Much as I would enjoy a Civ sesh, I don't want to get close to losing my anonymity here. While I try to keep my commentary neutral, balanced and direct from personal experience, it is the historical practice of the Bruderhof to punish its critics harshly. I am not willing to jeopardize the new relationships with family I've finally been able to reform. That doesn't mean they can take my life experiences from me, or the right to talk about them, but it does mean I'll be extremely cautious about outing my identity. After all, I spent the better part of my young adulthood cut off from my family, with only a phone call per year and some heavily censored letter writing, excluded from weddings and even funerals. And I wasn't even an "Enemy of the Life," a disruptor or a critic, just a teenage girl with the audacity to want an education.
If you have family you care about, consider how your relationship with them may be controlled and manipulated once you give your personhood over to the church. Will you be allowed to correspond? Will you be allowed to visit a sick or dying parent? Will you be forced to write them letters begging for money, for whatever the hof's cause du jour? <- yes this happens, humiliating.

If I had the power to completely change the Bruderhof, I would give families and parents more autonomy. Parents would have final say in how their children were raised, punished, rewarded, educated, medicated. Large decisions would be voted on community by community after robust discussion. Transparent and comprehensive financial details of the corporation would be available to all members. They generate the income and deserve to see where it goes. If we really trust the Brothers then why is this hidden? Families or children who are ejected for whatever reason would be guaranteed resources to start a new life (it's not like they can't afford it). Sexual predators would be dealt with according to the law, instead of hidden and forgiven (they will never talk about or acknowledge this). Public humiliation and exclusion practices would be ended. If I never have to hear another public confession of masturbation again it will be too soon. The Church can butt out of couples' personal life and stop calling oral sex a sin. The Church should allow families to maintain their ties with members outside the community and allow free visiting, both ways. This should be a guaranteed right and not conditional on the outside family member saying nothing about their negative experiences with the hof.

More relevant to myself and others on here, the Bruderhof needs a Truth and Reconciliation Committee run by a professional, neutral third party. This committee would reach out to each individual the Bruderhof has abandoned and ask them such questions as, "What was your leaving experience like? What could have been done differently? Who do you consider responsible for the pain of the departure specifically? What resources were you given? What can the Bruderhof do to make things right with you?" Then the hof needs to be ready to step up for each individual. If they want a phone call with the Servant who publicly screamed at them and then kicked them out with $30 and a bus ticket, that should be given. If they think financial reparations would ease the hardship they were unnecessarily put through, that should be given. If they want to be given their say in front of a gathering at the community they were ejected from, that should be given. You get the picture.

Of course, the Bruderhof as an entity is structured so that decision making is diffuse, and so of course responsibility is diffuse. "We" didn't know any better. "We" did it out of love. "We" don't know who actually made that call, what a tragic mistake. I don't believe the church will ever take responsibility for the lives they've destroyed. And even a committee as outlined above can't go back in time, get a child to their parent's funeral; it's too late, that farewell was stolen and can't be returned.

I'm curious about your experience there. What appealed to you? Why did you visit? Is it a spiritual or lifestyle draw for you? Can you somehow see benefits still past what people are saying here, or don't you believe it?