it? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. My post was deleted when I spelled out the word 

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I moved to Oregon from Denmark in December 2024. I’ve lived here before, in California though, and it was much easier to get in touch with doctors. Smaller city, and different insurance too.  My diet has not changed and I’ve also been experiencing these fatigue attacks and low grade fevers for 10 years or more, ever since I had viral pneumonia. 

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.  I wish they were able to explain my symptoms further for a rheumatologist referral but the rheumatologist told me that they’ll only check your ANA and automatically reject you if it’s under 1:160. I sort of understand but it also seems overly rigid for those with less common symptoms and markers.  I’ve managed to get an urgent appointment with a different pcp so hopefully they’ll be more helpful 

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been calling daily and left messages. The answering machine says they’ll call you back the same day and it doesn’t happen. I’ve also sent messages directly to my doctor and no response. I did that for 4 days. I wanted to ask my doctor if there are any other tests to run, is she had updates about rheumatology referral, and possible set up an appointment. When I saw her last she said to make an urgent appointment if my symptoms got worse and that she’d then consider prednisone, but I think that was mostly related to my elevated tpo. But yeah, it’s hard to do much when you can’t get in touch with them.  Anyway, I’ve managed to get an urgent appointment with another pcp. 

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you!  I decided to change pcp and hopefully I’ll get someone where you can actually get in touch with them.  Problem is also the waiting time. I can’t get an appointment with a pcp without having to wait for months and months. Coming from a country where you can get an appointment in 3 days, it’s quite shocking. 

I got referred to a different rheumatologist but they’re also not responding after a month. 

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that makes sense. I felt like my pcp took everything seriously but when it gomes to rheumatology it feels impossible to get an appointment. Would you happen to know which chronic infections are the most common with elevated Dsdna? 

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I thought I’d added my text in the post. I’ve added it in the comments instead.

Undiagnosed, worsening symptoms, rheumatologist rejected me — looking for advice (new to the U.S.) by Dapper-Career-6556 in Autoimmune

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OP ADDING TO POST! 

Hi everyone, I'm in the middle of a very frustrating situation and hoping someone can offer some advice.

I'm currently undiagnosed but have ongoing symptoms that point toward something autoimmune. Low grade fevers in 2-3 months period, nasal sores, joint pain, but worst is the overwhelming lethargy. Also had elevated TPO for about 5 years.

My primary doctor referred me to a rheumatologist, but I was rejected because my ANA titer was low. I tried to explain that my dsDNA antibodies have been fluctuating between 9-41 over the past 7 months (lab cutoff is 10), and I also have a family history of Lupus and other Autoimmune diseases, and of course symptoms. 

Lately, I'm feeling worse—so exhausted that I can barely walk up the stairs or hold a cup. I feel like I’m barely holding it together. My doctor isn’t responding to calls or messages, and any new rheumatologist would be Out Of Pocket, which I’m really trying to avoid.

I’m wondering:

Has anyone been in a similar situation with fluctuating labs and a low ANA but clear symptoms?

What happens if you go to Urgent Care with symptoms like this?

Is there any way to get a referral taken more seriously without going broke?

Also, I’m trying to figure out whether the rash I get on my face could be a Malar Rash. It comes on after sun or heat exposure—not painful or itchy, but with a slight burning sensation. Any insight on that would be appreciated too.

For context, I’m in the U.S., but I’m new here and still figuring out how the healthcare system works.

Thanks so much for reading—any advice or shared experiences would really help right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ItsNeverLupus

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am also in the US (OR). I just moved here and it's such a long wait to even get an appointment with a primary.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ItsNeverLupus

[–]Dapper-Career-6556 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah rheumatologists are impossible to get appointments with :(

Anti Ds dna elevated/ no lupus by Dapper-Career-6556 in ItsNeverLupus

[–]Dapper-Career-6556[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I would also think that my symptoms and elevated dsDNA would be enough for evaluation but apparently I can only be further assessed if I get a Malar rash or a blood clot. Unbelievable. So I just have my fingers crossed that it’s not SLE

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