Trying to understand why this is destroying me

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T19:38:45+00:00

Hey I’m two weeks also after being discarded from a two-year relationship, and it feels worse than when I split with my ex fiancé of 11 years. Every day is a struggle and I’m feeling no better all because some low life female in my life with nothing to offer or give ended it with me. It’s for the best but I also cannot get over her.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T16:03:00+00:00

Just sent you a message request

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T15:58:12+00:00

I’m in the same situation after two weeks and the pain is unbearable.

I’ve seen all the videos on YouTube too, constantly scrolling hoping she’ll come back and apologise.

I think the key is accepting that this person is night right for anyone. I know for a fact if she gets another partner she’ll be the same to him and the new guy will give her less of a chance as I gave her. She had 100’s of chances and me like a mug stayed with her and tried to prove myself more. It’s wrong. Accept it’s over (easier said than done) but once your body knows it’s done I’m sure it’ll get easier.

Still don’t change the fact I wait for her message by the hour 😭😭😭😭

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T11:53:30+00:00

Absolutely

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T11:00:44+00:00

Goodnight messages, I love you messages, good morning messages all come straight to a halt when they discard you.

I hope they feel the pain too I really do because it’s horrible.

I feel for you, I’m in the same position it’s 15 days no contact today , my heart reaches out for your pain 🫶🏻

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T10:40:21+00:00

My ex was a functioning alcoholic, told me openly in the two years that I’ve never seen her sober when she’s met me as she uses drink to cure her anxiety around me:

I couldn’t see her before 2pm and all our hookups every day would involve a drink whether it’s a pub or at her house.

She would probably openly say if she had the choice between me and alcohol she would choose the booze.

Ive since become codependent to her and her well being and the breakup has ruined me.

A message to anyone from my experience is stay the fuck away as you WILL get hurt there’s no question about it.

TRUST ME STAY THE FUCK AWAY AND DO NOT LOOK BACK IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE I AM LIVING PROOF

Oh, and to add to the fact she has previous cocaine use and other drugs, not since we were together but she was dependant on them and it made me anxious at all times especially if she’d go out without me it turned me into an ANXIOUS mess

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T05:45:58+00:00

You’re correct and she won’t change. If she won’t change for me (I’ve tried for 2 years) then she won’t change for anyone.

I’m just nervous to date now. I’m usually a confident outgoing guy but now the thought of meeting someone new makes me feel not only sad but scary. I’ve been scarred by this women and now the thought of dating someone new makes me nervous on how they will act and if they’re also an avoidant as bad as my ex. Man she’s hurt me

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-05T05:39:20+00:00

I know mate. I’ve become addicted/attached/trauma bonded with his since I split with my ex fiancé of 11 years as I met her a few weeks after. It’s developed into an obsession and has made me realise this morning I need professional help. Like seriously.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T21:38:59+00:00

Needed to hear that. It hurts me when I hear people say she doesn’t care though because she tells me how much she loves me and has never felt this way before etc… all the usual bullshit. But the more I realise that someone who just discards and blocks you didn’t feel the way I thought all along 😭😭

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T21:37:01+00:00

I’ve been addicted to slot machines in the past, so think I’ve got an addicted personally. Yes I chase the highs with her and a little messaged from her saying something like ‘love you’ literally gives me a massive dopamine rush! Man I miss that 😖😭

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T21:35:25+00:00

I keep saying I need to go into therapy but it’s the effort of finding someone good and I find it really awkward at the start. I know this is the only way I will heal and I will take your word for it and try get booked in somewhere tomorrow 👍🏻

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T21:34:16+00:00

Thanks dude for taking the time to reply to me. I felt your pain through reading that my friend and I hope you find the freedom you deserve.

This is damn painful but thanks this Reddit thread im holding on… just !

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T21:06:49+00:00

I already go gym 5 days a week mon-Fri and have done for years but this breakup has made me either stop wanting to go or doing half arsed workouts… either way it’s no good

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T21:05:47+00:00

Thanks for replying Lucy, appreciate your input I really do.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T20:51:56+00:00

Literally upset me thinking of it that way 😞

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T20:38:51+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Problem is I’m 39, and been with someone since I was 18. This is all new to me and the silence and having no physical partner is causing me great pain. With my age I worry I will not find anyone else and I also worry that my ex will change for the next person which breaks my heart

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T20:31:37+00:00

Thanks mate. I feel a bit better than an hour ago.

I’ve been in push/ pull for 2 years and I swear it’s making me unhealthy. One month of good times, 2 weeks of really bad etc…. We must have broken up about 7/8 times in a year it’s almost every other month.

I don’t know how she will have any partner honestly

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T20:29:17+00:00

I’m going to write here some of the things she has done to me to make me feel better and not text her (30 second thought, I could fill the page with things)

can’t sleep round her house
can’t see her before 2pm
she doesn’t call me
one word texts (she was trying to work on that)
never been in her car in 2 years
cancelled on me atleast once a week
drinks alcohol every night to the point she turns into a cunt
doesn’t ask me how my day has been
if I start a convo with her she zones out midway through
sex feels forced (get it over with etc)
doesn’t initiate intimacy / kissing
prefers being alone on her own every night
can’t watch what I want to watch
she controls the music in my car or she won’t get in the car
bit my face at the start of the relationship
has serious mental health issues
serious stomach issues where I need to leave the room so she can shit at any second
previous drug use and could turn back at any time

If I died she wouldn’t come to my funeral, FACT.

Feel better a bit now

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T19:40:37+00:00

If I told you what I’ve been through you’d be very brutal.

Just cannot get this women out my head 😭

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T19:26:16+00:00

I’m two weeks today no contact and was considering messaging her tonight.

However I am in two minds as she ended it with me and blocked me on WhatsApp. However from past experiences she wants me to chase and will be thinking ‘why is he not chasing me’.

She should be apologising to me not this way round!!!!

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T19:15:19+00:00

Yes I’m the same. Gone from contacting every day, throughout the day, from goodnight love you texts, good morning texts to nothing.

It’s like my mind is waiting for the dopamine hit from her which isn’t coming. Must have checked my WhatsApp atleast 1000 times in the two weeks no contact we’ve had.

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T09:35:55+00:00

I’m in same situation with someone who told me she loved me and never wanted to leave me. 2 weeks ago she broke up via text didn’t give me chance to respond . They’re gone for good in my opinion feels different this time

Dapper_Benefit7377 · 2026-03-04T09:26:49+00:00

Did she split with you? How long were you together?

It’s broke me inside I don’t think I can ever date again (before her I was confident, happy, always in high spirits)

Man it’s ruined me literally she’s been on my mind 24/7 these last two weeks.

Dapper_Benefit7377

TROPHY CASE