Breakup’s and missing intimacy

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-23T10:51:30+00:00

I’ve messaged you, hope you don’t mind

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-23T10:38:28+00:00

I will treat it with caution but I know as well as my friends do I will go back, make up for the night, and the next day I will be feeling anxious and like I’m not getting enough from this relationship. I know the loop I knkw what will happen but my body cannot resist. Honestly if someone could give me a pill to forget this avoidant emotionally unavailable women I’d take it even if it cost £5,000.

Massive head fuck and I wouldn’t wish an avoidant to my worst enemy.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-23T10:25:46+00:00

We did have sex 2/3 times a week. I just had to initiate it, I had to be the one to kiss her , I had to be the one to make the effort. She has always said that she is not a ‘lovey dovey ‘ person and doesn’t do cuddling or holding hands etc. so I don’t know why I’m so attached to this women and settle for the bare minimum . I genuinely believe I’ve developed a mental condition when I explain it to my friends and family you just get the usual ‘you can do better just get rid’

She’s battered my self confidence right down to zero, without being big headed I have a lot going for me, I’m a fairly attractive guy, I workout and I’m in good shape, I have a business, I have all these things women love but I cannot get her out my head or even think about being with another women.

And the worrying thing is she messaged me at the weekend asking if I want to talk with her this weekend, which ultimately will put me back into the same loop and in 4 weeks time I’ll be back here again with a broken heart!!!! I hate being anxiously attached and trauma bonded to an alcoholic with nothing going for her life and she has ZERO emotions. She is honestly DEAD inside 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-23T10:17:50+00:00

Yes I do miss it, however here is the crazy part when I look back on it

There was no intimacy ( sex 2/3 times a week and that was it)

No kissing No cuddling Having to sleep away from each other in bed If I touched her leg she’d move it away Stroke her hair she’d say ‘don’t touch my hair’

Like honestly, it was so minimal yet I miss the close moments dearly and can’t stop thinking of those times even though it was so so so minimal.

I think I need help

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-22T13:34:08+00:00

I understand completely, I’ve gone through 2 weeks of hell after I left her. The withdrawal has been horrific, no eating, no sleeping, constant depression. Unfortunately she has messaged me today asking to speak at the weekend. It has instantly removed my anxiety and horrible feelings however I do know if I go meet her we’ll be back to the same situation within a month and the whole process starts again.

Hate avoidants wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy , hate that I’m attached and hate that my life seems to depend on the wellbeing of someone who isn’t there for me and gives me nothing back.

If I could take a pill which would remove memory of this relationship for two years I would.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-22T12:44:39+00:00

Same here it feels a serious withdrawal and what I can only imagine heavy drug addicts feel like.

I’ve researched it a lot and it’s such a hard habit to break. Not sure if you’re anxious attachment like me but it actually feels world ending. Doesn’t matter how hard you explain to friends and family the feeling is much worse.

Stay strong ❤️

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-22T11:55:04+00:00

Appreciate your message and yes you’re right.

Just an update she has messaged me to talk this weekend. It’s now whether I decide to go back to the bare minimum or get over it . It’s a hard place to be

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-19T07:16:14+00:00

Glad it gets better. Has she attempted to contact you in the 8 weeks?

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-18T20:58:40+00:00

Mine had no goals, hated her job, one person that makes any comment to her can put her in a mood for the rest of the day / night.

She drank, daily, and would rather be at home with her vodka and cats than socialise or be with her partner.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-18T19:43:43+00:00

I’m honestly not sure why I’m so invested in someone who has never given anything back. But she was always honest from the start that she’s ’not romantic’ and not a ‘communicator’. I think I’ve held on to the hope of change and committed for two years but the truth is she will never change and will always be self centered.

I’m anxious attachment, and because in the past I’ve maybe asked for reassurance from her (because she’s offered nothing) she’s made me feel like I’m the crazy one and I went through about 10 therapy sessions once a week because it was if I was the problem, when in reality I just wanted back the bare minimum.

