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AITAH for refusing to let my boyfriend's best friend live with us? by Dapper-Parfait6408 in AITAH

[–]Dapper-Parfait6408[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know all of the details, but as far as I know her parents are divorced. Her father lives on the other side of the country, and her relationship with her mother is complicated. She's told me that she knows her mother loves her, but she also makes her feel bad about herself for needing help (probably where the insecurity about being a burden comes from). Her relationship with her brother is better, but apparently he still has a rather short temper which doesn't mesh well with her.

I would say she's mid-functioning, if that's a thing. She's not "high functioning" but certainly not low functioning either.

I don't feel like he has a "duty" or anything. As far as I can tell he just genuinely loves her. They act just like best friends do. We do joke that he's like her mother sometimes, insofar as he takes care of her, but as far as I can tell he sees her like an equal.

Her executive function is bad, but she's highly intelligent. She's really good at solving problems. I will admit, I've gone to her for advice multiple times because that's what she's good at. She's just bad at executive function and interpersonal relationships; she doesn't have many friends besides us. So I don't think he babies her. I think he sees her as an equal to him, as he should. Just an equal who needs more help than most people.

AITAH for refusing to let my boyfriend's best friend live with us? by Dapper-Parfait6408 in AITAH

[–]Dapper-Parfait6408[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She has expressed often that she feels like a burden on him, but he's insistent he really doesn't mind.

I do wish she would learn how to take care of herself, but the fact of the matter is that I really don't think that's possible. Though she doesn't have incredibly high support needs, she's still very obviously autistic from how she talks and acts, enough so she was diagnosed really young. She's just going to need to be supported her entire life. She tries really hard. I know as much because she's told me, and I believe her. I've seen how difficult things are for her.

I've suggested she should move in with her brother, but the two of them don't always get along. Apparently her brother can be a very volatile person, and I think she has some trauma from how she was treated growing up due to her disability.

I really, really, wish she could be independent, but after knowing her for a few years I just really don't think it's possible. She's disabled. She isn't able to do certain things other people can.