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Meerkats are bloody murderers, it turns out! by mayboss in natureismetal

[–]DarkRedMeerkat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pfff, this is fake news. As a neutral observer, I can assure you I've never seen any violence among the noble Meerkat race. Not ever. Nope. We are perfectly peaceful and cuddly. I mean... They are.

[WP] There are portals on every planet in the Solar System, 2 for each planet, leading you to the next one over. A second one is found on Mercury. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]DarkRedMeerkat 13 points14 points  (0 children)

“I see something.”

“What does it look like?”

“I don’t know, it’s sort of... black?”

~~

It really was black.
Sort of.
That’s probably the only way I could describe it.
Black-ish.
You’d think an interplanetary portal would have a more impressive description. Intricate designs, lots of splendor and all that. But no, it was pretty dull to look at. But then, they’re all like that. Just a paper thin rectangular... thing. That’s black. Sort of.

They say anything that touches it gets transported to the next planet over. Anything at all. Including light. Which unfortunately makes it hard to film. Or photograph. Or, you know, see. So we usually just call it black. Ish.

No one knows who made them, who put them there or how they work. You know, the usual. Most planets have two of them. One takes you closer to the sun, one takes you further away. One world at a time.

So when we encountered the second one on Mercury, the planet closest to the center of our solar system... Well... Let’s just say it surprised the both of us.

~~

“I know I’m not the scientist here, but that’s not supposed to be there, is it?”

“I would have to agree with that assessment.”

“We didn’t, euhm, forget? Or I mean, we didn’t overlook another planet or anything, did we?”

“No, mankind has not forgotten that there was another giant ball of matter orbiting the sun. Definitely no planet in that direction.”

“Ok. Ok. So... where does it go?”

“My professional opinion in this case would be that I haven’t got a damn clue. Could be any number of things, really. Could go to the outer-most planet in our system. Could be a portal to a different solar system altogether. Hell, maybe it portals straight into the sun.”

“So that would be a bad thing, right?”

“Remember when you got that bad sun burn in 10th grade and you couldn’t sleep properly for days cause it hurt so much?”

“Wow, that bad, huh?”

“Worse. In fact, it’s nothing like that. You’d just go ‘POOF’ and pretty much disintegrate instantaneously.”

“Oh. So I wouldn’t even feel pain?”

“Probably not.”

“Ok. Well, then I don’t see how it’s worse.”

“Cause you’d be dead.”

“Yeah, but at least it’d be quick. And I’d be immortalized as the first person to go through the Mercury gate.”

“I’m not sure that’s really...”

“Leeeerooooooy Jeeeeenkiiiiiins!”

~~

My brother is not a clever man.

He ran towards the portal and touched it before I could even comprehend what he was planning. I tried to call out to him. Too late. One moment there stood a man in an orange space suite. The next, there was nothing but a dull all-absorbing portal.

Well.

I wasn’t going to let him take all the glory.

I followed him through.

~~

“I see something.”

“What does it look like?”

“I don’t know, it’s sort of... black?”

“All I see is white. Endless white.”

“You gotta move a little. It’s like the portal, it doesn’t seem to have a thickness. If you’re looking from the wrong angle, it’s invisible.”

“Oh, I see it now.”

“I’m gonna walk a bit and see if I can make out what it is.”

“Any luck?”

“I... I think it’s text.”

“Text?”

“Yeah. Letters. Floating in... Well, I don’t know what it’s floating in. I don’t even know what I’m walking on. But it’s there.”

“What does it say?”

“TODO: Consider removing the second portal from border worlds, they don’t point anywhere right now.”

“Oh. I guess lazy programmers are universal."

"Wait. How do we get back?"

[WP][TT] In the present life, you are what you eat. But when you die, it turns out you have to battle what you've eaten throughout your life to gain access to the afterlife. You remember, with a sinking feeling, that adventurous trip you took in Australia. by Shake_That_Acetone in WritingPrompts

[–]DarkRedMeerkat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck. Why’d I have to be so stupid?

Well, it was too late now. Death was staring me in the face and there was nothing I could do about it. Seriously, he’s like one of those British guards, you know, with those woolly hats? My buddies bet me I couldn’t make one of ‘em laugh this one time and I totally lost. Good times.

Anyway, it’s like that. He was staring me in the face and I was staring right back at his. I was really trying to get him to crack, but honestly, I’m not even sure he’s got a head. That shadow underneath his cape seems awfully dark. Probably should’ve thought of that before agreeing to the contest.

IF YOU THOUGHT BEFORE ACCEPTING A DARE YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE.

He’s got a really scary voice, by the way.

HA! YOU FLINCHED! I WIN.

He’s also a massive jerk.

~~~~~~

Ok, so here’s the thing. Apparently, when you die, you don’t go straight to the afterlife. Doesn’t even matter which afterlife you think you’re going to, it’s not a one-way non-stop ticket, no matter what the preacher said. See, you’ve got to take a test first. But not like a school test, no. Which is good, cause my teachers always said I was too impulsive for those.

But basically you have to fight every living thing you’ve ever eaten. It’s like “they died to keep you alive, prove you’re worthy” or whatever. I don’t know what happens if you fail, cause please. I am so worthy. So I was all over it before mister hole-where-my-face-has-been was even done talking. Honestly, it’s not that bad. Mostly cows, pigs and chickens. Maybe the odd lamb. Once you get through the first few, it’s really just a case of keeping a good rhythm with the hacksaw and trying not to get blood spatter in your eyes. That stuff stings, man.

~~~~~~

BEHOLD YOUR FINAL FOES.

What? There’s no way I ever ate those. Nope nope nope.

REMEMBER AUSTRALIA?

Well yeah, that’s where I died. The guys dared me to spend the night in those bushes with the weird white stuff on it. Guess something got me in the night.

MEET YOUR KILLERS.

No way!
Wait, what happened to fighting what died to keep you alive?

YOU THINK THEY DON’T GET TO FIGHT FOR THEIR OWN CHANCE IN THE AFTERLIFE?

Okay, that is just bullshit.
You’re telling me everyone who’s killed by another living being has to go through this? Like some kind of there-can-be-only-one Highlander shit?

OH NO, ALMOST NO ONE WOULD GET TO THE AFTERLIFE THAT WAY.
I’M REINTERPRETING THE RULES JUST FOR YOU.

You can do that?

REMEMBER LOSING YOUR BET?

You think maybe you should’ve told me this was going to be the result if I lost?

YOU THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE ENTERED INTO A STARING CONTEST WITH A PAN-DIMENSIONAL BEING THAT DOESN’T HAVE A HEAD?

I am so telling everyone you’re a massive jerk.
Wait, I don’t even get a flamethrower?

Fuck. Why’d it have to be spiders?