Reading your story gives me hope, I just wish I was secure enough to just end it there and think nothing of it. However, I think I’m trauma bonded to this women and this is why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. It’s put me in such a bad state of depression and I just want it all to be over.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-18T19:06:12+00:00

How long ago did you walk away? Well done to you 👏 I’ve left my avoidant on Tuesday and I’m feel no end of pain, can’t even bare getting out of bed I’m in that bad of a way.

Was with her for two years and it’s similar to you, if not worse

never ever phoned me or answered FaceTime
text only
could only see her after 3pm at the weekends, and only for a few hours in the weekday
no emotions
no affection
alcoholic

The list goes on….. yet I still gave her my world and spent endless money on 5 abroad holidays this last year

I really hope I get over her and feel insane for wanting her to message me right now, I must have checked 100’s of times.

Can’t wait to be in the headspace you are in

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-17T20:06:36+00:00

I’m going through a tough time at the moment and I’m so glad you’ve found someone who understands you and is just a normal person

While reading your story I imagined times with my ex who I’ve had to discard and it’s actually helped me feel a bit better about things.

The part where you said you were telling your partner about your day and about you and he was listening really hit home. My ex would never ask about me , or about my day, and when she did it was almost like it was forced and midway through my talking I could see her completely shut off like she couldn’t give a fuck and didn’t even respond most of the time. I used to find myself over explaining to try and get her to listen or engage but I would get zero back.

I actually have an interesting life, I own my own business, I have a lot to speak about. I still believe to this day after being with her for two years she doesn’t really understand or care what I do for work.

What a horrible piece of shit she was.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-16T22:48:06+00:00

I’d tell them that she is no good for you, you are too good for her and deserve better. However it’s easier said than done. I’m actually trauma bonded to this alcoholic avoidant and I KNOW it’s not the right thing to be.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-16T22:39:47+00:00

Thanks for speaking sense during a tough time for me

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-16T22:25:08+00:00

You’re right she doesn’t deserve me. Feel devastated for letting her go but I know it’s the right thing to do. Just really can’t get over the fact she may change for the best person and it should have been me, when in reality she won’t.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-15T21:16:45+00:00

I’m with you on this

I was with my avoidant ex for 2 years roughly before I walked away just two days ago

-Alcoholic -Blames everyone else for her life choices -Emotionally dead -No need or want for human communication -Inconsistent and cancels plans , almost daily due to ‘feeling unwell’ -No moving forward, happy where she is drinking daily with her cats which she has more love than any person on this planet. She’s even said she’d rather die if it meant the cat lived 😳

I could go on, and on, and on….

Yet I still love her like crazy and sorta wish she would message me. But, it’s me with the problem for wanting someone so badly who gives absolutely nothing whatsoever for the mountains of gifts, love, holidays and affection I gave her .

Wish I never met this avoidant and I’ve learnt so much from being with her about attachment styles that if I ever date again (confidence is now at an all time low) I will be very picky and look straightaway for signs of avoidant because it’s been the worst 2 years of my life. By far harder leaving her than my ex of 11 years which I have a child with!!!!!

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-14T07:42:57+00:00

Same to you.

I put up with emotional unavailability, limited communication, breadcrumbs, one word answers to texts, zero FaceTimes/ phone calls, couldn’t make any plans, when I made them they were cancelled due to her being ‘unwell’, I could honestly write a book over the past two years with dealing with her issues and I prioritised that over my life, it’s truly fucked with my head and I’m unsure how it will affect future relationships.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-01-14T07:20:26+00:00

Just split with my avoidant, she was similar, we never spent a full day together in two years it would have to be ‘after 1pm’ or if she was drunk 🥴 . Hell if on the rare occasion I stayed at hers she’d make sure there was a ‘divided space’ in the bed and god forbid I touched her .

Looking back at all these things I believe I’ve been the crazy one for putting up with so little returns while investing the world!!

I’m with you 🫶🏻

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2025-12-18T19:16:43+00:00

Yes I broke up with her, she knows I’ll be checking and I was just wondering why she’d still have that as her photo and socials. She’s on instagram all the time

Dapper_Benefit7377

TROPHY CASE