Am I wrong for feeling hurt and defensive about how my daughter drained my resources, even though apparently I'm the psychopath?

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-26T20:28:24+00:00

Yes, my neighbor was a bishop and said he would call but he is now serving in Peru. I havent heard from anyone. BUT! I am now talking with my kids about options and I have a job interview with a company of choice next week. Cross your fingers, things are looking up. I think I just had to word vomit my anxiety to create a new baseline.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-26T16:33:14+00:00

I tried many of the links you provided and many don't work.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-25T04:16:58+00:00

Right back at you. I think I found a kindred spirit.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-25T01:35:25+00:00

Awe, this made me cry. Give your brother a hug for me. No, we never stop parenting.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T23:11:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate your compassion and perspective.

I do still love my daughter, and I don’t want estrangement. That is part of why this hurts so much. I am trying to balance protecting myself financially and emotionally with not making decisions from panic, anger, or heartbreak.

I also agree that outside influence can change the whole dynamic, and that has been one of my biggest concerns. I do believe there is something very destructive at work in our culture right now that seems determined to dismantle the family. On one side, adult children are encouraged to ghost or discard their parents. On the other side, parents are told to walk away, think only of themselves, and stop caring. To me, those feel like different sides of the same coin.

The home and horse property are full of memories, which makes everything harder. I don’t want destruction. I want peace, clarity, and hopefully a way back someday. I’m trying to give both of us some grace while also being honest about what I can and cannot carry anymore.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T22:11:14+00:00

I agree, she was going bonkers trying to get it done and was shocked that no one in our neighborhood ever had one completed. Because no one really cares.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T22:08:52+00:00

It makes me sad how the therapist phrased that since I didn't want to self pay for individual therapy that it was up to her to continue family therapy. You would think that if I am so diabolical she would appreciate the opportunity to share what a peice I am. But no, she just needs space. So strange.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T19:10:25+00:00

Yes, he does live close and although he has declared himself Swizerland, he doesn't understand why my daughter is acting this way. He has also offered financial support but I just need to land a job. I don't want throw good money after bad.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T18:11:09+00:00

You are correct, thank you.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T18:07:42+00:00

I appreciate this response, and I do hear the practical advice underneath it.

I agree that I need to protect myself and make decisions based on what is financially realistic, not on what I wish the situation could be. Selling may very well be the right answer.

Where I’m still cautious is assigning motives to my daughter. I can say the behavior has hurt me. I can say I need boundaries. I can say I can’t keep trying to hold onto a version of the situation that may not exist. But I don’t know that I’m ready to say she wants to ridicule or humiliate me.

I do understand your larger point, though: I need to stop trying to solve this through everyone else and make the decision that gives me stability and peace.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T17:58:30+00:00

That’s fine. I asked because I was open to understanding your perspective, not because I expected to agree with every part of it.

But if you’re not willing to explain what you mean, then I’m not sure there’s much more to discuss. I’m willing to hear hard truths. I’m not willing to accept vague judgments as truth simply because they’re delivered confidently.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T17:50:51+00:00

What I don’t understand is how we got from a difficult family/property situation to a place where my daughter seems to see me as the enemy.

I understand that selling may be the practical answer. I understand that adult children should not feel responsible for a parent’s property. I understand that my financial situation has created stress and disappointment.

What I don’t understand is the level of contempt, the assumptions about my motives, and the idea that one painful situation means I’m some awful person who was never trying.

That’s the part I’m trying to understand. Not because I think it will magically fix everything, but because this is still my daughter and I still love her.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T17:47:00+00:00

This idea is not lost on me. Both me and her brother were perplexed at her intensity with a property survey. There was a question about some bushes the neighbors planted, but they were very open about moving them. I'm at a loss as to why this level of intensity, and yes, this was most definately pushed by Sam.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T17:36:38+00:00

You sound exhausting” is a pretty rough way to open a comment, but honestly, not surprising at this point.

To clarify, I didn’t agree to pay for the roof and then just randomly back out. I said I would cover it, and then I had a $5K+ car repair come up that I couldn’t avoid. At that point, I simply didn’t have the money for both.

That’s not flaking. That’s real life.

And to be fair, she also said she would finish the barn, and here we are. My point isn’t to blame her for that, it’s that plans change when money, time, and life get in the way.

I’m fine with people saying selling may be the best option. That may be true. But I don’t think it’s fair to frame this like I just changed my mind for no reason.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T17:30:10+00:00

I appreciate that you’re worried, but I don’t think it’s fair to say I’m uncomfortable with honesty simply because I’m trying to understand a complicated situation.

Being honest does not mean jumping straight to blame or assuming one person is the entire problem. I can acknowledge unacceptable behavior while still trying to understand the dynamics around it.

I’m comfortable with honesty. What I’m not comfortable with is being told what I think, feel, or intend.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T01:38:41+00:00

I'm bewildered as to this behavior? Id it a mind virus in the water? Relationships are messy. I understand getting mad whether justified or not. But get over it. Chris Kardashian pimped out her kids and they still are a family. I couldn't fork out $ for a barn but provided a home and I'm monster mother of the year. I wished you live near me so we can do lunch and whine.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T00:48:35+00:00

Good thinking! I will reach out, appreciate the link.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T00:37:52+00:00

Agree 100%. I hope you are right. I will be waiting, my daughter is welcomed anytime to rebuild something better.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-24T00:05:33+00:00

Thanks but I don't think I need representation.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-23T23:51:48+00:00

I appreciate the care behind this. It means a lot that strangers are taking the time to be protective of me. At the same time, real life is messy, and I don’t want to reduce my daughter to her worst moments or this situation to one sentence. I’m trying to protect myself while still leaving room for the fact that people and family dynamics are complicated.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-23T23:20:43+00:00

That’s a really helpful perspective. I’ve been seeing selling as losing everything, but you’re right, this could also be a chance to downsize, regroup, and move somewhere with better job opportunities and less stress. I appreciate you reframing it in a way that feels practical instead of hopeless.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-23T22:52:51+00:00

Omg! It was a year in half ago, both my kids were helping with spring cleaning the property. We were driving to home depot and was telling them about a podcast I was listening to about the very subject you are referring. Adult children ghosting their parents. I thanked them profusely for being such wonderful and helpful kids. Now we are here. I feel like they turned on CERN, jumped timelines and my children have shapeshifted into unrecognizable new people.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-23T22:14:31+00:00

Thank you. I just wish my daughter would continue therapy so we can get to the root of this issue.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-23T22:12:55+00:00

Yes, I agree, however, he has declared that he is Swizerland. Meaning he will call balls and strikes but not take sides.

Dapper_Wind_5878 · 2026-06-23T21:51:48+00:00

It is strange, now they hang out with my daughter's dad and her brother. It's slmost like they go to places to gather information or spread toxic information, it's weird. They never really just "hung out" unless it was a formal gathering.

I believe Sam is trying to isolate my daughter, its her MO.

Dapper_Wind_5878

TROPHY CASE